The Top

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By Namaslayed - 16/10/2015 18:04 - India - Mumbai

Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite me at work. In theory, I was going to start a game of footsie with him. In practice, I screwed up and managed to yank his computer's power cable out. He lost his unsaved work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 074

You deserved it 17 129

By CB - 19/11/2009 01:30 - New Zealand

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 061

You deserved it 2 499

By look how totally not racist I am! - 11/07/2014 03:32 - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 111

You deserved it 4 004

Car washed

By IHateMyJob - 14/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 728

You deserved it 3 399

Animal sanctuary

By Anonymous - 12/06/2014 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 674

You deserved it 4 903

By Anonymous - 19/03/2013 19:35 - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 092

You deserved it 4 723

By svunimportant - 28/05/2015 15:40 - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 304

You deserved it 3 520

Priorities

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 194

You deserved it 3 349

Here's your login details

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 827

You deserved it 3 554

By idonthavelice - 28/02/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 112

You deserved it 2 417

By Shady_Soldier - 31/10/2013 08:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 621

You deserved it 7 351

By Anonymous - 16/09/2013 17:42 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 897

You deserved it 7 430

Poor little guy

By RabbitOwner - 07/01/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 21 756

Nice, thanks

By sweetnan - 28/08/2013 01:29 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 325

You deserved it 8 361

By balletteacher - 08/09/2012 20:32 - United States

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 254

You deserved it 2 586

Spice

By MouserMan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 585

You deserved it 4 403

By dearprudence89 - 10/11/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 623

You deserved it 3 089

New face

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say, "Hello, my name is…" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 6 457

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 07:20 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 575

You deserved it 5 636

By Lucachoo - 21/10/2016 05:16

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 670

You deserved it 1 993

Asshat

By no compassion - 16/04/2013 10:50 - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 390

You deserved it 4 028

Slipped

By Badchristian - 05/04/2012 04:17 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 438

You deserved it 43 291

Impressive

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 747

You deserved it 19 557

Underwhelming

By rabbitkiller - 20/06/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 727

You deserved it 5 753

By angry - 22/06/2010 07:47 - Australia

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 5 954

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 17:07 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 734

You deserved it 2 133

By Tamps - 13/02/2009 09:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 098

You deserved it 6 906

You can count on it

By amie - 11/08/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 179

You deserved it 8 007

By Anonymous - 25/10/2008 16:54

Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 186

You deserved it 13 073

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 200

You deserved it 3 300

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 529

You deserved it 4 485

Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 188

Today, my dad drunkenly ranted about how I should volunteer for the military because of the crisis in the Middle East. I refused; I'm in college on two scholarships and have listened to stories of why his service still gives him nightmares. I had to hide all the phones to keep him from calling the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 123

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 460

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 291

You deserved it 6 930