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By Anonymous - 14/08/2015 13:19 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 062

You deserved it 4 027

By mushroommouth - 01/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 803

You deserved it 22 732

Freak

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 955

You deserved it 3 896

By Denki - 30/01/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 4 517

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 394

You deserved it 3 192

By musicislife1337 - 08/01/2012 07:24 - Canada

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 3 108

By whatismydadthinking - 06/08/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 879

You deserved it 3 342

By shininghayley - 15/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 6 328

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 07:18 - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 4 674

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 556

You deserved it 37 412

By dumb4$$0rz - 23/12/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, the grades for one of my courses were released. The class average was higher than that which the department allowed, so the professor had to scale everyone's marks down to meet the policy. I ended up failing because my class was too smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 250

You deserved it 6 229

By fulloshit - 28/11/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 089

You deserved it 4 602

By Anonymous - 12/09/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, my 23 year old boyfriend of 2 years was forced to dump me, over the phone, by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 236

You deserved it 3 253

By danjoylovefun - 25/10/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 640

You deserved it 3 486

Best day of my life

By Cherub - 03/05/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 117

You deserved it 7 834

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 23:45 - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 609

You deserved it 34 662

By Anonymous - 10/09/2015 01:15 - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 2 618

By mommymo - 16/09/2010 10:59 - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, "So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 261

You deserved it 4 428

Bad trip

By MoneyMike - 12/03/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 227

You deserved it 11 925

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 799

You deserved it 3 631

By bloodshedblack - 21/02/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 498

You deserved it 4 402

By NotYourLady - 04/09/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 948

You deserved it 3 668

By IHateBeingAStudent - 12/02/2012 09:43

Today, a little girl I give horse-riding lessons to told me she had saved up $8.00 for her own pony. I laughed and thought how cute she was, then realized that was more than I have in my own savings account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 305

You deserved it 12 724

By Trainspotting - 03/04/2011 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 3 737

Hook up

By jo - 20/02/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 544

You deserved it 6 115

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 093

You deserved it 32 293

By afraidofcans - 23/10/2012 16:01 - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 789

You deserved it 4 453

By paperbox - 16/01/2011 05:07 - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 184

You deserved it 3 309

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 977

You deserved it 6 514

By sam - 15/12/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because: "That class is stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 862

You deserved it 4 098

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The Top

Today, I tried to put a drinking glass on the top rack at the dish sink where I work, but lost my grip. The glass then fell into my coworker's face, the bridge of her nose to be exact. X-rays confirmed that I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 134

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 803

You deserved it 3 057

Today, my baby kept me up all night, and I only got 3 hours sleep. Normal, right? He's not even born yet and I'm only 5 months along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 215

Today, after seeing an old viral video on YouTube, my boyfriend started calling me Sharkeisha. Our friends thought he was implying that I'm violent with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 126

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 129

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 409

You deserved it 4 419