Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked... - FML

By whatadisappointmnet - 5/11/2011 18:58 - United States

Today, while cuddling up on the couch with my boyfriend, I asked him if this was his happy place too. He said, "Nah, it's in pussies." FML

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Serious times

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Great speech, thanks!

By nitroman64 - 30/7/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

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By husks - 12/4/2011 04:08

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

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By MikeMorin18 - 1/8/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

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By cheap - 18/6/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

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By EyesOffMe - 7/9/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

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By bam.93 - 14/4/2020 17:00

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

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By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

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By SaggyBoy135 - 12/7/2011 12:19 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

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By Sean - 3/3/2012 07:33 - Canada

Today, while my plane took off, I was forced to sit and watch as somebody rear-ended my car in the parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

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By evomadrid24 - 2/6/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML

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By baddaughter - 16/11/2009 17:11 - Canada

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

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By theblackrose23 - 6/9/2013 12:10 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

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By oakley - 7/1/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

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By ScaredDude - 19/5/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

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By Unknown - 26/10/2008 12:56 - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

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By lisa321 - 2/4/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

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By ughhhh - 3/5/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

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By bhnja_ - 18/4/2013 20:34 - Philippines - Mandaue

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

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By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/2/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

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By InfamousLastWord - 27/3/2013 19:34 - United States

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

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By fuck you, mum - 11/1/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 13:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

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By Fatnotpregnant - 30/3/2017 16:00

Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

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By trojan72 - 13/6/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

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By Nomoreballs - 10/7/2012 23:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

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By red_headforlife - 28/9/2012 05:34 - United States - Chandler

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

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By Keastwood013 - 18/1/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

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By wth? - 13/12/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

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By nevermind - 13/8/2019 00:01

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

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By zl5 - 4/7/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

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By Amey - 4/5/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, while watching TV, I danced, sang along, and helped Dora the Explorer get to her Grandmother's house. It was the most fun I've had all year. I'm 21. FML

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By wastedbaby - 4/7/2011 02:02 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2018 15:00

Today, I woke up from surgery to have my appendix removed, only to be told by my wife it didn’t happen because my appendix was healthy. It turns out my intense pain was a rancid fart that lasted nearly 10 whole seconds while I was asleep and cut open on the operating table. FML

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By ugly? - 20/9/2011 08:08 - United States

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2012 02:58 - United States

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

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By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2012 23:08 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

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Top comments

By fenceme235 | 0

#3547691 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:32

Hope he ment yours

By spyman178 | 0

#3547690 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:32

Meow

COMMENTS

By spyman178 | 0

#3547690 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:32

Meow

Reply

akayc32 | 0

#3547746 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:38

Charming..

Reply

ColdplaySucks | 18

#3547857 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:59

An honest man, like every boyfriend should be :)

Reply

amanda_say_whutt | 9

#3547884 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:06

Bark.

Seriously this reminds me of Happy Gilmore. "Happy place" haha.

Reply

DKParth13 | 5

#3547896 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:08

One word .... Plural!

Reply

xXPurpl3Xx | 0

#3547936 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:15

He is my fuckin' GOD!

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3547978 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:23

^^^
likes to fuck gods

Reply

xoconnie | 8

#3548296 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:44

thats quite funny. i dont think thats an fml at all hahahaa

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3548468 - Sunday 6 November 2011 4:40

^ well fucking a god would be simply divine...

Reply

TurdTickler4eva | 0

#3548714 - Sunday 6 November 2011 6:01

In the butt

Reply

LiyIa_fml | 8

#3548756 - Sunday 6 November 2011 6:17

I hope the boyfriend was joking. If not I would slap him and break up with him.

Reply

FYLDipShit | 4

#3548770 - Sunday 6 November 2011 6:26

Liyla you would break up with him for telling the truth? I find that kind of strange since girls always put on Facebook, twitter, etc. that they have always wanted a guy that's honest with them. Maybe you're different and don't like honest guys but most would rather have an honest boyfriend who they know they can trust.

By fenceme235 | 0

#3547691 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:32

Hope he ment yours

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#3547795 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:47

Seeing as it's plural.

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3547904 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:10

She's got

*makes face pinches loaf

Pussy galore

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3547917 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:12

Ata' Boy

Reply

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#3547919 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:12

Ata' Boy

Reply

margie2194 | 12

#3547928 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:14

THREESOME!!!

Sorry that was uncalled for...

I'll crawl back into my hole now

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3547998 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:28

The only uncalled for threesome I've ever heard of was Hillary, Joe, and Barack.
You did just fine.

Reply

SimoneDymond | 3

#3548014 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:30

Haha I LOL'ED at 39's comment!! :)

Reply

AlexanderSilver | 0

#3548057 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:42

I applaud you, 50.

Reply

youcunthole | 0

#3548782 - Sunday 6 November 2011 6:32

52, cool story bro

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3548926 - Sunday 6 November 2011 8:13

58- I applaud your pic. XD

Reply

mexicutioner123 | 0

#3550984 - Sunday 6 November 2011 20:27

Meant*

Reply

AlexanderSilver | 0

#3552738 - Monday 7 November 2011 4:46

Well thank you lol

By hobo09 | 3

#3547694 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:32

Hahaha

By fentron | 3

#3547705 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:34

Unless it's yours, then you got a problem.

Reply

zombicidal | 11

#3547828 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:53

what's wrong with innocent fantasies its not like he's cheating

By YourDone6 | 8

#3547711 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:34

offer him some happy place

Reply

glittercookies | 12

#3548043 - Sunday 6 November 2011 2:38

"would you like to be In a happy place too baby?"

Reply

hahalaughing | 0

#3548198 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:20

hahaha 55

Reply

Iheartfunny | 1

#3548219 - Sunday 6 November 2011 3:24

OPs bf knows his shit

Reply

RawrForYaoi | 0

#3550830 - Sunday 6 November 2011 19:28

At least he was honest c:

By heyred | 11

#3547714 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:34

Wow, plural. FYL.

Reply

fo_86 | 0

#3554519 - Monday 7 November 2011 16:57

Ya multiple isn't a good sign

By mcbabe10 | 0

#3547717 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:35

That's freakin great!!

By EvilPotato | 14

#3547724 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:35

That's a good response that means he likes sex, nothing bad about that.

Reply

private1111 | 0

#3548955 - Sunday 6 November 2011 8:33

Why are people thumbing down the true things here haha? Now theyll thumb me down.

By SirSquishyPants | 1

#3547725 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:35

That's my happy place too!

By Joey44 | 15

#3547727 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:36

He can be in multiple pussies at the same time? The man must be a mutant!

Reply

michael509 | 1

#3547740 - Sunday 6 November 2011 1:38

Or just that freaking good!

Reply

Lanceeden | 12

#3548836 - Sunday 6 November 2011 6:59

Lala

Reply

Lanceeden | 12

#3548845 - Sunday 6 November 2011 7:04

Leopard slugs have penises in their head.

Takes giving head to a whole new level.

Reply

xXshadowrollerXx | 6

#3548862 - Sunday 6 November 2011 7:28

Or perhaps he isn't a man at all, and is simply an octopus.