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By the fish - 30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 1 345

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 20:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 186

Think before you speak

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 14:00

Today, I learned I'm one of the biggest contributors to my sister's severe body issues and eating disorder. Apparently, my constantly making jokes about her having a giant butt wasn't just harmless teasing after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 2 404

Give us a hand

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 04:00

Today, I'm solely responsible for my kids, entirely, while my husband goes to the gym, his office, goes running, and plays with his buddies. He wanted kids; I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 415

Unreasonable

By ImConfused - 29/05/2023 00:02

Spicy

Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 311

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 07/04/2019 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 284

Let people believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 16:58

Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 844

Oh, hai Mark!

By Erika - 05/05/2019 14:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend on campus. Upset, I decided to go to McDonald's to eat my painful memories away. While in the drive-thru line, I realized my ex was right in front of me. It looked like I'd followed him all the way from campus. He thinks I'm a stalker now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 462

Fairy tale

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my whole office is treating me like a pariah because I rejected the new guy who has autism. I have a history of being domestically abused so why should I date a guy who, by his own admission, loses his temper easily and attacks people? That’s right, I shouldn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 120

That's… sexy

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 08:01 - Mexico - Iztacalco

Spicy

Today, my wife threw up in the middle of sex, then fell asleep right after. I didn't even finish and it'd been over a month since the last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 337

By GamingWolfy5 - 27/06/2019 06:36

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 2 959

Suspicious activity

By should I be worried? - 22/05/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who got married at 19 and divorced at 30, told me how much she regretted wasting all her “hot years” being a good and faithful wife to her ex. Oh and that she never got a “hoe-phase” in college like her friends. I think she’s fishing for my permission to cheat. I’m confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 190

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 20:01

Today, I had to choose between being in excruciating pain and having a happy significant other by doing housework, or resting my sprained ankle and having my significant other pissed off at me because she thinks I’m milking it. She went to bed two hours ago and I can barely move it. Guess which I chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 10/06/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 201

Infectious laugh

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 14:05

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 154

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 04:00

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend why my new package of condoms was open. When she failed to change the subject, she responded with, “This is why you’re a depressive crybaby who’ll die alone!” The fight ended with me proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 3 254

Town planning

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 10:00

Today, my boss explicitly told me to demolish a half-built house that was 50 feet too far from where it should have been and was actually on someone else’s land. I knocked it down, then it turned out to be the wrong one, and my boss threw me under the bus and swore he’d told me to demolish the other house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 119

By machina - 16/07/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 166

Barfed out

By superbubbles - 23/03/2021 21:30 - Canada

Today, I threw up in bio when we dissected cow hearts. Guess that rules out my childhood passion as a possible career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 149

By Bianka05 - 19/07/2017 20:00

Today, after being on vacation for a week, my alarm sounded early in the morning. It scared me so badly I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 978

Just like starting over

By Folding money - 12/09/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I was at Aldi when I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I tried to convince the cashier to let me pay with an IOU, but they just gave me a skeptical look and said, "This isn't the 1880s, dude." I had to leave my cart of groceries and walk out empty-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 1 585

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

By Loser - 11/08/2017 20:00 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 3 424

You better watch out…

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 12:00

Today, a boy asked me out, and I immediately learned just how much it stinks to have 4 overprotective rugby player older brothers, an overprotective marine corps dad, and an overprotective two-star general grandfather. As a bonus, mom is an overprotective police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 154

Who run the world? Cats!

By tease_ftx - 31/08/2017 13:00

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1 a.m. doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 447

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 1 446

The pervs win again

By Thanks for nothing, assholes. - 08/07/2022 01:59

Today, we received the answer to a report we filed against a calculus teacher from our high school, who was sexually harassing several girls from our group, most of them still underage. They won't sack him because he's a tenure teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 132

Sounds healthy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 161

Clumsy

By Manic Mushroom - 27/09/2019 08:25

Today, I tipped my head back to take my nighttime meds and my birth control fell straight up my nose like it was aiming for a hole-in-one to my brain. I got it out, but now I have a migraine, awful sinus pain, and can feel a nose bleed coming on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 430

Manic Mushroom tells us more.

Manic Mushroom 15

Thursday 26 September 2019 23:49

Oh damn, my first submission got published!! 😂 As for putting them in my mouth and then taking a drink, first of all I take a good half a dozen pills at night and would still have to tip back to get them in my mouth. Second, I have fibro so my meds are restricted and coated with a bitterant to deter people taking them accidently. The taste is enough to make me gag, so I have to take a drink first so they don't touch my tongue. It actually took a day or so for the pain in my face to stop and my voice to not be raspy anymore, but I'm good now. I'm used to hurting so it don't really bother me all that much, I was just shocked at the new level of clumsy I had ascended to!

Burden

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 04:00

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 827

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The Top

The Top

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 997

You deserved it 21 772

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 4 082

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 243

You deserved it 38 311

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 222

You deserved it 17 641

Today, my 30 year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 446

You deserved it 313

Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 223