Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not...

By facepalm - 12/9/2011 08:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Compassion

F*** my overweight life

Hello everyone!

By shorty - 21/4/2014 04:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

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By a tad whipped - 28/4/2013 20:44 - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 04:39 - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

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By Dexter_39476 - 24/1/2016 05:40 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "the virgin cave". FML

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By Bob - 11/4/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

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By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

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By candymansvan17 - 17/8/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 23:42 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

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By Ropebunnbon - 15/8/2018 13:00

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

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By driving me crazy - 26/5/2017 16:00

Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML

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By snoozer - 23/3/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

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By - 8/2/2020 05:00

Teenage narcs

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

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By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/8/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

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By phone-less - 17/12/2015 02:47 - United States - East Peoria

Today, I was at an amusement park with friends. We wanted to get a picture of all four of us, so we asked a nice-looking man to take it for us on my brand-new iPhone 6s. He took something. Unfortunately, it wasn't a picture. FML

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By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/6/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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By Nothing Special - 23/12/2015 06:54 - United States - Hixson

Today, it's been a week since I flew down to stay with my long distance boyfriend. We went on long walks on the shore, under the stars, and had an unforgettable picnic viewing the sunset. I just now received a message of screenshots displaying him attempting to hook up with another girl. FML

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By LonelyGuy - 15/12/2014 11:59 - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

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By notsexy - 28/7/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

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By what did I do? - 25/10/2013 11:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

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By SucksToBeMe - 28/9/2009 18:31 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

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By ev_lyn_aw - 17/5/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

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By Ammile - 25/12/2018 04:00

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2012 08:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

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By Satan'sChildren - 28/4/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 05:32 - United States

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

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By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

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By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

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By iamshrimpy - 8/1/2010 06:24 - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 15:30

Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML

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By eewww - 6/5/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I took a 40 minute bus ride home from work. The first 20 minutes were spent listening to the drunk man behind me moan uncontrollably and belch. The last 20 minutes were spent trying to ignore the vomit he left on my back as he got up to leave. FML

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By dacara6415 - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Apocalypse Now

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

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By Heavy D - 6/9/2012 13:45 - United States

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

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By Nobody - 10/10/2009 12:07 - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

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By datingamoron - 14/2/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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By Hmmmm - 20/9/2012 14:58 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

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By W T F - 3/6/2015 07:22 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

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By Nick - 6/8/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

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By Anonynonynon - 13/2/2015 19:05 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

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By Austin - 12/2/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

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Top comments

By Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3277349 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:02

Did you storm out of the room?

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3277365 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:04

But...but...but... they both swirl.

COMMENTS

By my_usagi | 0

#3277313 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:58

I had a similar conversation with my cousin once lol

opendoorclosed | 8

#3277375 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:06

Trust me, you're better off with him not talking to you... For your IQ's sake.

slushpup9696 | 12

#3277386 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:07

Are you talking to OP or 1???

fakeaccountX | 6

#3277390 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:08

Sounds like he's as stubborn as a mule.

nixter5 | 18

#3277394 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:08

Pshh. What're ya talking about OP?!? Hurricanes are giant tornadoes...like, EVERYONE knows THAT.

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3277432 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:17

Right, because Hurricane Irene is really a fricken tornado.

shannonreneee | 11

#3277552 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:42

Fact is they both can have devastating effects. Shows how psycho mother nature can be.

CTRL_ALT_DEFEAT | 0

#3277595 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:52

I bet she's in a whirlwind of emotions.

Bad1z | 13

#3277604 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:53

i had the same conversation with my friends when i was like 9, i couldn't convince them through

rexgar2000 | 10

#3277798 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:26

no they are not.

Houseofpleasure | 0

#3278746 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:31

Lol me too

PhillyEagles | 0

#3280825 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 3:52

Does your boyfriend perhaps have mental disabilities. I've thought tornadoes and hurricanes were the same before it went mainstream.

LaLince | 40

#5208635 - Monday 3 December 2012 4:59

#15: I totally agree

charcharthunder | 18

#6100084 - Saturday 25 October 2014 22:59

...it's not?

By CountJugular | 3

#3277319 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:58

Move to oklahoma, then to california... He will then not be as much of an idiot

sweetchef420 | 0

#3277567 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:45

Hurricanes don't really hit Cali... Maybe try more like Florida!;)

Lanceeden | 12

#3277765 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:09

Yeah actually hurricanes sort of never hit California. lol. I lived in Florida before and looked forward to the summer for the hurricanes. Wind surfing on skateboards ftw!

usmcUSA | 0

#3278742 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:30

I think he meant move to Oklahoma and see an actual tornado then move to Cali with all the other idiots so he would fit in!

NirvashType0Spec | 7

#3278979 - Monday 12 September 2011 22:41

Hey hey hey stop it 106
Im from cali and not an idiot
Get serious

ZebulonPike | 8

#3279647 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 0:18

The California idiot to regular person ratio is no different than any other state. It's just more noticeable because of the large population.

By chris274 | 8

#3277320 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

He's an idiot...

al09cool | 3

#3283222 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 16:39

Ouch ur photo hurts me

sayyestothedress | 24

#5948168 - Saturday 17 May 2014 16:09

I love your photo!

By shutupYDI | 4

#3277322 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

date someone smarter.

By sasha_kay | 4

#3277324 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

Your fault for dating an idiot I guess.

spez8 | 0

#3277362 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:04

I'm liking hurricane Sasha!

spez8 | 0

#3277377 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:06

You are one stunning individual!

sasha_kay | 4

#3277405 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:11

Damn it, tried to reply to someone's reply and their posts disappeared

tsume24 | 3

#3277713 - Monday 12 September 2011 17:37

that's because admins like to remove every comment they dislike even a little bit. -.-

sasha_kay | 4

#3277761 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:03

Some guy was hitting on me

tsume24 | 3

#3278106 - Monday 12 September 2011 19:51

it happens

ColoradoS | 2

#3278681 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:12

Agreed haha

By Steven696 | 6

#3277328 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

That's a clever man you've got there.

By CountJugular | 3

#3277331 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:00

Stupid phone, not cali... Texas

By yumsugarr | 8

#3277337 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:01

Whatever works for him .

MagicallyFat | 12

#3277593 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:51

He's obv a keeper

By upwardSpiral | 4

#3277341 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:01

nice man you got there.....

By Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3277349 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:02

Did you storm out of the room?

brianod | 0

#3277397 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:09

i see what you did there

Splayd | 10

#3449258 - Tuesday 18 October 2011 9:04

Her ears were surely hurting because of his thundering in disagreement.

gman90210 | 18

#5022189 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:57

Did she storm out like a hurricane or tornado?

sayyestothedress | 24

#5948169 - Saturday 17 May 2014 16:12

Don't try #163