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Am I the only one who saw this as the boyfriend trying to avoid a hurtful and awkward situation? I mean yeah, I guess losing weight could fix this if he's still with you and avoiding awkward conversation with stranger by lying. But if your comfortable I still don't see a problem. Someone enlighten me
He has no reason whatsoever to be proud of someone he presumably loves who's gotten overweight to the point of being perceived as pregnant. He's completely justified in being ashamed of her weight. To compare, I love my dad, but he's slightly overweight and I'm ashamed of him for that; I'm ashamed of him exactly because I love him. I want him to be healthy so he can be around for a while, but when he eats unhealthy food because he "likes the taste of it" - as he says - I feel ashamed of him by proxy of the decisions he makes that lead to his being overweight. In other words, I'm ashamed of him because I only want what's best for him and he lets me down.
#30 keep in mind that being fat does not mean you're unhealthy. If he is fat because he eats a ton of candy, dessert, and fast food, that's a different matter. Also I'm not sure how old your dad is, but some people (especially if they work desk jobs) have a very hard time staying lean when they get older.
33 - I never claimed he was justified in what he did. I said he was justified in feeling ashamed. You're putting words in my mouth. It's perfectly acceptable to feel a certain way. What you do with that feeling is something else entirely. To go back to my example with my dad, I am ashamed of his being overweight, but I would never make up some excuse to other people as to why he's that way. Instead, in private, I talk to him about my concern for his health and wellbeing and try to get him to eat healthily because I love him.
#30 if your ashamed that's your fault its almost impossible for someone be the exact perfect weight so you have honestly no right to be ashamed I feel bad for you father that you say these things about him. smh. Also you probably have been over or under weight there both big problems.
36 - By very definition, being fat/overweight IS unhealthy. My dad works a desk job, so he practically never exercises. Not only that, he eats all sorts junk candy and desserts. Pastries, cookies, popcorn, chips, Arizona iced tea (which is basically only calories, carbs and sugar), fatty sauces, fatty types of meats, cheeses, beers on occasion, donuts, etc. We don't eat fast food but the junk he buys and eats from the grocery store ensures that he's unhealthy.
41 - I am not at all at fault for feeling ashamed about my dad willfully eating unhealthy foods, resulting in him being overweight. I eat healthy and workout regularly, but a few years ago I was a bit on the chubby side. The things I've said about my dad are not rude whatsoever. You're a classic SJW getting hung up on the societal taboo of talking about someone weight. Also, stop making idiotic assumptions about me.
His body and his choices. If he's bothered then he'll change. It's a societal taboo to talk about someone's weight because it's rude and no one's business but their own. I've worked hard to lose 60lbs and am at a healthy weight but I will never be ashamed of my siblings, who are obese.
I get your love for your dad, but I think you're using the wrong word. You aren't ashamed, which is another word for embarrassed, of him. You're concerned over his choices of diet and exercise, and are attempting to help. OP's bf is clearly embarrassed if her.
#40 that's incredibly sad that you're ashamed of your own father because he's "slightly overweight" grow up. life is not about appearances. and, if her bf is ashamed of her, then she deserves better. my husband is a twig and he can gain 200 pounds and I would still be absolutely in love with him. I would never, ever be ashamed of him for gaining weight. I'm sorry the media has put great pressure on everyone to look a certain way, but come on dude. get the fuck over it and be a good son. I'm ashamed of YOU! FYL.
Ya I'm sorry #40. Your dad probably works hard to support you and his family or at least did at one point. I can understand being ashamed because he never works or he abandoned you as a child or he cheated on your mom. But because he is overweight? You need to get your priorities checked.
I feel like you don't actually know ant ashamed means. What you're saying sounds more like you're disappointed or sad that he's overweight. Ashamed would be trying to hide him from people, i.e. pretending he's not your dad when out with him, or not letting your friends meet him because of his weight.
45 - you failed. Her assumptions were not so idiotic, when you freely admit that you were once chubby. You're just lashing out like a petulant child because someone called you on your poor behavior. And being overweight doesn't automatically equal unhealthy. Try again.
