Love: Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic... - FML

27/10/2014 18:48 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 268

Taking stock

Broken heart

Sticky situation

19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 4 409

07/10/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 803

You deserved it 3 947

30/05/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 686

You deserved it 2 659

17/02/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 352

You deserved it 5 883

18/08/2009 16:34 - Mauritius

Spicy

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 503

You deserved it 66 981

Whine whine whine

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 15:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, it snowed. Rather than enjoy the view, my roommate had to complain every five minutes about the mentally challenged neighbor shovelling snow all day long. As long as he doesn't shovel it into my yard, I really don't care what he does to pass the time in lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 63

02/07/2015 03:10 - United States - Edmond

Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 644

You deserved it 2 429

Reverse psychology

By Marie - 11/06/2020 17:12

Today, while trying to get my picky daughter to eat her dinner, I pretended to take some of her food and give it to her brother, thinking that would get her to eat it. Instead, she thanked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 720

14/11/2010 00:45 - Germany

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 5 065

30/10/2012 23:42 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 2 415

11/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I told a customer at the drive-thru I couldn't hear him as he had his music blaring too loud. The customer then drove to the window and verbally abused me for listening to my iPod at work. My "iPod" is the headset we use to take orders at the drive-thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 087

You deserved it 2 494

21/02/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, a drunk man opened the unlocked door to my house thinking it was his house. He tried to attack me because he thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 556

You deserved it 7 624

18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 123

You deserved it 7 798

07/04/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 788

You deserved it 53 528

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By Jason McGinnis - 22/09/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 178

24/12/2015 04:32 - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 1 949

26/11/2014 21:01 - United States - Morrisville

Today, I went to get myself a latte to make myself feel better after having a bad day. As soon as I sat down to enjoy it, I spilled it all over myself, another customer, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 490

You deserved it 3 298

03/12/2015 05:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at a fast food restaurant, I wanted to wash my hands. The restrooms were locked, so a cashier got the key and opened the men's restroom. This would have been fine if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 165

You deserved it 2 110

11/05/2011 14:33 - United States

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 233

You deserved it 16 278

14/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 533

You deserved it 44 473

19/08/2017 13:00

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that "All Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same". My name is Christopher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 717

You deserved it 232

20/11/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, everyone at work was demanding I stage a party at my house. I agreed to it and rushed home to tidy up before the guests arrived. No one showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 424

You deserved it 3 834

19/10/2012 21:44 - France - Vaulx-milieu

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 426

You deserved it 39 221

28/12/2018 16:00

Today, my violent geriatric patient was trying to escape the facility. When I intervened, she poked my belly then told me I was squishy and that I might explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 257

12/05/2012 04:24 - United States - Humble

Spicy

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 489

You deserved it 64 454

22/10/2010 20:37 - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 654

You deserved it 40 977

31/01/2015 04:04 - United States - Dublin

Spicy

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 462

You deserved it 6 532

22/12/2015 05:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 733

You deserved it 1 958

18/10/2009 11:29 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 881

You deserved it 3 530

NParents represent!

By Familyvisits - 31/08/2021 08:01 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my parents have been whining about me spending a weekend there, so I did. I have severe IBS and sent them the list of foods I can eat 2 weeks ago when I told them I was coming. They had no food in the house that I could eat without getting sick, and got offended when I didn’t eat or tried to buy my own food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 86

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 14:00

Today, I went to mediation with 5 managers and a coworker I do not get along with. Everyone in the room was at least 20 years younger than me, and the entire meeting was them telling me to drag myself into the present century and basically do whatever the younger, "smarter" people say, or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 318

26/01/2013 17:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 247

You deserved it 47 205

Help!

