Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started...

By hunchback of notre bite - 9/8/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Boozehound alert

Buzzing the tower

By fleetingmemories - 29/11/2013 23:55 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 08:08

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2016 11:06 - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

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By elevator-troubles - 18/3/2009 07:59 - Australia

Today, I was in an elevator with my brother and a woman. He signs to me that she has a 'damn fine ass'. I chuckle and then shake my head. He shrugs. A second later the woman signs to us, 'Rick, don't you remember me?' Turns out she helped teach my brother sign language when he was six. FML

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By BUSTED. - 1/12/2015 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

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By Eww - 5/10/2014 17:48 - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

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By blck - 1/1/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

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By notmysistersbf - 20/4/2015 02:39 - Canada - Summerland

Today, my mom called my workplace and told my boss to make sure I wear a hat so I didn't get heatstroke like I did on my last shift. I'm 25. FML

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By Nator - 9/2/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

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By holladaddy - 24/2/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/5/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By gutav indogop - 24/6/2011 06:47 - Switzerland

Today, one of my students corrected the problem I had solved on the board, explaining that you do multiplication before subtraction. I teach the second grade. FML

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By betterthanhodor - 8/11/2014 14:09 - United Kingdom - Woodbridge

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

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By Merserve - 9/7/2020 02:00

Shackled

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

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By ThanksForTheWarningDad - 22/7/2016 11:09 - United States - Wood River

Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML

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By jshi8 - 4/8/2011 14:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

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By justine - 13/12/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 15:05 - United Kingdom - Eastleigh

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

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By OMFG I LOVE MLP - 24/8/2012 21:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was straightening my hair for my Christmas Eve party. I put the hot straighter down on my bed for a second, and zoned out enough to sit squarely on it a few moments later. I now have burns on my ass cheek, and a six-hour party at which I can't even sit down. FML

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By moerae - 3/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:30 - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

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By fuck you dad - 30/3/2013 18:17 - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

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By Madison43097 - 24/9/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

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By Dothy - 17/11/2008 09:54 - France

Today, I had an important appointment for a job. During the interview, my cellphone rang. My ringtone is "Denver, the last Dinosaur". FML

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By o_O - 23/6/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

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By archer - 20/11/2008 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

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By TooShort - 3/5/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

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By 6u174r_d00d - 10/8/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2020 05:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Spy vs. Spy

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

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By BassGuy - 18/5/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I went onto my band's MySpace just to check if we had any new comments or anything like that and I noticed that I was listed as a past member. Nobody ever told me I was replaced. FML

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By woman - 17/11/2012 08:45 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2011 21:28 - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

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By crazybitch - 18/6/2012 04:57 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

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By seriously? - 25/2/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

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By Arcam - 13/9/2012 17:25 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML

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By cheated - 11/3/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

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By Too available to be sexy - 4/5/2019 20:00

Today, during foreplay, my husband asked if I found him sexually attractive. When I asked him back, after a yes, he was silent for two minutes then went into a ten-minute philosophical discussion on the nature of attractiveness. He would find me more attractive if I wasn't his wife. FML

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Top comments

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

COMMENTS

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

michaelaranda | 28

#5620940 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Op, you should just get those rubber grip thingies for your shower if you want to have sexy showers with your boyfriend. You know whats not sexy? A concussion

drewflav | 17

#5621014 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:12

Well, unless the boyfriend has a thing for unconscious women... as sad as that is.

ptoka | 20

#5621037 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:26

Suppose I'm the only one here that got the Big Bang Theory reference and laughed...

Catkam623 | 27

#5621041 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:29

I laughed my ass off.

tommylover842 | 23

#5621048 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:42

I got the reference as well, definitely made me laugh

abbyycarper | 13

#5621057 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:50

That was the first thing I thought of!

diiiinkleberg | 13

#5621086 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:20

I'm pretty sure everyone did ..

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5621093 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:34

Don't worry. Hockey tape fixes everything. It's the only reason my igloos still standing

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5621127 - Saturday 10 August 2013 8:36

There goes your sex life? Unless you're paralyzed, I don't see how your sex life is over.
Next time get yourself bathtub adhesives.

TheLittleBear | 19

#5621196 - Saturday 10 August 2013 10:56

32- me too. Laughed my arse off. Ah, Sheldon....

MidnaLink | 32

#5621611 - Saturday 10 August 2013 18:35

When Penny broke her shoulder?

thefmlman2011 | 34

#6260685 - Sunday 12 April 2015 23:38

ones with umbrellas?

By kievking | 14

#5620909 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

you will be back onto it.

brave_josh | 9

#5620960 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:45

His back is restraining him from going back to coming in from the back.

brave_josh | 9

#5620968 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:48

And....OP is a girl. And I've run out of time to edit....

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

secretkeeper911 | 4

#5622754 - Sunday 11 August 2013 15:50

... can you pass me the soap?"

By Catkam623 | 27

#5620916 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:36

Next time have sex in the bathtub not as far to fall

TheBrochure | 22

#5621204 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:21

But she can still light her hair on fire! Is that really a trade-up?

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5622052 - Sunday 11 August 2013 2:02

ideally she wouldn't be lighting her hair on fire in the bathtub.
i mean... happens to me all the time when I'm surrounded by water....

heyyitsemilia | 11

#5622204 - Sunday 11 August 2013 4:23

Are you new to FML #61? The comment above you was referring to an FML from, I believe, a few weeks ago.

By aceboogieswagg | 7

#5620922 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

Well you still have hands and a mouth dont ya

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620986 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:56

Auto felatio?

By phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5620925 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

How big was the shower?

ZingZilla | 8

#5621218 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:50

182.9 cm x 61 cm

Dawnstempest | 17

#5621340 - Saturday 10 August 2013 14:46

It's not the size of the shower that matters, but how you use it.

By redbluegreen | 40

#5620929 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

That's why you get in the shower after the water has reached the temperature you desire.

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620942 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

I don't think OP meant that kind of heated lol, silly goose

yankeesfancg | 13

#5620949 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:42

I gave you a thumbs up just because you said silly goose and that made me chuckle, nice job

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620980 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:54

Well thank you PVT :D

By caohm | 18

#5620934 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:38

you could always improvise at that point

By Roughlife28 | 7

#5620944 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Was your boyfriend ok?

By singer0421 | 32

#5620956 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:43

I hope you have one of those shower mats for the floor! Otherwise showers are way too slippery, as you have so generously demonstrated.