Kids: Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the...

By Anonymous - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54950

You deserved it

7041

Favorite

Kids

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Two states of matter

By bastardchild_01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32077

You deserved it

3728

Favorite

By phillyfan4life - United States

Today, I saw my dog sleeping, so I laid next to her and put her arm around my neck to be cute. Only for her to wake up and bite my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17764

You deserved it

28375

Favorite

By hedayk - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24217

You deserved it

11971

Favorite

By fuck people - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50947

You deserved it

3161

Favorite

By PartyPooper - Netherlands

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4353

You deserved it

297

Favorite

By itsgonnabealongnight... - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24295

You deserved it

3031

Favorite

By straightlyconfused - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23182

You deserved it

2606

Favorite

By spellbound - Australia - Perth

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38491

You deserved it

4079

Favorite

By pink_cupcakes - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51767

You deserved it

4760

Favorite

By coloris

Today, I came home on crutches. My dog was immediately afraid of them, and came running towards me, growling and barking. She ran right into me, knocking me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1563

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57662

You deserved it

13745

Favorite

By vee2013 - Canada - London

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39112

You deserved it

6907

Favorite

By letstradefamilies - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19291

You deserved it

1813

Favorite

By Vic - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38212

You deserved it

4005

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought a new, expensive face moisturizer. However, it smells like poop. I paid $20 dollars to make my face smell like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13564

You deserved it

31299

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26967

You deserved it

1826

Favorite

By thissucks - United States

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52676

You deserved it

174408

Favorite

By Anonymous

Halloween has started early

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1496

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51407

You deserved it

6091

Favorite

By Jesica Mcgee - 29/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Ferndale

Narcissist

Today, I got a job, a good job with benefits, 401 k, took a lot of work to get this: background check, drug testing, being qualified and I need to pay bills. I can't even be happy because my husband got demoted. It's all about him, and fuck my hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1218

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By suzanneallen - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15091

You deserved it

40840

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47603

You deserved it

17448

Favorite

By silkworm - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52855

You deserved it

2740

Favorite

By RdL - United States

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

I agree, your life sucks

69443

You deserved it

31392

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/4/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Good boy

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

754

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By blow away - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43146

You deserved it

4538

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61360

You deserved it

9947

Favorite

By tim12345 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33075

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By spaaaarta

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8663

You deserved it

12404

Favorite

By Mikabe - Sweden

Today, I was working as an intern at a day care. One of the kids touched my chest a couple of times, and I jokingly told him that he shouldn't touch old and ugly women like me. So he started groping the little girls instead. When the other teachers asked him why, he said I had told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35295

You deserved it

12900

Favorite

By Alexis

Today, I took a cab ride home from a bar. After a few minutes of horrible driving, I felt sick. The cab driver got so mad she locked me in the car and started driving me to the cops unless I payed her extra. Basically, I paid $120 for a five-minute cab ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6572

You deserved it

1355

Favorite

By clumsy

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35161

You deserved it

4685

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41346

You deserved it

3009

Favorite

By Jake - 10/3/2021 23:00

Relatable reasoning

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

818

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By - United States - Gualala

Today, while house sitting for my mother and stepfather, their elderly dog passed away. They live in such a remote location, the closest open vet office is a 2 hour drive, and the local one opens in 10 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2327

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By ForeverAlone - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31824

You deserved it

3059

Favorite

By Anonymous

ur mom gay

Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4195

You deserved it

679

Favorite

By booty backfire - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44903

You deserved it

7711

Favorite

By Takegami

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2452

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30820

You deserved it

3356

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RainbowDashie140 | 12

#5457748 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:13

Playboy level: Your Son

By Marty20612 | 5

#5457746 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:12

Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man

COMMENTS

By Pleonasm | 34

#5457742 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:11

Charles Manly-son.

jessi_sunshine | 26

#5457783 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:24

Maybe he can give you a few tips? Seriously, though, OP, perhaps you should sit him down and have a chat.

lonewolf621 | 17

#5458085 - Sunday 21 April 2013 9:26

We have a little trouble maker here.

