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By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 657

You deserved it 2 905

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 18:01 - United States - Corona

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 071

You deserved it 4 687

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 322

You deserved it 20 340

By Laila - 20/02/2013 12:01 - United States

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said they were for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 575

You deserved it 5 250

By slashteddy - 09/09/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 977

You deserved it 2 811

Well done!

By janedoe - 12/02/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 853

You deserved it 12 760

Classic prank

By CelibateHero - 05/10/2013 06:31 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 017

You deserved it 3 512

Auntie Flow

By iluvjenknee - 22/01/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, at work, I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I usually try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say, "Have a nice night." What I actually said was, "Have a nice flow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 706

You deserved it 33 729

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 18:54 - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 806

You deserved it 3 051

By anon - 01/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 829

You deserved it 1 711

By ohgosh... - 18/11/2014 03:10 - United States - Fenton

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 308

You deserved it 2 777

By hunchback of notre bite - 09/08/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Spicy

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 494

You deserved it 7 426

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 17:38 - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 3 542

By StrawberryJuicey - 13/12/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 844

You deserved it 32 291

By I hate retail - 27/11/2015 02:26 - Australia - Kensington

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 493

You deserved it 3 251

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 079

You deserved it 2 974

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 338

You deserved it 3 710

911 is a joke

By Lauren Smith - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 6 268

By oops - 27/09/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 797

You deserved it 5 615

Lonely

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, I'm a 19 year-old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on Facebook. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 200

You deserved it 6 538

OCD

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 13:53 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "The colours don't match." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 560

You deserved it 5 776

Good one, dude

By Directionally challenged - 11/04/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss's way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 228

You deserved it 8 403

By elovan - 25/07/2015 08:33 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 21 153

By heck - 12/08/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 160

You deserved it 18 555

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 8 523

By Bullet4MyChemaMo - 24/04/2015 22:38 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house while he was at work, and put on his pants to make some tea. As I took my hot tea and laptop upstairs, the pants slowly started to fall down. I had to keep climbing with my pants around my knees, and shuffle awkwardly past my boyfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 899

You deserved it 8 683

Bullet4MyChemaMo tells us more.

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

Sunday 26 April 2015 12:12

Hi guys, it's OP! Didn't expect this to get published. 1. I meant trousers, not underwear. In Ireland, pants almost never means underwear. (Ireland is very different to the UK in terms of grammar use, vocabulary etc.) For the record, I was wearing underwear too! 2. I'm very, very close to my boyfriend's family as we've been together for a long time, and it's not unusual for me to chill in his house while he's at work. I feel completely at home there, as I am expected to by his family. When this FML happened, I had been asleep after staying over, and lazily threw on my boyfriend's sweatpants to go downstairs. 3. I was actually trying (and failing) to multitask by holding almost-boiling tea, my laptop, blankets, and a pair of shoes. The positioning of the objects in my arms made it physically impossible for me to set it all on the floor and pick it back up, and BF's dad had already seen everything by the time I would've pulled my pants up. Everyone laughed about it after the initial embarrassment wore off, thankfully we all see the funny side!

By theycallmekitty - 11/01/2013 00:02 - United States - Decatur

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 3 027

theycallmekitty tells us more.

theycallmekitty 13

Friday 11 January 2013 3:19

He's not a mouse...he's a rat. There's a big difference. Also, don't feel bad for him, he is definitely a mommas boy....

Weirdo freak

By kitkat3308 - 27/09/2013 06:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 198

You deserved it 3 090

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 05:38

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 5 767

By :/ - 30/01/2016 07:45 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 035

You deserved it 6 539

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Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 935

You deserved it 5 213

Today, I was talking to my husband about a work colleague, whose boyfriend is always sending her flowers and fawning over her. I mentioned how I've never been treated like that. He glanced up from his video game and said, "Shit, Mel. Get a boob job then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 371

You deserved it 8 222

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 148

You deserved it 12 305

Today, it's been a year since I moved 200 km across the country to be closer to my boyfriend of 5 years and his kids. I got the keys to my flat and 3 days later the pandemic was a fact. Shouldn’t have ignored that sign. I’m single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 163

Today, I already hate the holidays. My mom has been trying to be helpful, but has severe undiagnosed memory problems that our family ignores. They've also ignored all the house repairs, but have no problem consoling her while she cries how mean I am for missing her party, because I used my vacation time to fix the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 127

Today, I got fired. A woman, who'd been ignoring me at the workplace, told me I wasn't friendly enough. She turned out to be the manager. Apparently, she likes to test the new hires by being extremely cold and unwelcome. She never even introduced herself. Also, it only pays 70% of the minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 152