Miscellaneous: Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for...

By sherronj - 07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 7 511

Miscellaneous

You tried

Backstabbers

Callous

By TeddyBearKiller - 07/10/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 596

You deserved it 3 275

By Shower? - 19/10/2009 07:26 - France

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 343

You deserved it 6 361

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/08/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 947

You deserved it 3 484

Slapstick manners

By jake - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 549

You deserved it 6 373

By MorganRox26 - 31/12/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 481

You deserved it 3 029

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 14:00

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 1 184

By lolk - 10/03/2013 07:41 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 666

You deserved it 41 566

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 734

You deserved it 4 744

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 545

You deserved it 5 955

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 53 453

By TheAce44 - 26/07/2015 04:38 - United States - Davison

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 404

You deserved it 2 803

Reefer madness

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 12:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 11:43 - France

Today, I found my mother in tears, so I asked her what was wrong. She told me, "It's your father, he wants a divorce..." I asked if he'd met another woman, and my mom replied "No, not a woman..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 796

You deserved it 4 888

By work hard - 07/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 786

You deserved it 957

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 07:04 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 678

You deserved it 1 168

By whymegirl - 22/07/2012 04:24 - United States - Worcester

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 988

You deserved it 8 549

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 422

Shopping fun

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 2 089

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 552

You deserved it 14 378

By shitday - 27/01/2013 23:47 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 491

You deserved it 2 223

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 174

By screwed - 10/02/2013 10:41 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 472

You deserved it 4 268

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

By dumb dumb - 14/08/2020 14:00

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 219

By coffee girl - 22/07/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 267

You deserved it 2 428

By twitterfailsme - 04/11/2013 12:08 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 950

You deserved it 3 527

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 668

You deserved it 10 401

Unhappy Birthday

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 02:01

Today, none of my family was at home. Turns out my one of my aunts was having a birthday party and all my relatives went, but nobody told me because they don’t like me coming around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 243

Desperate

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got broken up by someone I wasn't even sure I wanted to date in the first place. He also made me realize how little self-respect I have right before dumping me. This is the best thing to happen in my love life in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 146

By UltraHoe69 - 06/01/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the "Hoedown Throwdown" dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 4 392

It's a sign...

By Ohfknhell - 16/05/2018 05:00

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580

You deserved it 740

By Brooklyn - 05/11/2012 22:11 - United States - Newport

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 3 264

Bad hair day

By Hairdresser On Fire - 01/10/2019 18:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I mistook a little girl for a boy. Unfortunately, I only realised my mistake until after I'd cut her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 1 782

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 278

You deserved it 4 408

By Drunkactor - 03/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 99

By inosehowthatgotthere - 10/02/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 336

You deserved it 52 488

By cheated - 31/01/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years has been communicating extensively with his ex, who lives out of state, for over 6 months. She booked flights and a hotel nearby in a month and invited him. He didn't say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 336

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 20:44 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 774

You deserved it 5 057

He did not care

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 361

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 670

You deserved it 3 421

By liltravol23 - 15/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 137

You deserved it 4 591

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Top comments

Midnite_2raw 5

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:53

Just because you play "Dance Central" on the Kinect doesn't mean you can dance.

pinedo39 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:49

prove them wrong

SilentTreatment 7

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:48

Well... Practice makes perfect.

pwincessa23 1

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:05

i agree with 1. op should do their best and prove negative people wrong:) good luck:)

Takador 3

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:06

yay theres gonna be another season!?!?!?!?

Takador 3

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:10

oh and lol what gonna be your Crew's name :D

GreenMaze 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:11

No. Perfect practice does.

Docbee 11

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:16

Maybe it's op's name sherronj. I like it, the word has a ring to it reminds you of holly j and you could spend 5 minutes trying to pronounce it!

shannonreneee 11

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:17

If you cannot take advice and criticism from your family well, how are you going to listen to the judges?

tmmundy 17

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:22

that was far from advice.

ellomellow 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:21

29: "you guys suck" is not advice. and where does it say OP flipped a shit? you wouldn't know how they took it.

LucianDeSouza 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:30

well trust me , when u get inside the competition , they'll be the one standing in the crowd and wear tshirts asking people vote for u .

robotiick 12

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 12:32

op comm ur own fml and then state ur crews name I will record it and put it on YouTube

hahachun 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 13:19

wanna cam? bikinis off

alexg823 0

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Wednesday 8 June 2011 2:56

If your not perfect, how can your practice be? I never understood that.

lucy331 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 4:43

but no one is perfect, so why practice? :)

pinedo39 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:49

prove them wrong

smerry 3

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:08

that's what I was thinking

creativedork 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:12

I agree completely. never fear and go for your dream!

KaylieeJay 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:34

Or... Prove them right and look like an idiot on national tv.

btnhdude 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 13:12

if she proves them right she wouldn't be on national tv, stupid.

noto_fml 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 14:52

this isn't even an fml. suck it up and take the truth. now go practice and stop whining.

Midnite_2raw 5

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:53

Just because you play "Dance Central" on the Kinect doesn't mean you can dance.

DaveTheBrave20 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 13:03

HAHAHAHA

LukeeRamljaakk 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:28

win.rar

uncbballwins 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:53

What a couple of cum guzzling bitches

chili10 18

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:54

not exactly what I would call constructive criticism... Fyl, go practice some more.

tellithowitis 13

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:54

2, I agree.. show them wrong

HugoBosss_fml 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:54

Who pee'd in her haterade?

asstastic47 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:19

I like. and I did

haille_fml 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 22:57

lmfaoooo!

takeapieandrun 9

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:54

No way to find out unless you try.

nananabatmannnn 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:54

Do you really want to be one of those people that completely humiliate themselves on television because no one told them they suck?

llCHR15ll 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:22

Hun, you need to understand that humiliation makes good tv. go for it op, do your country proud!!

spencerstoaker 7

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 18:51

On abdc, the only way you can really humiliate yourself is by having a bad fall or behaving inappropriately. If they're as bad as OP mom says and don't make it past auditions, then they'd never have the chance to do it on tv. However, they would embarrass themselves in front of the judges at the audition as well as waste a bunch of time auditioning. :)