Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33107

You deserved it

2055

Tweet

Share

Work name

DINOSAURS!!

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46390

You deserved it

5847

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/1/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40557

You deserved it

5019

Tweet

Share

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/4/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33174

You deserved it

3993

Tweet

Share

By Ava - 27/4/2019 12:00

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1822

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7297

You deserved it

2664

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Tampa

Bugging out

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By Saphira - 11/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38145

You deserved it

8040

Tweet

Share

By lostandconfused - 31/5/2019 05:00

Today, I was teaching a class of 17-year-old Japanese boys English. Tripping over a school bag, I caught my foot in the bottom of my very loose elastic trousers. I pulled them down with my foot as I stumbled, exposing my underwear to all 40 students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Loud fart

Today, I was accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

584

Tweet

Share

By paige - 27/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20155

You deserved it

51640

Tweet

Share

By Japaroni - 15/9/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24822

You deserved it

9253

Tweet

Share

By someone - 1/4/2014 19:21 - United States - Point Pleasant

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43450

You deserved it

12576

Tweet

Share

By myhairgetsfrizzywhenwet - 3/6/2011 08:55 - Australia

Today, my sister drove past me while i was walking home in the rain, she honked to let me know she was there, and kept on driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40628

You deserved it

3487

Tweet

Share

By slowrunner - 22/4/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55340

You deserved it

7548

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22696

You deserved it

1673

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62516

You deserved it

9254

Tweet

Share

By soo - 2/7/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26131

You deserved it

1804

Tweet

Share

By sad day - 21/6/2020 17:04

Time to run

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1813

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By Dammit... - 20/11/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29147

You deserved it

3658

Tweet

Share

By UnknownKitten - 3/5/2016 03:07 - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13109

You deserved it

2006

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36545

You deserved it

2742

Tweet

Share

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/3/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33324

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - 10/11/2015 20:46 - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28930

You deserved it

1632

Tweet

Share

By gaagaa - 4/4/2012 03:53 - United States

Today, a lady told me her husband had sinus surgery. I replied, "Oh, I know someone who just had that done." I then realized I meant Alexis on The Real Housewives of the OC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8124

You deserved it

28233

Tweet

Share

By Lady Vulva - 19/9/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34657

You deserved it

3026

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/6/2017 22:00

Today, I woke up early to weird scratching and smacking noises. After gathering enough courage to check what it was, I found out it was just an ant stuck on a piece of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2123

You deserved it

315

Tweet

Share

By retail can shart a cock - 9/1/2016 05:25 - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22729

You deserved it

1288

Tweet

Share

By moe - 27/5/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29626

You deserved it

7696

Tweet

Share

By mommy - 23/6/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

808

You deserved it

1176

Tweet

Share

By Herman - 25/2/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22796

You deserved it

5781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4710

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By Buzz - 1/10/2017 13:00

Today, I've been caffeine-free for 2 weeks. It's turned me into a constipated angry bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2958

You deserved it

689

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 21:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30008

You deserved it

5927

Tweet

Share

By chubbs - 28/5/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50034

You deserved it

3751

Tweet

Share

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6624

You deserved it

8640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31665

You deserved it

13922

Tweet

Share

By nil mil - 23/9/2019 22:02

Crazy ex's girlfriend

Today, I sent my ex's mom several pics of the kids from our recent outing. Being the kids' grandmother, she loved them. Later, I got a barrage of angry, insulting and threatening texts from my ex's new girlfriend, saying that since he and I are no longer together, I should have no contact with his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1900

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/2/2015 17:57 - Denmark

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37282

You deserved it

3253

Tweet

Share

By seriouslywtf - 28/4/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

117057

You deserved it

9238

Tweet

Share

By serveandprotectyeahright - 20/11/2010 14:00 - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47137

You deserved it

4527

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wakachulak | 22

#6272573 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:06

That really pisses me off. You spoil your kid rotten, that's your choice. But when you start calling him an "employee", that's just insulting to people who actually work for a living.

