Health: Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was...

By cantcloselegs - 20/10/2013 12:39 - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 778

You deserved it 6 132

Health

Dementia or hate? You decide

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 4 510

By kat - 25/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I work at a debt collections center and I had to call my own father. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 2 757

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 4 559

Malding

By ptwm - 25/01/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 552

You deserved it 2 921

By No Job - 01/10/2015 01:42 - United States - Prairieville

Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 321

You deserved it 30 506

By Anonymous - 30/03/2015 10:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 123

You deserved it 3 773

By pizzafreak18 - 21/06/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 052

You deserved it 54 846

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 14:26

Today, I woke up to my husband's face. That'd be nice if he hadn't turned his eyelids inside out, waiting to scare me. I was scared alright. So scared that I pissed myself and broke my side table falling out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 201

You deserved it 1 451

By anonymous - 02/06/2013 05:20 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 493

You deserved it 15 813

By hazeblaze - 06/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's Whatsapp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 248

By Guuu - 14/12/2008 11:31 - France

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 308

You deserved it 22 344

Cabin fever

By ThisPhoneismyRoommate - 24/08/2021 00:01 - France - Boissy-saint-l?ger

Today, I realized I've lived alone for so long, I now apologize to my phone for dropping it, or even over-charging it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 133

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 181

You deserved it 2 065

By thinking of military school - 23/10/2016 20:35

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 401

You deserved it 3 599

By disfordiploma - 25/03/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 179

You deserved it 28 217

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 444

You deserved it 211

By KenzoBVB - 02/09/2015 03:55 - Canada

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 063

You deserved it 1 758

By fmlifer - 04/11/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 440

You deserved it 9 120

By Mark - 06/06/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 795

You deserved it 12 583

By Mandy - 20/05/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 101

You deserved it 8 745

By Sam - 28/11/2008 08:50 - France

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 402

You deserved it 11 213

By ginger - 19/08/2011 10:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 063

You deserved it 6 790

By Sammylad - 07/09/2011 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a talk in class, when halfway through someone pointed out that my pubes were sticking out my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 854

You deserved it 15 322

By Anonymous - 17/07/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 610

You deserved it 47 139

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 11:02 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when a man came up to me and said, "You're pathetic for having lunch with someone that much older than you." My dad immediately got up and punched the man in the face. My fiancé's parents had to walk in the door right as it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 96

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 989

You deserved it 7 905

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 03:28 - Canada

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 430

You deserved it 16 124

By mhm - 06/05/2012 02:21 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 498

You deserved it 37 337

By got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 890

You deserved it 3 393

By voicelesspeasant - 03/11/2016 20:41

Today, weeks after I paid extra for faster shipping, I received confirmation that my paperwork for overseas voting has been received. Too bad the deadline in my state was yesterday. Thanks, Postal Service, for the consistency of your failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 728

You deserved it 818

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 486

You deserved it 3 416

By BreechInEducation - 27/11/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 918

By sucksforme. - 10/05/2009 05:05 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 6 328

By baron - 01/06/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 431

You deserved it 7 544

Some people are so... creative.

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 06:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 219

You deserved it 1 518

By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 539

You deserved it 6 886

By imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck - 27/11/2012 01:41 - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 489

You deserved it 3 418

By psychopumpkin - 13/05/2013 14:16 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 115

You deserved it 7 290

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 440

You deserved it 12 126

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 514

You deserved it 15 968

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Top comments

Welshite 39

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

That's not the hair one usually curls...

ChicKenza 4

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:28

Ouch, hope you're okay

ChicKenza 4

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:28

Ouch, hope you're okay

TheCanucklehead 22

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:36

She's fine. Only suffered some burns here and there.

thehumanlyhuman 7

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Sunday 20 October 2013 20:10

One of my friends just burnt her chin with her curling wand. It was pretty funny looking, the giant red spot it made.

Zimmington 21

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Monday 21 October 2013 5:00

Can we just be grateful men don't have those problems?

EternalRest 5

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Monday 21 October 2013 6:39

OP is taking the term fire crotch to a new level.

bellebe1998 16

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Monday 21 October 2013 16:56

Drop it like its hot

girlbye23 15

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 3:02

Happened to me in fifth grade but with a pencil.

irishjig 5

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 5:02

Snooooooooooooop

Welshite 39

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

That's not the hair one usually curls...

gc327072 30

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:36

"Hi, Billy Mayes here for the Cooch Curler!…"

Enslaved 36

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:56

"I found you in my bed, How did you wind up there? You are a mystery, Little black curly hair"

vanessuhm 15

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Sunday 20 October 2013 18:59

For some reason I read that in Salad Fingers's voice

ChevyRedneck85 13

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Sunday 20 October 2013 23:05

who enjoys a hairy cooch

\ 28

Monday 21 October 2013 0:05

Salad Fingers! It's been 3 yrs, sniff.

reptilelover1995 18

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Monday 21 October 2013 3:45

"Are you tired of your private area being bland? Are you tired of the exasperated sigh you imagine your lover giving as he goes down on you - if you had a lover? If so, this product is right for you! Get this fantastic product for only $19.95! But wait, there's more! Call now and you'll receive a limited edition pubic hair comb! Now you can give your beaver a look that is unique to you!" -Mustbe18yearsoroldertoorder.Severecoochburnsarepossiblewiththeuseofthisproduct.-

Zimmington 21

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Monday 21 October 2013 4:56

28- Yeah, It's usually curly unless she's Asian.

siberianhamster 17

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

Your nickname seems to contradict the FML.

Bloink 25

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:31

I think OP meant after she got burned she can't close her legs

nickn426 14

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:40

I thought that too #8.

uoeno_fml 20

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:29

Wait, what hair are you trying to curl?

mustabee 4

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:34

hahahahahahaah, thats tyt

Bloink 25

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

I've instinctively tried to catch a glass of wine before, it didn't go so well.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 21 October 2013 1:13

If you can catch a glass of wine with your thighs, let me give you my number

MissMustard 20

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

Prepare to make a huge investment in bio-oil!

MeowZebraMeow 7

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:30

This is why you shouldn't try to trap rods between your legs. It always leads to trouble.

kathryn14 19

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Sunday 20 October 2013 17:31

You need ice, a lot of ice.

Enslaved 36

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Sunday 20 October 2013 19:31

Ice ice baby? (Sorry, some days I'm so vanilla) :P

rememberkids 14

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Monday 21 October 2013 0:22

ripped off of Under Pressure by Queen ft David Bowie.

Enslaved 36

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Monday 21 October 2013 1:06

Everyone already knows that. And apparently I'm not "allowed" to like this song for A, B and C reasons. (Clones!) I'm not ashamed to admit that my guilty pleasure song list is about a mile long. :P