The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By moneycatious - 19/03/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 5 550

By bruisedandconfused - 12/02/2019 12:25 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 290

You deserved it 10 808

By overflowing - 16/04/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 217

You deserved it 8 681

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 16:28 - United States - Beachwood

Today, I saw my long-distance boyfriend for the first time in 8 months. He dumped me on the spot because I was "uglier" than he remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 052

You deserved it 9 443

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 891

You deserved it 8 890

By Winchesterlover - 05/02/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 840

You deserved it 8 865

By mademoiselleaus - 06/12/2011 12:26 - Australia

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 3 326

mademoiselleaus tells us more.

mademoiselleaus 2

Friday 9 December 2011 17:20

Ella and Fitzgerald? Maria and Sharapova? Harry and Potter? Oh, the endless possibilities!

D.A.R.E. to say no

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 977

You deserved it 55 608

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 40 462

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 03:37 - United States

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 313

You deserved it 8 619

Get out

By why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" - 17/08/2013 22:40 - Netherlands - Oosterwolde

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 752

You deserved it 4 279

Mixing it up

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 865

You deserved it 48 946

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 749

You deserved it 4 844

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 3 639

Surprise!

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip to Paris, where I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of two years out and propose to her. I sneaked into our house as a surprise and… she was having sex with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 546

You deserved it 4 200

By thanksalot - 11/07/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 184

You deserved it 8 643

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 353

You deserved it 3 251

Retail sucks

By kilo1_13 - 04/06/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 090

You deserved it 2 528

By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 900

You deserved it 4 394

People like who?

By howembarrasing - 19/04/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for a hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jackass, saying how people like him give us a bad reputation at the beach. I then saw him running to his choking daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 764

You deserved it 86 641

By tooembarassed - 03/02/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 543

You deserved it 3 616

By NotSoSick - 12/02/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 3 877

By Unluckyducky - 19/07/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 544

You deserved it 70 216

By dumped - 01/07/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 639

You deserved it 4 713

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Redlands

Today, my mother informed me that she sold my dog to pay off some bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 818

You deserved it 1 839

Housekeeper

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 033

You deserved it 7 456

By FakeID - 06/05/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 423

You deserved it 139 084

You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 838

You deserved it 5 578

By FreeToFly3733 - 19/08/2010 11:25 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 070

You deserved it 29 356

By shitballs_911 - 07/10/2009 11:13 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 420

You deserved it 12 336

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Vacation Gross Awkward Food Health Painful Television TV shows Money Work Bosses Public freakouts Cops Fight Pregnancy Kids My ex Love Confused Relatable Friends I need your advice Questions Smartphone Telephones Motherhood NSFW Sex Intimacy

The Top

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 888

You deserved it 6 407

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 128

Random

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 678

You deserved it 10 816

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 412

You deserved it 10 928

Today, I sent out a Happy Snow Day text to 20 of my closest friends. My boyfriend, who doesn't have an iPhone, didn't realize it was a group text. He sent back a text breaking up with me. To all the people in the group message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 969

You deserved it 269

Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 170

Today, my 7 year-old daughter was counting all the money she made over the weekend from her lemonade stand. She made sixty dollars and said now she has more money than I do. She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 222

Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 70