Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally...

By CutieBooty - 22/2/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24240

You deserved it

35600

Favorite

Intimacy

Insane parents

In my day…

Abuse

By stupidapperently - 1/2/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31573

You deserved it

2390

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1513

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By Deedee - 28/3/2017 00:00

Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3867

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By sickandtiredofit - 24/1/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41128

You deserved it

3066

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/8/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23349

You deserved it

10155

Favorite

By all5fingers - 8/9/2011 05:23 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28492

You deserved it

3221

Favorite

By NoMeatFail - 27/2/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16886

You deserved it

55081

Favorite

By jonnie - 7/5/2020 02:00

Hi mom!

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

457

You deserved it

1914

Favorite

By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32409

You deserved it

6061

Favorite

By vkryss13 - 22/6/2015 19:10 - Guam - Tamuning

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27303

You deserved it

2495

Favorite

By amy - 20/7/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 23:31 - Brazil

Today, I was on the treadmill at the gym, when I felt my pants start slipping. I tried to pull them up, but lost my balance and fell face-first onto the floor. When I go to my wedding tomorrow, half the guests will probably think I've exchanged my fiancé for Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33316

You deserved it

4597

Favorite

By newlyengaged - 8/1/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6755

You deserved it

563

Favorite

By readytoamputatemyfeet - 30/6/2013 23:00 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38368

You deserved it

31960

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/1/2017 02:00

Today, I was driving to work, following my girlfriend's car. I looked down to change the radio station and felt a large bump. I rear-ended my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2740

You deserved it

4933

Favorite

By nutsucker - 8/3/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57387

You deserved it

10790

Favorite

By NoPromotionForYou - 7/5/2020 14:00

The sweet smell of success

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

547

Favorite

By Username - 28/3/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50156

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By snortingspunk - 3/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27236

You deserved it

4057

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/1/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7169

You deserved it

2048

Favorite

By "doyouwantmedead" - 21/8/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4210

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Wallz99 - 19/4/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53203

You deserved it

23234

Favorite

By jess - 30/4/2009 04:51 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51006

You deserved it

10075

Favorite

By difference between birds and mammals. - 3/9/2012 00:10 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26275

You deserved it

2734

Favorite

By mer - 8/2/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33818

You deserved it

4133

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

502

Favorite

By TrashlifeKaylala - 10/7/2019 00:01

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1678

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By ouch - 12/8/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34033

You deserved it

4853

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/7/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43555

You deserved it

5257

Favorite

By Shelby - 14/8/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1540

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By Steve - 16/8/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58742

You deserved it

8709

Favorite

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12713

You deserved it

78632

Favorite

By EosHelios - 27/2/2018 13:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4322

You deserved it

251

Favorite

By troll of a gran - 8/1/2013 17:10 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35714

You deserved it

4819

Favorite

By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Nerf bullets

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1645

You deserved it

263

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2015 18:58 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23794

You deserved it

1794

Favorite

By Nicole - 19/9/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18701

You deserved it

44450

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/8/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60082

You deserved it

6810

Favorite

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4132

You deserved it

443

Favorite

By charmed - 12/8/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14152

You deserved it

1891

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Phustercluck | 11

#2114352 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:23

I would think, since you're married, you would be passed the 'fart barrier.'

By shakey23 | 1

#2114321 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:19

you sure there wasn't a little bit of shart?

COMMENTS

By shakey23 | 1

#2114321 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:19

you sure there wasn't a little bit of shart?

agm2010 | 0

#2114641 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 9:37

I just added this FMl to my favorites! how funny 'get it off, get it off!!'
just warning ya op but I would advise you to prepare for major teasing from him.:)
it's cute tho <3

tpreston | 0

#2116217 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 22:19

this fml made my day

I lol'd

tattortotamus | 0

#2117326 - Thursday 24 February 2011 7:13

hahdha me too, it's damn great! I can just picture a man jumping around shrieking that. :P

meowmeowwkitty | 0

#2121711 - Friday 25 February 2011 7:14

that is NOT cute.

MushyLuvsU | 0

#2142241 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 20:25

97 Is a sunburnt party pooper. D:

sexxy_skater | 0

#2198526 - Friday 18 March 2011 6:36

110-Agreed.

By rowbot4 | 0

#2114342 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:22

ewwwwwwwww girls have cooties!

flamegrilled123 | 3

#2114743 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 10:50

that stupid girls don't fart

jonan1212 | 5

#2115003 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 12:40

Thay toot!

Perksofbeingawal | 0

#2116315 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 23:29

Toot it n' boot it

By abalgatti | 0

#2114347 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:23

are you sure you didn't blow the covers off?

By Hanimon | 0

#2114348 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:23

OMG that's hilarious lol

Dr_Jalepenos | 0

#3019063 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 3:30

lol @ CutieBooty

By Phustercluck | 11

#2114352 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:23

I would think, since you're married, you would be passed the 'fart barrier.'

Cenobyte | 10

#2114536 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 9:04

lol
I don't think the 'fart barrier' applies when said fart is On Your Leg.

amiebran | 3

#2114779 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 11:12

I agree, husband needs to get over it!

By kcnutt10 | 1

#2114361 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:26

Fake - Girls don't fart.

MrBoredGuy | 1

#2114570 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 9:14

exactly

IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2114675 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 9:54

my exact thoughts!

redbluegreen | 40

#2114765 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 11:08

Exactly. How else do you expect girls to be as light as a feather?

xNikkiez | 0

#2115181 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 13:53

My boyfriend still actually believes that haha, I'm not gonna ruin it for him though lol

yesiyes | 0

#2115403 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:20

blow him a lil kiss

FuttBuck | 0

#2115428 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 17:38

LOL, that'll change the whole subject, won't it? (;

PedoPancakes | 7

#3925762 - Sunday 22 January 2012 20:25

Obviously, you haven't been near a girl for longer then 5 minutes.

By JustinThunder | 8

#2114371 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:29

Well don't just stand there, get it off!

Xx_Nikky_xX | 4

#2115251 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 15:09

haha

By yayforcheesecake | 0

#2114389 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:32

why didn't you fart during the sex? this FML would've been better that way.

By XxCesar503xX | 0

#2114405 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:36

LMFAO

By rockon10 | 3

#2114436 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:41

hahahahahahahahaha!! How is this an FML?! That's hilarious!

kcnutt10 | 1

#2114448 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:43

Because a bunch of people were moderating the FMLs and when they came across this one, they voted "yes."

QueenPersephone | 9

#2114516 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 8:56

Thank you Captain Obvious for that astonishing insight.

kcnutt10 | 1

#2114543 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 9:04

She asked, I answered.

testthecoal | 5

#2117009 - Thursday 24 February 2011 5:16

in the most mundane way; who are you, bill nye?