46 - You clearly don't understand the concept of my being concerned for his well-being and being ashamed that he willfully eats unhealthy foods. 57 - No, I AM ashamed of him, specifically his poor choices as far as diet and exercise are concerned. 60 - I couldn't give a fuck about appearances. I'm concerned about his health, like I've already stated. Being overweight is unhealthy, and he's overweight because of his own choices. Stop with this vanity lecture, as I don't care about societal norms; I care about my dad's well-being, and I'm ashamed that he's choosing to eat unhealthy things. Fuck off with you moral bullshit. 67 - What the hell are you talking about? Like I said, he works and always has worked full-time with a good-paying government job. He and my mother are still happily married and we're all living under the same roof. I said he never works out - as in exercising, not that he "never works". His being overweight is a direct reflection of poor dietary choices on his part, and I'm fully justified in feeling ashamed of him for that. 73 - Not having any medically-diagnosed problem doesn't mean you're healthy. Eating unhealthy food will not make you healthy; it'll make you unhealthy. 74 - Once again, I actually AM ashamed of him when we go out sometimes, because his belly sticks out so much and I - as someone who strives for a very healthy lifestyle - feel embarrassed and ashamed to be associated with that level of personal negligence. 77 - I am neither ignorant nor a child, though thanks for the blatant ad hominem, it really drives the point home that you're completely incorrect. 90 - You're funny - in a pathetic way. Her assumptions were nothing more than idiotic. Her entire comment is incoherent to say the least, so it's hard to decipher what she's trying to get across in her last sentence. The way she worded it was more aligned with "You probably have never been [...]", though I have no idea what she means by "so there (sic) both big problems". I'm assuming that whole sentence is some sort of attempt at invalidating my thoughts on the basis that I somehow have never been in the situation I'm condemning. I then freely admitted that I had been in a situation where I was a bit chubbier (before a growth spurt), in order to back-up my claims. You fail at logic. My behaviour is and was of the highest moral grade. Oh and being overweight, once again, is, by very definition, unhealthy. Educate yourself.
My parents are both on the verge of being morbidly obese, they cannot walk long distances, have health problems and will be rude to people when we go out for dinner because they weren't given enough food. The only thing that has caused it is they come home, melt into the sofa and eat mountains of junk. They will buy food for the whole family but all of it is junk, and when the rest of us are trying to eat healthily it just doesn't help to have junk food forced at you. I wouldn't say I'm ashamed of my parents, I'm more disgusted by their lifestyles. When I was a young kid people would ask my mum how pregnant she was, and the questions soon stopped once people realised she was just fat and got bigger and bigger each year. Being overweight is unhealthy. A little bit overweight isn't too bad but when it gets to the stage my parents are at, it causes a lot of problems. We try to help them but they just don't listen or try to stick to it. I do however think OP's bf should've just said she's not pregnant, as in a few months they'll be asking about a non-existent baby. I must admit, my ex's family asked me if I was pregnant as I wore a top tighter than normal, and I don't have a flat stomach. Perhaps OP is only like that?
131 - That's fine that you feel that way about your parents, but it doesn't detract from the fact that I feel ashamed of my dad or that OP's boyfriend is ashamed of her. There's nothing wrong with feeling a certain way. Oh and fat is distributed evenly throughout the body. That means if someone has a buldging gut, the rest of them is also flabby.
#30... that's a terrible thing to say! Understandable to be concerned about him/annoyed at him for continuing to eat unhealthy, but ashamed?!? That's like being humiliated to be seen with him in public. Not cool!!! Especially if, as you stated, he is only "slightly" overweight.
134 - No, it's a perfectly acceptable thing to say. Oh and yes, that's actually exactly what ashamed means. I have every right to be embarrassed of his unhealthy habits. 139 - I never claimed to love him "unconditionally". I said I love him. As such, I'm entitled to feel ashamed of his unhealthy lifestyle choices. I'm pushing him to be healthier BECAUSE (I've said this before) I love him. Oh and he's my FATHER. I'm not going to sit by and watch his health deteriorate of his own volition, especially if there's something I can do about it. I'm glad you don't want me as your child. Likewise, you, as a 27-year-old with evidently poor critical thinking abilities, would make a horrible mother ("ERMAGERD SON SHUTUP AND LEMME GET FAT IF I WANNA"). No. Bye. They make interventions for a reason. I bet you condemn those, too.