By Krissy - 01/04/2021 19:59

Today, at work on the front desk at a dental office, there was a massive system glitch. I'm now currently recreating appointments for around 300 patients, on top of checking out the patients that are currently in today from their appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 52

04/09/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 841

You deserved it 3 286

13/03/2014 09:33 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 496

You deserved it 7 487

05/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Huntington

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 833

You deserved it 4 182

07/06/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 404

You deserved it 1 067

11/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 978

You deserved it 5 710

OK Mrs Miyagi

By poor kid - 17/08/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, I had to ban a mom from practice, which sadly meant the kid had to leave too. Several times the mom had been loud, disruptive and even rushed onto the mat because I wasn’t teaching her son the "right way". I’m a third degree black belt and I teach 5-6 year olds on my days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 65

06/09/2014 13:35 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 161

You deserved it 3 263

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Top comments

feven 32

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

It's a sign.

azelk 8

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

Forget about your life, F that horses life!

Comments

feven 32

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

It's a sign.

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:40

It's horseshit is what it is.

Soviet_American 29

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:08

That's FOAL of crap, sorry to hear OP.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:46

What a coltastrophe!

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 1:15

Maybe it's not a sign. My god OP, how much do you weigh?!

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 3:06

52 - It was a horse drawn CARRIAGE ride. Not horse-back riding.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 3:40

Probably as much as your horse teeth do. Jerk.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 3:42

Probably as much as your horse teeth do. Jerk.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:41

This horse is no more! It has ceased to be!...

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 5:49

#85 We kind of established that already.

DBKT 25

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:35

I love the parrot sketch :)

SauronsCataract 15

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 9:55

Here in Poland, in the mountains, horses die quite regularly because they are forced to draw carriages overloaded with tourists. So yes, it is possible to kill a horse if the carriage is too heavy.

subduedbeast 14

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:26

Well I weigh about 206 and she only weighs about 130 so I don't think we were too heavy

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:54

#85, I got the Monty Python reference.

CoolCookie210 22

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Thursday 30 October 2014 4:01

Not saying you should take this as a bad omen or anything, but you should take this as a bad omen.

ahippienamedrae 10

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

Aww that sucks, for you guys and the horse ):

sayyestothedress 24

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:44

That took me by surprise! When u was reading I thought it would be like a horse shat on his girlfriend or something similar, but I did not expect them to die! This needs a follow-up!

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 1:53

#42 You need a grammar lesson.

littlekellilee 45

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 2:41

What would the follow up be? Funeral details for the horse?

whos_ur_daddy1 19

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 5:29

Hopefully the relationship is more stable then the horse

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 21:08

I LOVE your icon pic!

abdullahcakeman 13

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

Horses sometimes pleasure me sexually

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:28

^ ignorant or stupid pick one Edit : do I detect a moderator ?

abdullahcakeman 13

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:29

@9 lel

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

Time to stable this date.

Seabiscuit218 12

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:39

HAY man, this was a BARN enough pun to make me say NEIGH never again

Sophosaurusrex 9

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:57

Alright #22, Don't flog a dead horse, ya failed dude.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:41

Hay 30 don't ride sea biscuit so hard. Foal attitudes never prevail. Edit oh damn his username is sea biscuit . I literally chuckled out loud.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 7:10

Lol... Punny.

Seabiscuit218 12

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 19:44

I'm ashamed of what I've done but the replies were great xD

azelk 8

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

Forget about your life, F that horses life!

abdullahcakeman 13

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:33

I fuck dead horses

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:36

#18 ...Uhh... I'm sorta scared...

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 0:06

Or lack there of

thatoneninjadude 14

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:41

Life's a bitch and then a horse dies.

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:27

I hope you guys still had fun up until that moment! Sorry about the whole situation.

negb 30

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:00

Hey at least it's an interesting date...?

subduedbeast 14

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 18:27

It did make a cool story

ArgentumAurum 24

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:28

That is definitely not how i expected that sentence to end....

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 2:27

I was expecting it to end with a romantic horse BBQ.

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:39

64: What is wrong with you?!

laden_swallow09 34

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 4:51

He's hungry is what's wrong!

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Tuesday 28 October 2014 6:01

83 horse is actually a delicacy in many countries. I an not beyond the idea of trying it once just to see how it tastes. In this situation I would pass though

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:28

How romantic

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:29

How long will it take for someone to use 'beating a dead horse' puns?

friendzonefml 11

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Monday 27 October 2014 23:29

your love was just to strong

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 119

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136