Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not...

By facepalm - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Toxic parents

Do as I say, not as I do

By Starving Ultimatum - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

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By uniannonymous - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, my fiancé told me he wished he never met me and that he wished I didn't exist. Our wedding is next week. FML

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55041

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By theskippster - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19976

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By the only sober one - United States - San Diego

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

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By scoold - United States - Dover

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

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31629

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By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

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44604

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By Foreveralone - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

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26910

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By NotASportsGuy - United States - Long Island City

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

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24538

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By Michelle - Netherlands

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

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33901

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3456

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By melons - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

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48975

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By James - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

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31407

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By offuckingcourse - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

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59530

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By Kitty_Gem - United States

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

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60090

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

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45631

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

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33339

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By thathurt500x - 26/6/2020 20:08

You rang?

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

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1778

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By Anonymous - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

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65584

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By FMLTIMESTWO - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

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13524

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39000

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By sicksicksick - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

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56511

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By zuzu

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

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1625

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By Anonymous

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

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6286

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By PissedAtLife - United States

Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML

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31305

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By StrandedWhale - United Kingdom

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73658

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By brizzle - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

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87291

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I stretched really hard when I woke up, only to feel something twang. This was followed by a really sharp pain. Thinking I'd given myself a hernia, I got up to check myself in the mirror, and was repulsed by the bulge I saw hanging out of my gut. Then I realised it was just my own flab. FML

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11034

You deserved it

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By sleeping on the floor - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29557

You deserved it

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By shithole - United States

Today, my dad and I found in my house a water filter that has not been changed in over 20 years. We have been drinking that water that has been going through a filter that had more colors than a rainbow on it. FML

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28009

You deserved it

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By Kayla

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2332

You deserved it

497

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 03:02 - Mexico - Mexico

Backwards world

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1304

You deserved it

243

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By Anonymous - United States - Poquoson

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

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45298

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

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82341

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By uggg - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35528

You deserved it

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By see you next cunt - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59813

You deserved it

5102

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By coloneltushfinger

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

322

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Caught

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43439

You deserved it

3393

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By Miffy - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2541

You deserved it

825

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By Dammit Brain - 22/10/2020 20:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Bad date

Today, I went on a lunch date with a guy I used to work with. When the conversation got dry, I asked him if he went by “Chris” or “Christopher” these days. His name is Daniel. My brain knew my mistake as I said it. Just when I thought the silence couldn’t get more awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

637

You deserved it

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By ThisPerson - Canada

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32179

You deserved it

6653

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By shadow - United States - Osceola

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

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5770

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Top comments

By Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3277349 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:02

Did you storm out of the room?

By iAmScrubs | 19

#3277365 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:04

But...but...but... they both swirl.

COMMENTS

By my_usagi | 0

#3277313 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:58

I had a similar conversation with my cousin once lol

opendoorclosed | 8

#3277375 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:06

Trust me, you're better off with him not talking to you... For your IQ's sake.

slushpup9696 | 12

#3277386 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:07

Are you talking to OP or 1???

fakeaccountX | 6

#3277390 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:08

Sounds like he's as stubborn as a mule.

nixter5 | 18

#3277394 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:08

Pshh. What're ya talking about OP?!? Hurricanes are giant tornadoes...like, EVERYONE knows THAT.

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3277432 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:17

Right, because Hurricane Irene is really a fricken tornado.

shannonreneee | 11

#3277552 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:42

Fact is they both can have devastating effects. Shows how psycho mother nature can be.

CTRL_ALT_DEFEAT | 0

#3277595 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:52

I bet she's in a whirlwind of emotions.

Bad1z | 13

#3277604 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:53

i had the same conversation with my friends when i was like 9, i couldn't convince them through

rexgar2000 | 10

#3277798 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:26

no they are not.

Houseofpleasure | 0

#3278746 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:31

Lol me too

PhillyEagles | 0

#3280825 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 3:52

Does your boyfriend perhaps have mental disabilities. I've thought tornadoes and hurricanes were the same before it went mainstream.

LaLince | 40

#5208635 - Monday 3 December 2012 4:59

#15: I totally agree

charcharthunder | 18

#6100084 - Saturday 25 October 2014 22:59

...it's not?

By CountJugular | 3

#3277319 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:58

Move to oklahoma, then to california... He will then not be as much of an idiot

sweetchef420 | 0

#3277567 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:45

Hurricanes don't really hit Cali... Maybe try more like Florida!;)

Lanceeden | 12

#3277765 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:09

Yeah actually hurricanes sort of never hit California. lol. I lived in Florida before and looked forward to the summer for the hurricanes. Wind surfing on skateboards ftw!

usmcUSA | 0

#3278742 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:30

I think he meant move to Oklahoma and see an actual tornado then move to Cali with all the other idiots so he would fit in!

NirvashType0Spec | 7

#3278979 - Monday 12 September 2011 22:41

Hey hey hey stop it 106
Im from cali and not an idiot
Get serious

ZebulonPike | 8

#3279647 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 0:18

The California idiot to regular person ratio is no different than any other state. It's just more noticeable because of the large population.

By chris274 | 8

#3277320 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

He's an idiot...

al09cool | 3

#3283222 - Tuesday 13 September 2011 16:39

Ouch ur photo hurts me

sayyestothedress | 24

#5948168 - Saturday 17 May 2014 16:09

I love your photo!

By shutupYDI | 4

#3277322 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

date someone smarter.

By sasha_kay | 4

#3277324 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

Your fault for dating an idiot I guess.

spez8 | 0

#3277362 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:04

I'm liking hurricane Sasha!

spez8 | 0

#3277377 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:06

You are one stunning individual!

sasha_kay | 4

#3277405 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:11

Damn it, tried to reply to someone's reply and their posts disappeared

tsume24 | 3

#3277713 - Monday 12 September 2011 17:37

that's because admins like to remove every comment they dislike even a little bit. -.-

sasha_kay | 4

#3277761 - Monday 12 September 2011 18:03

Some guy was hitting on me

tsume24 | 3

#3278106 - Monday 12 September 2011 19:51

it happens

ColoradoS | 2

#3278681 - Monday 12 September 2011 21:12

Agreed haha

By Steven696 | 6

#3277328 - Monday 12 September 2011 15:59

That's a clever man you've got there.

By CountJugular | 3

#3277331 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:00

Stupid phone, not cali... Texas

By yumsugarr | 8

#3277337 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:01

Whatever works for him .

MagicallyFat | 12

#3277593 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:51

He's obv a keeper

By upwardSpiral | 4

#3277341 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:01

nice man you got there.....

By Fruit_Dealer | 9

#3277349 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:02

Did you storm out of the room?

brianod | 0

#3277397 - Monday 12 September 2011 16:09

i see what you did there

Splayd | 10

#3449258 - Tuesday 18 October 2011 9:04

Her ears were surely hurting because of his thundering in disagreement.

gman90210 | 18

#5022189 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:57

Did she storm out like a hurricane or tornado?

sayyestothedress | 24

#5948169 - Saturday 17 May 2014 16:12

Don't try #163