Love: Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working...

By fat - 07/01/2014 12:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 143

You deserved it 4 969

Love

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Paternity test before the rest

By noname - 27/04/2012 12:04 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as the "short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 121

You deserved it 4 452

Hangry people

By missy - 01/06/2021 08:01

Today, my parents yelled at me for ordering too much fast food. The only reason I’m doing it is because there isn’t any food in the house. Not only that but I’m also trying to gain weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 163

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 5 025

By Littlebigben - 19/07/2017 05:00

Today, I found a cellphone. I went through the contacts and called the one listed as 'dad' to inform them I could leave it at a cash register of the store I found it in or take it to the police station so they could pick it up. They then called the police, insisting I stole it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 593

You deserved it 318

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 970

You deserved it 5 095

By Noname - 23/02/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 048

You deserved it 18 600

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 099

You deserved it 8 744

By Etrius - 17/08/2014 15:19 - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 7 149

By sleepless - 20/06/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 980

You deserved it 2 882

Creativity stifled

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 213

You deserved it 22 389

By RckRagman - 30/04/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 174

You deserved it 11 453

By saltynutz20 - 07/04/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 640

You deserved it 8 028

By Anonymous - 22/08/2017 01:30

Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 857

You deserved it 440

By PieterseMJ - 02/11/2012 12:17 - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 3 734

By fuckyou - 21/05/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 185

By karmafails - 01/05/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 2 348

Always ask for documentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 221

By imsadnow - 31/01/2011 20:01 - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 061

You deserved it 7 276

By charlotte273 - 30/06/2010 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 184

You deserved it 13 858

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 13:42 - Reserved

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 681

You deserved it 3 500

By Blurry - 30/09/2009 19:30 - Philippines

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 210

You deserved it 38 923

Here boy!

By DrakeB - 20/01/2013 16:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 808

You deserved it 43 895

By skinnyguy23 - 10/09/2014 22:40 - United States - Briarcliff Manor

Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 450

You deserved it 3 613

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 07:25 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 393

You deserved it 26 344

By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 09/09/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 339

You deserved it 4 465

By Unistudent - 30/01/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 2 240

By Ashley J. - 01/03/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 153

You deserved it 17 493

By Nissan_David - 18/01/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 388

You deserved it 2 796

By Marco - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 118

You deserved it 12 082

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 14:09 - United States - Concord

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 002

You deserved it 25 171

By gayvsgay - 06/03/2016 15:31 - Germany - V?lklingen

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 761

You deserved it 1 809

By Hreyes - 15/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 424

You deserved it 2 137

Don't break my stuff

By erin - 30/11/2021 11:01

Today, I complained to my mom about her always acting cold towards me, and that it feels like she doesn’t love me anymore. Her response was, “You’re damn right I don’t, not since you broke my favorite glass last year.” She used to tell me she’d always love me no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 89

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 3 410

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 261

You deserved it 423

By baddriver - 31/01/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 979

You deserved it 24 501

By annoyed - 23/09/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 266

You deserved it 2 973

By I think its dead - 15/01/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 904

You deserved it 41 349

Chill out, Ross

By sad composer noises - 02/06/2021 20:01

Today, every time I practice my synthesizer, without fail, my stepmom decides to make as much noise as humanly possible. Slamming doors, stomping around in her loudest heels, dropping weights, screaming, you name it. I can hear her through my noise cancelling headphones and I can’t focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 121

By Anonymousss95 - 10/12/2011 12:03 - Sweden

Today, I lost my virginity. Afterwards, he told me that he was only doing this because he wanted to know if he still truly loves his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 533

You deserved it 13 349

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Top comments

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:38

Hopefully he meant guys might find you attractive and hit on you. :P

CrazyMelvin 14

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:38

Your bf sounds like a jerk. If he can't like you for what you look like, you need to find someone who does. Dump his ass to the curb.

CrazyMelvin 14

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:38

Your bf sounds like a jerk. If he can't like you for what you look like, you need to find someone who does. Dump his ass to the curb.

cocainewhore 30

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:40

I don't think she should dump him for a single remark, but she should definitely talk to him about it. OP- I hope that your boyfriend just phrased that very badly, although what else he could have meant I'm not sure. If he meant it offensively, then he's an asshole.

junkman6 22

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:44

Kinda sounds like OP was the one who made the decision to lose weight. Or is it now politically incorrect to want to lose fat yourself? FFS. So many bleeding hearts in the comments lately.

CaiDog 20

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:46

#17 I don't think you understand what's going on. Your comment isn't really relevant to this thread

glabberfasted 16

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 0:25

But he DOES like her, no matter what she looks like. He's still with her, clearly he doesn't care about her weight. I don't get the people in these comments. If he dumped her because she got fat, you'd all say he's an asshole for caring about weight. Here, he is still with her when she gets fat, and you guys say he should like her for her appearance. What the hell.

Siererrr 13

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 0:43

Maybe he meant that he doesn't want anyone else looking at her? Or it was a joke? I mean we have no context, so everyone should probably stop getting so intense.

auro7 18

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:16

Maybe he was just trying to watch out for her. Maybe since she didn't seem that happy about her weight, didn't want her going to the gym and seeing all the extremely fit people, and then have her be harder on herself. He might have been just watching out for her, just in a poorly worded way.

kellyem2 20

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:21

Absolutely. No one should have to put up with somebody that would say something like that about them.

evan_7899 28

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:31

Maybe OP's boyfriend was concerned about chubby chasers, they like em large and said boyfriend was aware of the enemy, and took preventative measures to keep OP in his arms. That's one way to see it.

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:38

Hopefully he meant guys might find you attractive and hit on you. :P

NotABadName 9

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:48

True true my wife had a bit of fat on her when we met when we were 14 but hey we're still together and were both 28 now and we both have very athletic bodies so OP don't worry it was probably just like what #2 said.

bellebe1998 16

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 0:23

14 years together meeting at the age of 14? That's very rare but awesome!!

pureportedpear 27

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

Just run around the block where he lives do his neighbours recognise you then ;)

604 11

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

Hooray!

Kyuzomi 12

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:46

This is FML, not Happy Life. Words such as hooray make no sense on this particular FML.

Mauskau 35

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

Why are you even with him? Does he also make excuses to not be seen in public with you?

peanuty001 19

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

that gotta hurt

willsies 1

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

Look at her name though even she calls herself fat

jazzy_123 20

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Wednesday 8 January 2014 4:46

I think some grammar would have helped...

Cemetery87 10

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Friday 21 February 2014 10:28

that doesn't make it ok. she obviously has low self-esteem if 1. she calls herself fat 2. she lets her BF talk to her like that there is no need to be an ass by adding to it. grow up.

MrFraser25 2

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Tuesday 7 January 2014 22:39

No matter what other people say, make sure you try your hardest and stay committed! I know words are discouraging but confidence is key to having a healthy lifestyle :)