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By clrichmond2009 - 19/02/2014 18:48 - United States - Christiansburg

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 196

You deserved it 5 846

clrichmond2009 tells us more.

clrichmond2009 24

Thursday 20 February 2014 10:57

OK, even though I've been commenting throughout, time for a full follow up. 1. I am not an idiot that's letting my child beat the crap out of me. When he does get too hard, he is disciplined and shown how to be gentle. 2. I have not given up on teaching my child manners, not to hit, etc. It's going to be a long 18 years because they're brothers. They're gonna fight! My sister and I beat each other on a fairly regular basis when we were kids. It's what siblings do. 3. Thanks for ALL your posts! Some of them had me cracking up. And some had me a little scared for the poster or their (future?) children.

By -__- - 27/12/2013 21:49 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I discovered the real reason my husband was distraught last week and has been acting moodily ever since. An attractive girl he was secretly having sex chats with online confessed to him that "she" was actually a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 893

You deserved it 4 582

By Anonymous - 29/03/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 405

You deserved it 52 327

Kids these days…

By cakehater - 21/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 328

You deserved it 2 469

By Anonymous - 26/05/2013 16:56 - United States

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 738

You deserved it 3 988

By lonleystoner91 - 03/09/2010 08:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 7 651

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, Burger King gave me a moldy bun. I noticed 1/5 of the way through the sandwich. My compensation for ingesting mold? A coupon for half-off a Whopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 4 935

By missgayle319 - 15/03/2012 07:53 - United States

Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 292

You deserved it 13 027

By Confused - 27/02/2012 04:58 - United States

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 440

You deserved it 5 161

Goodbye squared

By Lyingboyfriend - 24/07/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 112

You deserved it 3 355

By Goki - 06/06/2009 16:23 - Canada

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 60 625

By an egg - 30/10/2015 13:43 - United States - Livonia

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 1 643

By shs - 21/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I found out the memory card our engagement photos were taken on has been corrupted, so all the images are lost. The guy who took the pictures said that this has never happened to him in the eight years that he's been a photographer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 095

You deserved it 3 282

shs_fml tells us more.

shs_fml 0

Friday 22 October 2010 17:28

actually the technician the photographer works with determined that it may take 4 months to recover them. there's no guarantee that it would actually work though and it's extremely expensive.

Biology lesson time

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 5 948

By Anonymous - 06/09/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 3 684

Shotgun

By ferrarismyname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 810

You deserved it 23 762

By Sleeeeeep - 19/08/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 14 779

By teinage - 02/05/2011 18:47 - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 791

You deserved it 3 111

Stuck here

By Anonymous - 19/03/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my purse was stolen. Too bad it had all of my money and my passport. My flight is tomorrow, and the embassy is closed until Monday. Guess who gets to stay in a foreign country with no money and no identification for the next three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 201

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 09:52 - India

Today, while stuck in a traffic jam, my son silently changed my gear to reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 936

You deserved it 7 132

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 640

You deserved it 8 432

Help!

By technicallywroteabook - 21/08/2015 05:15 - United States - Grapevine

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about isn't real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 109

You deserved it 17 405

Eat Y'self Fitter

By Shnur - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 278

You deserved it 21 482

By bestbirthdayever - 24/08/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 789

You deserved it 4 225

By oldskoolgrl - 29/03/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was denied acceptance to The University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 090

You deserved it 7 868

Glue ear

By NoMoreHeadphones - 08/09/2009 19:32 - United States

Today, I was listening to my iPod while changing the diaper on my baby. One earbud fell out of my ear and onto the changing table so I quickly picked it up without looking and put it back in my ear, only to realize the headphone had fallen onto more than a table. I now have brown earphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 857

You deserved it 47 355

By Anonymous - 12/01/2013 15:28 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 6 259

By Eddy - 14/03/2015 03:27 - United States - Mountain Pine

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 420

You deserved it 3 836

By con135 - 13/01/2015 01:16 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 014

You deserved it 10 310

con135 tells us more.

con135 12

Tuesday 13 January 2015 15:38

Needless to say she still makes fun of me for this, when she asks me for something she will say something like,"can you firmly grasp that soda and hand it to me?"

By nothotforteacher - 07/01/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 983

You deserved it 2 920