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By WTF - 07/03/2011 09:19

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 110

You deserved it 3 077

By kittyslayer - 15/12/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 043

You deserved it 3 890

Driving is expensive

By Bladerunner - 01/12/2011 09:49 - United States

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 3 548

By panickygrl - 06/11/2011 17:43 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 4 003

By Heavy D - 06/09/2012 13:45 - United States

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 957

You deserved it 2 021

Left out

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 01:15 - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend, who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving, and I was the only one not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 580

You deserved it 5 271

Biology major

By LilPie - 19/11/2015 22:10 - United States - Fort Washington

Spicy

Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 180

You deserved it 2 322

Reputation

By LadyLuck - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses' station, I heard them talking about "the bastard in room 303." I went on to visit my husband… in room 303. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 287

You deserved it 5 468

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 7 915

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 02:39 - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 065

You deserved it 7 034

It's a conspiracy!

By Help - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 766

You deserved it 2 984

Stuck

By clutzasaurus - 03/05/2013 05:35 - United States - Odessa

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 3 460

Felicia doesn't approve

By uneek_3225 - 22/10/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 839

You deserved it 3 547

By cbrocks - 16/10/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 3 899

Freaky

By death bed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 745

You deserved it 2 559

By Anonymous - 05/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 750

You deserved it 8 792

By WPA2 OR DEATH - 07/12/2012 21:49 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 789

You deserved it 1 997

High hopes

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I'd just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said, "You don't have to lie, some people just aren't cut out for college. There's no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 856

You deserved it 2 962

Honesty

By bridezilla - 31/12/2014 07:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, "No way" or "It looks great on you", I accidentally said, "Yeah, I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 482

You deserved it 35 449

By pass_the_tp - 13/01/2010 02:57 - United States

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 358

You deserved it 5 538

Showered

By stew - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it took me more than four hours to set up the back yard for my daughter's baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 551

You deserved it 3 985

By parkinglotslayer - 11/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 010

You deserved it 47 763

Haters

By FlyingWhisps - 27/09/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, my grandparents came to visit. So far, they have called me fat, bragged about how my cousin is better than me, and told me how I'm not good enough for them. It's OK though, they gave me a pretzel from the airline and a textbook on physics. In another language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 2 499

Knackered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 188

You deserved it 6 132

By TheCrackerNinja - 26/11/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 325

You deserved it 3 989

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Spicy

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 608

You deserved it 7 490

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 05:14 - Canada - Clairmont

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 939

You deserved it 10 280

By justinherass - 28/03/2009 05:43 - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 917

You deserved it 25 010

By wah wah "you raised him" - 22/04/2014 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 817

You deserved it 5 272

By minauto - 27/02/2014 23:58 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my car was found with a smashed window and a torn-apart steering column, in order to hot-wire it. The thief didn't get away with my car, though. The engine was in the garage, where I've been working on it for two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 3 155

minauto tells us more.

minauto 15

Friday 28 February 2014 13:38

This actually happened to my boyfriend but he posted it from my account since he doesn't own a smartphone himself. he pulled his engine from his car to work on it (he's an auto tech student) and had been without a car for a few days. luckily he was planning on getting a new ignition, he wasn't however planning on replacing a perfectly good window... but thanks for all the comments guys, i'll be sure to let him know about all the support!

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Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 553

You deserved it 19 928

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 228

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 422

Today, I went early Xmas shopping for my daughter and almost spent my whole paycheck for the week on her, only to have some asshole grab my bag and run off, stealing all her gifts, all in front of a security guard and store employee, who did nothing to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 147

Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 486

Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 113