Miscellaneous: Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using...

By poop towel - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

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Miscellaneous

BO Central

The smell detective is on the case

This ain't working out

By mako

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

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By adalia - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

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By Happy Employee - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

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By Anthony Hathaway

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

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By FuckSteakNShake

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

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By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

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By down1dog

RIP in peace

Today, while out of town, I got a hysterical phone call from my teenage nephew who was pet-sitting at my house. My geriatric dog, who seemed fine when we left, had died during the night. Now my family is mourning the dog and my nephew is traumatized. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By anonymouss - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

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By superjesse006 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

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By powsser - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By Katie - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

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By OhBoy - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

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By Unfortunate - United States - Bellevue

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

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By spiderfail - United States - Erie

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM, and I'd just finished watching a scary movie, so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep, when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML

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By Turdfoot - United States - Prosper

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

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By StillAVirgin - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2021 19:01 - United States - Steele

Narcissistic mom strikes again

Today, my mother told me that I "should have never had children" after I sided with my son when he yelled at her for talking too loudly. I have hyperacusis, and my son has sensory deprivation disorder. My mom knows this, and blames it on her friends who are hard of hearing. Nothing is ever her fault. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

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By princessbbee - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

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By shootme - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

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By Ataraxia - United States

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

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By Anonymous - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

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By dieold - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

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8755

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By samantha - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

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By Reeen - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

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By suspicious - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

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By Ouchithurt - United States

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

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Top comments

By Ekh0es | 37

#3295796 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:08

Lol OMG that is gross... Sorry OP. Hide the towels.

By enonymous | 8

#3295832 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:12

It adds volume and body and gives your hair definite character

COMMENTS

By Ekh0es | 37

#3295796 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:08

Lol OMG that is gross... Sorry OP. Hide the towels.

woahbro2slow | 0

#3295844 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:13

so did you have to use toilet paper to wash your hands? :) haha

LilBunny | 0

#3295915 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:21

And I bet she uses toilet paper to dry off after taking a shower

rallets | 22

#3296014 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:35

does he shower and do laundry?

fugachumi | 0

#3296030 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:38

OP's name is poop towel lmao

newzealand | 28

#3296085 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:49

Two girls one towel..

ItsTheKing | 10

#3296101 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:54

Fuck Garnier Fructis. Poop gives your hair volume.

echogekko | 7

#3296172 - Friday 16 September 2011 2:34

Eheheheheewwww

Streeet_hayley | 6

#3296343 - Friday 16 September 2011 4:12

What a waste of towels

Rundowntheblock | 3

#3296450 - Friday 16 September 2011 5:02

Well thats a shitty idea isnt it?

fakeaccountX | 6

#3296452 - Friday 16 September 2011 5:02

What a classy lady.

Horde | 8

#3297392 - Friday 16 September 2011 10:34

Don't hide your towel. Use one from a drawer, and treat your one 'neares towel in reach' with some hot pepper spray. That will teach the bitch to respect property!

zniltiaC | 19

#3299270 - Friday 16 September 2011 17:30

Hide yo towels, hide yo cloths.

Kiirst_mt1994 | 26

#3462178 - Thursday 20 October 2011 17:57

there might not have been any toilet paper at the time, but seriously, LOL!

By SlimShady167 | 3

#3295818 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:11

Haha what the fuck? That's gross:/ Sorry OP, FYL

Dalliance | 4

#3296093 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:52

I babysat a kid once who did this. He'd had explosive diarrhea and used the towel to wipe his legs that were dripping in nearly liquid feces. But he was four.

tsim_fml | 0

#3297162 - Friday 16 September 2011 9:03

Two girls one towel?

ceepevoy | 0

#3297244 - Friday 16 September 2011 9:26

Wtf is wrong with ppl?

bustub2 | 8

#3299331 - Friday 16 September 2011 17:54

I believe a jury would let you off for that.

By BroSkii69 | 8

#3295821 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:11

What a shitty roommate ;)

Turner_22 | 0

#3296071 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:47

FAIL.

By enonymous | 8

#3295832 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:12

It adds volume and body and gives your hair definite character

danishbagel | 3

#3296301 - Friday 16 September 2011 3:41

Also covers you in shit.

Keyman1212 | 14

#3296644 - Friday 16 September 2011 5:52

I've heard caking shit into your hair is the secret to all the Jersey Shore character's incredibly immobile hair.

ntherewas1 | 11

#3298306 - Friday 16 September 2011 12:55

And this is my favourite comment of the day!

By levisguy53 | 25

#3295841 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:13

sounds like you have to day down the law and housebreak this chick.

SteelCladAngel | 0

#3299450 - Friday 16 September 2011 18:35

Rub her face in the dirty towel and smack her nose with a rolled up magazine.

By FYLDeep | 25

#3295851 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:14

How do people like this ever make it into college?

leadman1989 | 15

#3300431 - Friday 16 September 2011 22:32

Cheating!

luccmon | 6

#3301730 - Saturday 17 September 2011 3:06

Nobody said it was college. Roommate applies to anyone living together in any given dwelling..... But having cleared that up, your question is still valid.

By Snookie85 | 19

#3295875 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:17

That's just wrong!

By MangoRico1 | 1

#3295882 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:18

She has class I see.... Or just puts the Ass in it

By boredblonde | 17

#3295901 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:19

That is just ........ no

By Penn2894 | 6

#3295945 - Friday 16 September 2011 1:24

That sucks. Keep your towels with you in a drawer or something and only take them to the bathroom when they need to shower?