Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started...

By hunchback of notre bite - 9/8/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Time don't heal nothing

Don't give up

By violatedbuttcrack - 16/5/2013 10:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

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By Liv - 29/10/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Great Bookham

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

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By blotchy-girl - 15/7/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By swip - 29/7/2018 20:30

Today, my previously blond boyfriend dyed his hair dark brown and shaved his beard. When he got home, I thought he was an intruder and screamed. Now he thinks I don't love him because I didn't recognize him. FML

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By Wrabel - 8/6/2015 16:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

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By lostforlife - 13/7/2012 00:52 - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

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By Ohhh the pain - 28/4/2019 04:00

Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhoea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realise she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. 5 minutes later I shit and vomited myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

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By ohEw - 9/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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By ColdHeat - 16/4/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

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By kaitlynn - 1/2/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2018 19:00

Today, my wife sent me a text expressing her "love and thinking to the future with you, Chad". Too bad my name isn't Chad. FML

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By chocolaterabbit - 2/11/2009 12:41 - Australia

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

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By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 8/8/2019 06:00

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

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By maisie - 22/11/2018 22:00

Today, while at a family gathering, I sat down in a chair and it broke. Embarrassed, I picked myself up and sat down in another chair. That one broke too. I'm now the "fat girl" of the family despite weighing 90 pounds. FML

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By zuzu - 1/5/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

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By miapapaya - 15/2/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

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By copycat - 19/3/2015 05:05 - United States - Norco

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

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By verrine - 19/6/2009 08:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

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By anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:13 - United States

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML

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By dazed and confused - 17/12/2013 01:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 12:40 - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

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By Disproportionate - 26/10/2019 16:00

Bent

Today, I noticed that the glasses I got this week seemed off balance. A further inspection showed that one of my ears is bigger than the other. Through even further inspection, my family concluded that the entire right side of my body is higher than my left. FML

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By bananapie69 - 10/4/2020 20:00

Social distancing gone wrong

Today, waiting in the deli line at the store, a woman stood directly next to me. I panicked and tried to move back to get a 6-foot distance, but in my panic I didn’t realize there was a stand behind me. I almost fell over, so I gasped super loud. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. FML

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By Jobless - 12/3/2009 09:01 - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

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By me - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

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By derve - 7/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

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By morgan_love11 - 5/6/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, I found out my sister has a nickname for me due to my recent breakouts. It's "volcano face". FML

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By subduedbeast - 27/10/2014 18:48 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

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By buzzzzkill - 27/8/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

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By illuminatzi - 3/10/2015 02:32 - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

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By oh no - 6/6/2016 15:45 - United States - Rochester

Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

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By El Camino - 25/11/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

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By fyou - 24/1/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

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Top comments

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

Comments

By deuceswild | 13

#5620907 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

Cause of injury: lack of adhesive ducks.

michaelaranda | 28

#5620940 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Op, you should just get those rubber grip thingies for your shower if you want to have sexy showers with your boyfriend. You know whats not sexy? A concussion

drewflav | 17

#5621014 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:12

Well, unless the boyfriend has a thing for unconscious women... as sad as that is.

ptoka | 20

#5621037 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:26

Suppose I'm the only one here that got the Big Bang Theory reference and laughed...

Catkam623 | 27

#5621041 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:29

I laughed my ass off.

tommylover842 | 23

#5621048 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:42

I got the reference as well, definitely made me laugh

abbyycarper | 13

#5621057 - Saturday 10 August 2013 6:50

That was the first thing I thought of!

diiiinkleberg | 13

#5621086 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:20

I'm pretty sure everyone did ..

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5621093 - Saturday 10 August 2013 7:34

Don't worry. Hockey tape fixes everything. It's the only reason my igloos still standing

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5621127 - Saturday 10 August 2013 8:36

There goes your sex life? Unless you're paralyzed, I don't see how your sex life is over.
Next time get yourself bathtub adhesives.

TheLittleBear | 19

#5621196 - Saturday 10 August 2013 10:56

32- me too. Laughed my arse off. Ah, Sheldon....

MidnaLink | 32

#5621611 - Saturday 10 August 2013 18:35

When Penny broke her shoulder?

thefmlman2011 | 31

#6260685 - Sunday 12 April 2015 23:38

ones with umbrellas?

By kievking | 14

#5620909 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:33

you will be back onto it.

brave_josh | 9

#5620960 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:45

His back is restraining him from going back to coming in from the back.

brave_josh | 9

#5620968 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:48

And....OP is a girl. And I've run out of time to edit....

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5620914 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:35

"While you're down there..."

secretkeeper911 | 4

#5622754 - Sunday 11 August 2013 15:50

... can you pass me the soap?"

By Catkam623 | 27

#5620916 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:36

Next time have sex in the bathtub not as far to fall

TheBrochure | 22

#5621204 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:21

But she can still light her hair on fire! Is that really a trade-up?

ohcheriecherie | 20

#5622052 - Sunday 11 August 2013 2:02

ideally she wouldn't be lighting her hair on fire in the bathtub.
i mean... happens to me all the time when I'm surrounded by water....

heyyitsemilia | 11

#5622204 - Sunday 11 August 2013 4:23

Are you new to FML #61? The comment above you was referring to an FML from, I believe, a few weeks ago.

By aceboogieswagg | 7

#5620922 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

Well you still have hands and a mouth dont ya

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620986 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:56

Auto felatio?

By phoneYuNOlisten | 16

#5620925 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

How big was the shower?

ZingZilla | 8

#5621218 - Saturday 10 August 2013 11:50

182.9 cm x 61 cm

Dawnstempest | 17

#5621340 - Saturday 10 August 2013 14:46

It's not the size of the shower that matters, but how you use it.

By redbluegreen | 40

#5620929 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:37

That's why you get in the shower after the water has reached the temperature you desire.

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620942 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

I don't think OP meant that kind of heated lol, silly goose

yankeesfancg | 13

#5620949 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:42

I gave you a thumbs up just because you said silly goose and that made me chuckle, nice job

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5620980 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:54

Well thank you PVT :D

By caohm | 18

#5620934 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:38

you could always improvise at that point

By Roughlife28 | 7

#5620944 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:40

Was your boyfriend ok?

By singer0421 | 32

#5620956 - Saturday 10 August 2013 5:43

I hope you have one of those shower mats for the floor! Otherwise showers are way too slippery, as you have so generously demonstrated.