By shippingboat | 8

#6272559 - Saturday 25 April 2015 8:59

That's really fucked up. Here's hoping you find a better company when this one inevitably goes under, OP.

COMMENTS

By lemonypops | 10

#6272558 - Saturday 25 April 2015 8:59

Favoritism is horrible :/

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#6272607 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:28

but thats reality. Better start looking for another job OP

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6272808 - Saturday 25 April 2015 15:29

in this works it isn't what you know, but the people you know.

Reply

TheBelt | 19

#6272913 - Saturday 25 April 2015 17:33

That's just messed up, hope you find a new job.

Reply

johobus28 | 26

#6273073 - Saturday 25 April 2015 20:00

Nepotism's a bitch

Reply

wtffml1979 | 22

#6274152 - Sunday 26 April 2015 18:55

#42
I think it goes-
"It's not what you know, it's who you know"
The other goes-
"It's not who know, it's who you blow"
Sorry, had to reply, that mess you wrote was just confusing.

Reply

supertacowaffle | 41

#6274208 - Sunday 26 April 2015 19:32

I work in an overpriced restaurant. My boss and his soon eat all day and sit on their phones, yet we are not allowed phones whatsoever in the kitchen and have to pay ridiculous prices for food

By shippingboat | 8

#6272559 - Saturday 25 April 2015 8:59

That's really fucked up. Here's hoping you find a better company when this one inevitably goes under, OP.

Reply

gogo44444 | 28

#6272754 - Saturday 25 April 2015 14:55

Quit! Or demand a raise! FYL indeed! Hope you get a better job OP!

By EvilVein | 15

#6272562 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:00

Dude just quit if you don't like it there... Simple as that...

Reply

TacoMan32 | 21

#6272571 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:05

The problem is that some people can't "just quit". If op had another job, I'm sure it wouldnt be an issue, but some people can't afford to quit their jobs.

Reply

Wakachulak | 22

#6272580 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:09

#3, in the real world, where 98% of us live, there isn't a job waiting for you when your current one is no longer to your liking.

Reply

kbecks87 | 16

#6272794 - Saturday 25 April 2015 15:20

Yeah, I mean, you couldn't possibly need to indulge in such silliness as food or rent, right OP?

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6272567 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:03

Nepotism at it's worst.. Don't worry, it'll come back to bite them when the company goes belly up

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6272570 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:04

Sounds a lot like Horrible Bosses

By sprints54 | 19

#6272572 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:06

It's the Middle East what'd you expect

Reply

prostar9993 | 15

#6272637 - Saturday 25 April 2015 10:11

Bomb the building? I'm sure it would be blamed on someone else

By Wakachulak | 22

#6272573 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:06

That really pisses me off. You spoil your kid rotten, that's your choice. But when you start calling him an "employee", that's just insulting to people who actually work for a living.

Reply

ashieme2009 | 12

#6272940 - Saturday 25 April 2015 17:55

Unless you're like Red Foreman and treat your son as just another employee... and stick a boot up their ass if they fuck up.

By badassmf1234 | 22

#6272577 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:07

Why would a failing company buy Bentleys as company cars?

Reply

Wakachulak | 22

#6272582 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:12

Because they're based in Qatar.

Reply

Stazza11 | 27

#6275761 - Tuesday 28 April 2015 4:37

More like Dubai.

By Exaspera | 54

#6272593 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:17

Maybe brush up your resume. Sounds like a crap place to work. :-(

By chuka81 | 27

#6272601 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:21

Well, this happens all the time. Family always comes first.

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6272611 - Saturday 25 April 2015 9:32

Tell that to the creepy uncle in the more recent FML.

Reply

toaster87 | 19

#6272813 - Saturday 25 April 2015 15:37

@16 I'm sure he had plans to make family "cum" first too!