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Nightmare mode

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away, and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 542

You deserved it 2 275

By Foam - 26/12/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 715

You deserved it 3 007

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 21:18 - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 3 300

By anonymous - 16/10/2014 20:53 - United States - Canton

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 138

You deserved it 4 068

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 155

You deserved it 5 435

By ew - 03/07/2012 11:33 - United States - Garland

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 457

You deserved it 29 073

By sick - 06/10/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 2 864

By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 3 451

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 544

You deserved it 4 033

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 02:25 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 264

You deserved it 1 885

By Notre_Dame_714 - 08/04/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 489

You deserved it 4 451

By nosleep - 05/02/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 257

You deserved it 6 979

By Mr. X - 23/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 595

You deserved it 5 483

By synyster505 - 19/12/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 899

You deserved it 36 620

By Puff301 - 01/01/2016 23:25 - Australia - Tuggerah

Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 551

You deserved it 1 589

Puff301 tells us more.

Puff301 18

Sunday 3 January 2016 1:54

Hey guys, OP here. It was an overnight flight so they had the lights off, but I could still see the outline of objects and he definitely moved right before he tripped me. And my eyesight is fine. I just can't believe this got posted

By single and hatless - 28/11/2015 03:46 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 454

You deserved it 2 257

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 21/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Kenosha

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 764

You deserved it 1 841

It's not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 3 827

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 01:39 - United States - Demopolis

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 854

You deserved it 4 832

By mumfordandsonimdisappointed - 29/08/2015 05:09 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 19 913

Wage slave

By Janet - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 862

You deserved it 3 253

Good boy

By akasoor - 11/02/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 347

You deserved it 5 973

By homerr123 - 23/12/2013 17:35 - India - Mumbai

Today, my manager rejected my leave application for Christmas. Later I found out that I'm going to be the only employee working at the office during Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 989

You deserved it 3 242

By Lies - 19/08/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 815

You deserved it 5 961

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 810

You deserved it 3 469

By sayhey22 - 09/01/2015 15:33 - United States - Sullivan

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 152

You deserved it 4 475

sayhey22 tells us more.

sayhey22 19

Saturday 10 January 2015 0:52

It almost sounds like a broken fire alarm. It's a sketchy sound haha. I've progressed to just jumping when it happens

By Nolimit2217 - 29/12/2014 22:07 - United States

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 2 811

Nolimit2217 tells us more.

Nolimit2217 32

Thursday 1 January 2015 17:19

I thought it was funny. I understand the seriousness of pre-eclampsia since it happened with our first child too. Don't get on a high horse with me. I support my wife through and through, just had a funny moment I wanted to share.

By J - 11/02/2016 15:44 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 316

You deserved it 3 298