Intimacy: Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started...

By hunchback of notre bite - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

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Intimacy

The smell detective is on the case

BO Central

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By DanceOnTheEdge - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

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By Bee - United States

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

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By Ghostly - United States - Madison

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By Yohm - France

Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

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By Anonymous - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

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By imsorrylove - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

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By mike h - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

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By DamnDogs - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

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By spandex - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By terribob1

Today, I was terminated from my job. This comes after I sent HR an email about an inappropriate relationship between my manager and a counselor. Seems like I should have kept my mouth shut. FML

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By fmlgrl - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By limecat - United States

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

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By max - United States

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Mom hobbies

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

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By ThreeTimesUnlucky - South Africa - Edenvale

Today, I received another letter of rejection from the university of my dreams. I got it the first time, but thanks for reminding me. FML

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By foreveryoung - France

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

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By Kate - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

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By Tea_baggins - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I called and went downtown after the city incorrectly issued fines against my property and threatened jail time for violating city ordinances, not paying fines, and not filing permits. They told me that, until fines are paid, they cannot correct a thing even though they got the address wrong. FML

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By dollabill009 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

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By fucklife - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

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By somefamily - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

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By PandaMantis - United States

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

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Top comments

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

COMMENTS

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

michaelaranda | 28

#5620940 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Op, you should just get those rubber grip thingies for your shower if you want to have sexy showers with your boyfriend. You know whats not sexy? A concussion

drewflav | 17

#5621014 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:12

Well, unless the boyfriend has a thing for unconscious women... as sad as that is.

ptoka | 20

#5621037 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:26

Suppose I'm the only one here that got the Big Bang Theory reference and laughed...

Catkam623 | 27

#5621041 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:29

I laughed my ass off.

tommylover842 | 23

#5621048 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:42

I got the reference as well, definitely made me laugh

abbyycarper | 13

#5621057 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:50

That was the first thing I thought of!

diiiinkleberg | 13

#5621086 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:20

I'm pretty sure everyone did ..

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5621093 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:34

Don't worry. Hockey tape fixes everything. It's the only reason my igloos still standing

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5621127 - Saturday 10 August 2013 8:36

There goes your sex life? Unless you're paralyzed, I don't see how your sex life is over.
Next time get yourself bathtub adhesives.

TheLittleBear | 19

#5621196 - Saturday 10 August 2013 10:56

32- me too. Laughed my arse off. Ah, Sheldon....

MidnaLink | 32

#5621611 - Saturday 10 August 2013 18:35

When Penny broke her shoulder?

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6260685 - Sunday 12 April 2015 23:38

ones with umbrellas?

By kievking | 14

#5620909 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

you will be back onto it.

brave_josh | 9

#5620960 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:45

His back is restraining him from going back to coming in from the back.

brave_josh | 9

#5620968 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:48

And....OP is a girl. And I've run out of time to edit....

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

secretkeeper911 | 4

#5622754 - Sunday 11 August 2013 15:50

... can you pass me the soap?"

By Catkam623 | 27

#5620916 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:36

Next time have sex in the bathtub not as far to fall

TheBrochure | 22

#5621204 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:21

But she can still light her hair on fire! Is that really a trade-up?

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5622052 - Sunday 11 August 2013 2:02

ideally she wouldn't be lighting her hair on fire in the bathtub.
i mean... happens to me all the time when I'm surrounded by water....

heyyitsemilia | 11

#5622204 - Sunday 11 August 2013 4:23

Are you new to FML #61? The comment above you was referring to an FML from, I believe, a few weeks ago.

By aceboogieswagg | 7

#5620922 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

Well you still have hands and a mouth dont ya

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620986 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:56

Auto felatio?

By phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5620925 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

How big was the shower?

ZingZilla | 8

#5621218 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:50

182.9 cm x 61 cm

Dawnstempest | 17

#5621340 - Saturday 10 August 2013 14:46

It's not the size of the shower that matters, but how you use it.

By redbluegreen | 40

#5620929 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

That's why you get in the shower after the water has reached the temperature you desire.

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620942 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

I don't think OP meant that kind of heated lol, silly goose

yankeesfancg | 13

#5620949 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:42

I gave you a thumbs up just because you said silly goose and that made me chuckle, nice job

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620980 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:54

Well thank you PVT :D

By caohm | 18

#5620934 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:38

you could always improvise at that point

By Roughlife28 | 7

#5620944 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Was your boyfriend ok?

By singer0421 | 32

#5620956 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:43

I hope you have one of those shower mats for the floor! Otherwise showers are way too slippery, as you have so generously demonstrated.