AngelSpit | 18

#5458382 - Sunday 21 April 2013 15:32

Hey the daycare doesn't have to Tate that kind of abuse from your child they should be learning to be part of a Family and strive for Sharon and cooperation. Would it Kill you to keep your kid in line the world's Helter-Skelter enough sheesh

jessi_sunshine | 26

#5458729 - Sunday 21 April 2013 19:36

Maybe he can give you some tips? No, but seriously, OP, maybe it's time to sit him down and have a chat?

By Marty20612 | 5

#5457746 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:12

Lol that's funny:) He's already a lady's man

whos_ur_daddy1 | 19

#5457871 - Sunday 21 April 2013 4:43

He's going to be a heart breaker one day!

Uhscanherdarklee | 10

#5457885 - Sunday 21 April 2013 4:56

Or a face breaker if he continues to have women fight over him.

whos_ur_daddy1 | 19

#5457942 - Sunday 21 April 2013 5:40

Not a bad life haha

Bubbelz | 24

#5458508 - Sunday 21 April 2013 16:41

He's a tooth breaker already!

By shyeahh_fml | 19

#5457747 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:12

Your son is a badass!

miss_madison | 10

#5458717 - Sunday 21 April 2013 19:30

Her son is Dean Winchester.

By RainbowDashie140 | 12

#5457748 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:13

Playboy level: Your Son

greatdanen | 6

#5458093 - Sunday 21 April 2013 9:45

his skill level is over 9000!!

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5458281 - Sunday 21 April 2013 13:54

WHAT? 9000?

Dashelle | 25

#5619731 - Friday 9 August 2013 7:05

We got another Hugh Hefner

By Eorlas | 31

#5457753 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:13

I hope he's capitalizing on that skill.

klovemachine | 24

#5457823 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:57

Future pimp :-D

kingdrizzt | 5

#5457898 - Sunday 21 April 2013 5:05

At 5???? O.o

lmasters35 | 5

#5458603 - Sunday 21 April 2013 18:23

Did you miss the part where it says "FUTURE" pimp? As in, NOT right now?

By groovycrazyjoe | 18

#5457755 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

lilhellian | 26

#5457773 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:18

How does Johnny Knoxvill fit into this comment?

snugglesMcGee199 | 23

#5458090 - Sunday 21 April 2013 9:39

May the odds be ever in your favor!!!!!!

By Authoress14 | 15

#5457758 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:14

I see a CIA operative in his future career

musiciangirl591 | 16

#5457786 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:26

"the name's bond, james bond" :P

iLike2Teabag | 27

#5457870 - Sunday 21 April 2013 4:42

Because James Bond is totally CIA and totally American.

C'mon man.

Catkam623 | 27

#5458568 - Sunday 21 April 2013 17:40

*the names Leiter... Felix Leiter.

musiciangirl591 | 16

#5458809 - Sunday 21 April 2013 20:43

34- i saw CIA operative and its the first thing that popped into my head :P

Crazynopantsman | 11

#5458858 - Sunday 21 April 2013 21:31

Bourne, Jason Bourne.

Catkam623 | 27

#5459427 - Monday 22 April 2013 6:01

Bourne was ex medusa then treadstone. He was only used by the CIA wasn't actually a operative.

Linebacker74 | 8

#5804754 - Wednesday 25 December 2013 17:16

Dammit 114 let us have this one thing

By DejonE | 10

#5457764 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:15

Just wait till high school

lennelleong | 33

#5580003 - Sunday 14 July 2013 17:56

What, are you gonna make him wear a chastity belt & groin lock before high school? (: Kids are so sexually precocious these days....

By AnimeBitch | 14

#5457767 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:16

Welcome to the Jersey Shore Day Care :).

By CatchMe25 | 16

#5457769 - Sunday 21 April 2013 3:17

Ahh the joys of young love! Haha

RainbowDashie140 | 12

#5458590 - Sunday 21 April 2013 18:05

They're 5 years old. Get real.

someteenager | 13

#5459117 - Monday 22 April 2013 3:27

I think she was joking

CatchMe25 | 16

#5463583 - Wednesday 24 April 2013 19:25

I apologize that my own brand of wit has been lost on you and you felt the need to spread your unhappiness. You should work on that and try not to take yourself so seriously! (Sarcasm indicated)