I'm seeing a lot of trying to justify what size a person is, but the fact of the matter is, it's their body. They understand what they "should or shouldn't do", but if they don't care, neither should you. My father chews tobacco and while I wish he didn't, it's his life, and it doesn't change him as a person so I love him just the same. Wanting a better change for someone is fine, but feeling "ashamed" or "disappointed" because they aren't doing what you want is just stupid =P
143 - I am neither a troll nor am I embarrassed. I know for a fact I'm not alone in my way of thinking, and I'm simply defending my point of view. You obviously have nothing productive to say. 144 - If they don't care, neither should I? That's the most idiotic thing I've read all day. He's my father, and I care for his well-being, even if he doesn't. Imagine some kid only wants to eat candy all day because he doesn't care what it does to his body. The parents (if they're responsible) will not let their kid eat candy all day and will only allow him to eat healthy food. It's the same principle here. It's not that my father isn't "doing what I want", it's that he's neglecting his own well-being. It's not at all stupid to feel a certain way about that.
Everyone dies. I'd rather have a short but happy life eating what I like and living how I like with a loving family than only eat healthy if it's not what I want (also no, I'm not fat, I'm an Auz size 12 at 4 months pregnant) I understand your concern for your dad and as I'm going to be a mum myself I have chosen a healthy lifestyle so I can be there for my kids as they grow. However you've stated that you're not a child, your father has always worked hard and provided for your family and he lives a happy life, so while you can be (and possibly should be) disappointed that you feel he isn't doing his best to stick around for you, just let the man treat himself and be happy. Working out and having a great body might make you happy, but not everyone thinks the same way :)
149 - You're presenting the classically fallacious defeatist argument that nothing really matters. He's BEEN treating himself his whole damn life, and every time I confront him about the junk he's eating in that very moment he simply acknowledges it with "I know" and keeps going. This repeats ad nauseum day after day. He agrees with me that he shouldn't buy and/or eat the things he does, but he can never seem to draw the willpower on his own when it comes time to buy more food. THAT is what I take issue with and THAT is why I refuse to let it slide with him. Anyone is wrong to think that it's ok to be fat. Disagreeing with me on this matter doesn't mean you're right.
36 Being fat absolutely indicates you are unhealthy. Inequivocably. It's basic thermodynamics. Energy in vs energy out. Fat people didn't break physics. They have poor self control, are lazy and care more for short term pleasures than long term health. They deserve shame.
157 you try to sound smart, but fail. People have different body types. I know there are many heavier people that eat better and work out more than me and my brother. And we are skinny, especially him. And I am actually the one who eats healthier. We get it from my dad, who eats a lot too, whether it be healthy or unhealthy. So I find it very hard to think that there's not people the opposite of us. Not to mention medical conditions that CAUSE people to be overweight.
161 - You're completely incorrect. Everything 157 said is accurate. Being fat is completely the person's fault, "medical condition" or not. Muscled people are heavy. They're not unhealthy. You shouldn't be analyzing weight. The issue here is body fat. Your anecdotes do not constitute valid arguments.
By definition, if an uncontrollable medical condition (genetic conditions, thyroid disorders, etc) causes weight problems, it is not that person's fault (of course excluding issues such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease brought on by unhealthy lifestyles). Maybe it's their fault if they let it be a crutch or ignore it to the point that it consumes them, but beyond that.. You should give your dad some constructive criticism and encourage him in ways that don't belittle him. Everyone has their problems. Acting like you're superior for being able to overcome one problem your dad can't or won't is just petty narcissism. No one will ever experience your reality, and you will never experience anyone else's. Things that seem easily overcome to you might be incredibly difficult for someone else. You can go around saying all fat people are lazy gits all you want, but that's just a reflection of how bitter and lacking in sympathy and common sense you are.
168 - That's the most ignorant and idiotic comment I've read all day. Everything you've just said is purely incoherent sophistry. You know nothing about me or of the rapport between my dad and myself, so you're in absolutely no position to even begin to attempt to tell me what to do with my life and my interactions with my own father. Every single human being is, at the most primal of levels, capable of being healthy. Any excuse any idiot like you could come up with chalks up to nothing more than apoligism for sloth and negligence. Everyone is capable of eating healthy and making time for exercise. You're a fool if you think otherwise and think I somehow lack common sense. The literal fucking nerve of you to be so pretentious as to think that you're even remotely correct in this situation. Get the fuck out.
