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Doppelganger

By Rynne S. - 13/03/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 625

You deserved it 2 489

By australian6196 - 05/02/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 72

By hurtinrealbad - 16/10/2012 17:25 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had a cyst in my butt removed. The doctors had to make a hole, and then fill it with gauze before sending me home. As soon as I got back, my sister decided to kick me in the butt as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 147

You deserved it 1 981

By unfortunategeek - 23/12/2010 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 548

You deserved it 7 623

By facepalm - 12/09/2011 08:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 3 816

Fill em up!

By gkid92 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 810

You deserved it 43 453

By Adam - 18/11/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 375

You deserved it 70 274

Show us what you can do

By easilyexited - 01/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 395

You deserved it 17 626

By Pierceew - 19/09/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 625

You deserved it 37 828

By life insurance for 1 - 30/05/2013 16:29 - United States - Encino

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 727

You deserved it 5 588

By jakewr - 02/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 359

You deserved it 19 864

Nice try

By rutho - 27/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I cheated on a math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in, feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 933

You deserved it 209 045

By Bella - 15/01/2013 18:57 - United States - Sanford

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 145

You deserved it 7 853

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 851

You deserved it 26 570

Don't knock it til you try it

By confusedmofo - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 338

You deserved it 8 324

By unrequited - 18/05/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 13 281

By stalked - 08/01/2014 20:27 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 688

You deserved it 4 802

By mandy - 01/08/2009 01:51 - Australia

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 384

You deserved it 4 601

By whatadisappointmnet - 05/11/2011 18:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 630

You deserved it 9 984

By fastfingers409 - 22/04/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 542

You deserved it 46 414

By whyme - 13/07/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 681

You deserved it 41 882

Worth it

By Anonymous - 29/04/2012 19:26 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 6 691

By Sue Ellen - 21/04/2014 15:43 - United States - Providence

Spicy

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 453

You deserved it 15 345

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 160

You deserved it 8 813

By grandson of a p.o.s. - 14/03/2013 22:04 - United States - Somers

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 179

You deserved it 2 989

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 757

You deserved it 3 990

By computerdude - 02/06/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was driving home, talking to my dad on the phone about losing my job. A man kept honking at me, I remarked to my dad how some people on the road are just assholes for no reason. I later realized I had left my laptop on my roof, and it flew onto the freeway. The man was signaling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 261

You deserved it 66 917

computerdude tells us more.

computerdude 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 20:28

to everyone ranting about the phone: its called bluetooth. to everyone not understanding how laptop got on roof: i was carrying a bunch of stuff and set laptop on the roof to open car door. i had just been reamed out by my office manager and head partners in a humiliating way and was distraught. i set it down the right way (on its rubber feet) so make a mental note for the next part. to everyone claiming the laptop could not / should not have made it to the freeway, and / or flown off: i work close to the freeway, and was amazed myself. I later re-drove the route and found the laptop on the side of teh freeway about 2 miles from where i had originally gotten on. from the damage to it, it looked like it must have caught the wind when i got up to speed and then slid down off to the side of the freeway.

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 866

You deserved it 80 647

By HaleyDrew08 - 26/06/2010 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried giving myself a bikini wax for the first time, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do it right. Now I'm laying on my couch with a wet rag and ice inbetween my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 034

You deserved it 20 123

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 789

You deserved it 13 809

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 650

You deserved it 4 279

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 744

You deserved it 2 224

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 202

You deserved it 3 301

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 572

You deserved it 5 482

Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 146

Today, I'm halfway through of packing my stuff as we are moving to another flat. I discovered that I got chickenpox, which means that I should do no hard physical work. I've got a fever and a headache. It started raining in the morning, so loading stuff to truck is going to be so much fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 138