Today, a friend of mine told me, after coming over to my house for years, that she has tiny "bugs" that are attached to her and follow her wherever she goes. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had a walk-in: a tiny tick, crawling through my bathroom window, looking down at me in the shower, wondering whether I might be tasty. The window was closed, by the way. FML
Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML
Today, my granny had the phone on loudspeaker, talking to a friend. When the conversation turned from the price of potatoes to ticks in hard-to-reach places, I fleed into the garden. First thing granny tells me once I’m back: The details of how that tick was all the way up in her friend’s husband’s crotch. FML
Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML
Today, I've lived in my apartment for over 5 years with no bugs, as I'm phobic of them. I broke up with my ex, who smirked at me and declared war. I now have thousands of roaches that I can't get rid of. Coincidence? FML
Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML
Today, at work, a lady came in to have her glasses fixed. When she opened her case, an earwig crawled out. Instead of trying to kill it, she just left it and watched as it crawled over my desk and behind my computer. I later found the earwig in my hair. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, my roommate informed me that one of her scorpions is loose in our apartment again. Great. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 30
Does she mean insects or listening devices? The latter is more batshit crazy and interesting, and the former sounds like you're just plain dirty.
Marcella1016 31
Yes hopefully the latter. She may be just a little crazy and harmless. If it’s the former...she could also be crazy and they’re imaginary. And she’s also harmless. Or if she has literal bugs crawling all over her (following her??) and you never noticed anything in three years...I guess meaning they’re harmless. Or your house is already “bugged” and you didn’t notice the extras. Orrrr she’s crazy and not harmless. And you should run before she decides you’re out to get her too and she tries to do something about it. Seriously, maybe find a way to suggest she talk to a professional. I know a paranoid delusional person and the meds definitely help her. She remains harmless.
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 30
Does she mean insects or listening devices? The latter is more batshit crazy and interesting, and the former sounds like you're just plain dirty.
Marcella1016 31
Yes hopefully the latter. She may be just a little crazy and harmless. If it’s the former...she could also be crazy and they’re imaginary. And she’s also harmless. Or if she has literal bugs crawling all over her (following her??) and you never noticed anything in three years...I guess meaning they’re harmless. Or your house is already “bugged” and you didn’t notice the extras. Orrrr she’s crazy and not harmless. And you should run before she decides you’re out to get her too and she tries to do something about it. Seriously, maybe find a way to suggest she talk to a professional. I know a paranoid delusional person and the meds definitely help her. She remains harmless.
RichardPencil 30
Why do some stories get lots of comments and others barely any? Someone put themselves out there to get your sympathy, advice or humiliating taunts. C'mon, people, let's pretend we give a shit!
Marcella1016 31
Come on we don’t want to add shit to his bug problem. That would just make it worse.
Marcella1016 31
Hmm my comments tend to be replies; rarely ever plain new comments. I guess I’m a follower and not a leader. FML.
power_in_the_now 19
Richard, I think this one just plainly doesn’t make much sense
RichardPencil 30
You're right and that's where the FML community needs to come to the rescue. Now is the time to fill in the blanks and make outlandish assumptions to save the day!
genuinegoodguy 9
You have some strange friends
Gina Marie Lombardi 14
Omg I hope she was joking, pray it’s not bedbugs
BurnInDemonFire 35
If she starts singing Jazz numbers, gambling a lot, and wearing a burlap sack, she's a real-life Oogie Boogie.