Ouch, tell him if he keeps that up he won't get any chances to get you pregnant.
Of course everyone should aim to be healthy, but what that man said and what OP's boyfriend did is still not acceptable or appropriate. For all anyone knows, OP might have previously been much bigger than this, and OP is in the process of losing weight. Also, although physical appearance is a good indicator of fitness, weight isn't the best way to measure fitness. For example, I have a really fast metabolism, however, I am in no way fit.
Last I checked being fit means being in a healthy weight range along with muscular definition, and all the good things that come from that (blood pressure, cholesterol, resting heart rate, blood glucose all in a good range, give and take very rare conditions that combat those).
#122, it is, and I'm not at all saying that OP is completely fit, but she is probably more fit than other people with high metabolism. That was poor phrasing on my part, sorry, I basically just mean that you can't judge fitness on just looks. Also, I'm not saying that being overweight is a good thing, so sorry if I'm coming across that way.
It's not an easy solution for many people. Some people have body types that allow them to lose weight very quickly, or even to never gain weight in the first place. However, others have body types that make it very hard for them. Going out side and running, as you put it, is not enough for most people.
Different body types and metabolism (assuming op is not old) are excuses for not losing weight. It really is just a matter of counting calories and exercising regularly and efficiently. There are conditions and medicines that make losing weight difficult, but they are not nearly as common as people make them out to be.
No need to start with running; just walking for 30-60 minutes would help. Reducing your caloric intake will lead to weight loss. After a certain point, it will plateau meaning you'll have to exercise, but at the beginning, you could shed tons of weight by just eating healthier amd eating less. For example, reducing your caloric intake by 700 calories every day is equivalent to about an hour of hard running. TL; DR most of weight loss comes from your diet, not how much you exercise.
Bad metabolism? Leave green tea bags in a cup of water overnight, drink it every morning, and then around four times a day. Stay hydrated with just tea and water. Run, walk, skip, jump, but ffs just do something for thirty minutes or an hour every day, or even every other day. You don't have to count calories. Just eat lean meat, some green veggies, rice, you know healthier foods, and you'll be fine, and lose weight. It's really not as hard as people make it out to be, it's discipline and motivation that gets you, you miss one day, then you're going to want to keep missing them.
For everybody murdering that thumbs down button, yeah, is easy, I went from 290 to 214. I did it just by eating right. It took me a less than a year or close to a year. Is just a mind thing. I don't care what nobody says. Just eat right, drop that damn bacon or fried foods. Get right. That's all there is to it.
I don't understand, if he's ashamed of you, why is he with you? Anyway, you should leave him. Even if he says that he loves you, he still doesn't wanna be seen with you unless you're pretending to be pregnant.
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In my opinion YDI. If you're worried about him being ashamed of you, change how you eat and work out. I don't feel bad for (almost) anyone overweight. 99% of people that are over weight are in control of what happens to their body. A little jog every afternoon and healthy eating can go a long way, OP.
#26, Preach it. When I was younger, my parents were always working, and when they were home, they didn't pay much attention to me. So I just ate away, not realizing what I was doing to myself. in 4th grade, I ate two large bowls of cereal everyday, but no one told me to stop, or even told me the consequences of eating like that. Then, once i hit 8th grade, I wised up and did something about it. I was lucky enough to have a mediocre metabolism, so that along with eating less and exercise caused me to lose a bunch of weight. But like I said, I used to be very overweight, so I know that it isn't as easy as just "a little jog", and changing a diet after having such bad eating habits shouldn't be just shrugged off as an easy task.
#56 and 61, they aren't that rare. If you do some digging, a large number of the health issues people say come with being overweight have been disproven. For morbidly obese people, those might be true, but not just overweight. My dad is one of the healthiest people I know (certainly healthier than me in eating habits) and is borderline overweight/obese.
Hey Buckstop, congrats, man. That's what fitness is all about. Be proud of what you accomplished and what more you can do! I grew up poor w/a single mom and with the idea that mac n' cheese was food. After 20 yrs I'm still working out. Keep sharing your story and always get back on the saddle!