The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By SonOfaSpy - 18/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 088

You deserved it 2 677

By badnewsbears - 21/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 129

You deserved it 4 437

By devigsgirl - 26/08/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 5 969

By nrelavender - 26/05/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 125

You deserved it 11 462

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 748

You deserved it 6 703

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 456

You deserved it 4 702

By chunkymonkey - 23/11/2011 23:54

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 833

You deserved it 6 287

By Puddlepop - 01/03/2016 09:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 257

You deserved it 1 666

By 635CSi - 06/06/2012 05:23 - United States - San Diego

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 136

You deserved it 2 998

By kevdev - 09/09/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 9 363

By Anonymous - 17/06/2015 14:12 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 221

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 14/09/2009 09:41 - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 112

You deserved it 4 384

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 21:25 - Australia

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 655

You deserved it 4 847

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 753

You deserved it 5 792

Stranger danger

By john doe - 07/12/2013 17:29 - United States - Portland

Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 083

You deserved it 6 212

My gift is my song and this one's for you

By sadsongstress - 12/08/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 305

You deserved it 22 830

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 340

You deserved it 6 702

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name isn't Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 783

You deserved it 79 237

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 05:56 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 181

You deserved it 7 837

By farrahfarrest_ - 02/07/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 704

You deserved it 3 834

By messed up - 16/09/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 614

You deserved it 2 621

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 619

You deserved it 4 911

By drakx88 - 06/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 081

You deserved it 6 574

By Ashleigh - 02/03/2012 22:53 - Australia

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 927

You deserved it 33 063

By thisrllysucks - 05/09/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 720

You deserved it 10 668

By whatadaydanny - 10/10/2012 13:58 - Dominica

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 245

You deserved it 2 961

whatadaydanny tells us more.

whatadaydanny 12

Wednesday 10 October 2012 21:16

I replied with a simple "Oh really?"; pretty mid-ground comment if you ask me :) And she is a woman. In the office right now and she just smiled at me.

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 12 185

By lonelyashell - 02/03/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 918

You deserved it 5 164

By RidingCJ - 05/11/2013 18:04 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was conducting surveys over the phone at work. As I called a new respondent, someone answered the phone, burped loudly, and hung up. This isn't the first time. I hate this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 998

You deserved it 7 446

RidingCJ tells us more.

RidingCJ 17

Tuesday 5 November 2013 23:26

OP here. First of all we are not telemarketers because we are not selling anything. Telemarketers are the ones who will not let you go and force you to buy things over the phone. Second of all, yeah I know those calls are annoying. We are all aware of that. Do you think we really like to do this?! I'm a full time college student and this is the only job that fits my schedule. Whenever a telemarketer or interviewer calls you, just say I'm NOT INTERESTED PLEASE TAKE MY NAME OFF YOUR LIST. and we won't call you again. It's simple. And please, no need to be rude.

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a bar with some friends when my wife texted me asking where I was. Not wanting her to know I was at a bar, I told her I was still at work. She was sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 571

You deserved it 67 696