Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran...

By badhair - United States

Today, I went to a salon. As soon as I walked in, someone ran to me and inspected my hair and said, "We can fix this." I was there to get my daughter's hair done. FML

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36004

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Reverse psychology

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By flicmybicgrl - 23/9/2020 08:01

Look where you're going

Today, I was heading to class with all of my books and papers in my arms. To prevent tripping and falling down the stairs, I decided to take the elevator. On my way there, I slipped and fell because my books were blocking the wet floor sign. FML

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946

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221

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By boobs are for baby - United States - Hesperia

Today, I’m still trying desperately to explain to my boyfriend why I’m not interested in any kind of breast or nipple play. I gave birth to our son just 2 months ago and I strictly breastfeed. He insists it’s "not fair" that the baby gets the breasts all the time. Um, what? FML

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4850

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1027

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By Moose - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

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7574

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 20:00 - United States - New Orleans

Thanks for the setup, dude

Today, I was set up on a date by a coworker. The guy turned up late, but whatever. He then spent 30 breathlessly long minutes complaining about his "bitch of an ex." Then he spent another 30 minutes trying to convince me that the QAnon bullshit was real. I had to pull the whole 'fake emergency phone call' to get the hell out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

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145

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By Around - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

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33988

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By uterus why

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

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2094

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242

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By hellnooo - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

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57982

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7590

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By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

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4129

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351

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By Academia - United Kingdom

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

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35597

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By neoteck - France

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

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26008

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By lohandork - United Kingdom - Roehampton

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML

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7134

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3399

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172

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

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139355

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By Anonymous

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

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24988

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3496

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

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29750

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22107

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28803

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5481

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By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28313

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4683

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By Penny - 18/1/2020 20:00

Animated movies

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

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1569

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429

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

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69117

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4222

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By no - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38314

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

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41911

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By Batman

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3566

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623

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By TheJuggla17 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

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29004

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By peaaaak - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

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49041

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By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

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2765

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189

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 05:01 - Germany - Aachen

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

Today, my mom wrote me an email, asking how I was doing after an accident yesterday. I wrote back at length, telling her everything in detail. Two hours later, she calls me on the phone, asking how I am. She was simply too lazy to check her mail and expected me to tell her everything a second time. FML

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874

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163

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By :( - United States - Montevideo

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10978

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50667

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By romancocks - United States - Palatka

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

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37225

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5770

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By I already have one, thanks - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42203

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By lonely - United States

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

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32595

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

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29551

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By Feema - 9/1/2020 14:00 - United States

I am his girlfriend

Today, right after sex, my boyfriend told me that I was as good as a man, and all that I was missing was a strap-on penis. FML

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2400

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322

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By ToxicSuicide - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34776

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2933

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By mysidesaresplitting - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

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33311

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2218

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By meh beard - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

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21416

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1578

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

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56596

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2020 05:04

NRA fanboy

Today, I finally confronted my husband about his silicon *wedding ring* having rifle bullets on it. He said, "I love you as much as I love guns." I clarified, "As much as?" to give him an out. He replied, 100% serious, that he really loves his guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

785

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369

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By Squid - Canada - Parksville

Today, my older boyfriend and I went shopping together. When we arrived at the till, the cashier looked at me and asked, "Is this your pop?" I replied "No, this is my boyfriend, but we get that a lot." She paused, pointed at the case of Coke in the cart and said again, "Is this your pop?" FML

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6542

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By hickhick

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

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1248

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

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10318

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#560022 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:16

YDI for having shitty hair

By oldskoolman85 | 0

#560034 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:18

Who cares?

COMMENTS

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#560022 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:16

YDI for having shitty hair

redbluegreen | 40

#560051 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:22

Agreed.

LaytonexLuke | 0

#560258 - Sunday 13 September 2009 12:00

Seconded.
There must have been something seriously wrong with it for the hairdresser to make that assumption.

--------
VLOG WIN: http://www.youtube.com/user/CynicalDyke

log1k | 3

#560768 - Sunday 13 September 2009 17:26

This isn't even a FML. Oh noes! your hair doesn't look nice! It's the end of the world!... wow.. how the hell did this get posted on FML..

the_stereotype | 0

#560837 - Sunday 13 September 2009 17:57

it doesn't mean she had shitty hair. some people in salons can be just obnoxious, and they will just spit out their opinion. it's just ridiculous

THEsuperMANLYman | 10

#4329794 - Friday 20 April 2012 6:13

Do u have shitty hair?

By teffyweffy | 6

#560023 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:16

hahahahaha wow

By jackkerouc9 | 0

#560025 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:16

The classic did you loss a fight with a lawnmover hair. FYL

By KnotSlipKnoTSiC | 0

#560030 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:17

YDI for calling this an FML

davidomke | 0

#562097 - Monday 14 September 2009 6:22

i love you

By Kickens07 | 0

#560031 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:18

email me, faker_15live.com!!!

By oldskoolman85 | 0

#560034 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:18

Who cares?

By cr4ckb0n3f4n | 0

#560055 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:23

don't worry, barbers tell me that all the time.

By danxaspires | 0

#560060 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:26

AHAHA! xD that's so classic. i hope you let them fix it.

and #4? win.

By blackcatcutie | 0

#560086 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:34

wow....people shouldn't assume....that's just plain out RUDE :(

By BadOwner | 0

#560091 - Sunday 13 September 2009 9:35

Today, I made an effort to get out of my 1 bedroom apartment and make some money for my five kids and laid off wife. Salon was empty untill a lady and her daughter came. I told her "we can fix this!" to my family. She cussed me out. I am being evicted tommorow. FML

mejiiaa | 0

#2647160 - Thursday 9 June 2011 9:25

lol