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By Trainspotting - 03/04/2011 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 806

You deserved it 3 737

By whatismydadthinking - 06/08/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 888

You deserved it 3 342

By shininghayley - 15/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 832

You deserved it 6 329

By paperbox - 16/01/2011 05:07 - Australia

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 187

You deserved it 3 310

By sam - 15/12/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because: "That class is stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 865

You deserved it 4 098

Best day of my life

By Cherub - 03/05/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 120

You deserved it 7 835

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 23:45 - United States

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 612

You deserved it 34 667

By mommymo - 16/09/2010 10:59 - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, "So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 268

You deserved it 4 431

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 810

You deserved it 3 635

By NotYourLady - 04/09/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 953

You deserved it 3 668

By bluesox4 - 06/02/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I found out that the only thing worse than a psycho, overbearing, controlling girlfriend is a psycho, overbearing and controlling ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 297

You deserved it 4 129

Hook up

By jo - 20/02/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 548

You deserved it 6 117

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 982

You deserved it 6 515

By Biggie - 12/05/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 842

You deserved it 12 947

By Sh*t - 02/07/2012 21:17 - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 2 905

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 258

You deserved it 7 777

By anonymous - 08/09/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 493

You deserved it 2 046

By Anonymous - 05/09/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 775

You deserved it 8 192

Bad trip

By MoneyMike - 12/03/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 238

You deserved it 11 926

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 17:18 - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 826

You deserved it 3 111

By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 2 929

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 244

You deserved it 4 815

Flow

By rapper in training - 11/02/2012 01:02 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 824

You deserved it 3 128

By gimpy - 04/01/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 868

You deserved it 2 490

By Yo mom - 27/12/2011 07:12 - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 687

You deserved it 55 119

By WaitingByThePhone - 09/07/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 896

You deserved it 11 446

Stay classy

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 828

You deserved it 3 803

By ks.swan13 - 22/12/2010 09:50

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 2 910

Audition time!

By ShowerStar - 15/08/2012 21:14 - United States - Mequon

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 022

You deserved it 4 466

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 126

You deserved it 47 100

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The Top

Today, my sister attempted to get me to fund her daughter, my godchild's, birthday party. I told her I would give her 200 (which isn't much). Our mom "intervened" by cussing me out for being a cheap ass piece of shit. I was about to give her $200, which is A LOT in our currency when exchanged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 122

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 700

You deserved it 5 142

Today, my sister answered texts from my girlfriend as though she was me. My girlfriend was glad we had a real heart to heart, even if it was just texts, while I was busy at work. I have no idea what they talked about and I’m too cowardly to break her heart by telling her it was my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 459

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 058

You deserved it 2 258

Today, I had a fourth and final round interview for a well paying job for which I'm very qualified that I need because my own business in the same field fell off a cliff after 15 straight successful years. The woman who interviewed me hated me from the start and lied about my analysis on simple things in her report. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 81

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom passed away when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered, "Women drivers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 975

You deserved it 460