The Top

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A fool and his money are soon parted

By blondie - 20/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was scammed by con artists, using a business to send out fraudulent checks for a fake "stay at home" job. Now not only do I have to try job hunting again, I'm also $2,000 in the hole with my bank account. You scam artist losers need to get off your ass and get a real job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 1 044

Lingering

By Anonymous - 13/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 300

By PlaneGuy - 24/02/2017 22:00 - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 232

You deserved it 744

Mr Knowitall

By put your money where your milkmakers are - 28/02/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I got pissed after my boyfriend tried mansplaining breastfeeding to me. I’ve nursed two children of my own, stocked and sustained two big freezers full, and still had leftovers to donate to preemies. He tried saying pumping "doesn’t increase supply" and that I just “got lucky” making so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 177

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 00:00 - United States - Ona

Today, I got rejected by a girl I was talking to. We had mutual feelings, and I waited a long time for her to be single again. We talked, made out, and now she has gotten into another relationship, acting like she doesn't like me anymore… but still wants to be friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 204

By Uniforms - 29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 573

You deserved it 434

Family ties

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 18:00

Today, I worked up the courage to contact my daughter, who cut ties with me four years ago when I outed her girlfriend by accident, to see if she's still mad at me and if we could reconnect. She informed me that once I die, she plans to cremate me and flush my ashes down a McDonald's toilet. So… still mad, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 405

By hellphone_fml - 01/07/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 673

OK Doomer

By Fuck mankind already - 08/05/2022 04:00

Today, I realized just how we humans are dooming ourselves every day with the progressively insurmountable climate change, while people are being stupid arguing which is best, cold weather or hot weather. And that's just to name a few things to think humans ain't evolving any further at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 804

Mining for gold

By can’t do it - 21/08/2023 10:00 - United States

Today, I caught my fiancé picking his nose and eating it. I don’t want to break up over this but I just cannot for the life of me get that image out of my head. Every time he tries to kiss me, I visibly gag and turn my head away. He says I’m being unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 238

By Tyguy3000 - 19/06/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 3 033

Birthday blues

By Ungrateful Guy - 10/03/2021 08:01

Today, it's my birthday. With all the lockdowns and curfews, my inner introvert was looking forward to enjoying a delicious meal and a bottle or two of wine by myself. My friends had other plans, namely a surprise Zoom party. Nice thought, I'm grateful for my friends, but I hate using Zoom. It went on for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 282

A tad unfair

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 14:01

Today, my parents have made it very clear to me that if I fail one more assignment, they’re disowning me. I got a zero on a paper that I poured my heart and soul into, and in the notes, the teacher wrote, “I don’t even need to read this paper to know that it is bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 168

More more more

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 22:00

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 282

Dedicated to changing the climate

By Dolly - 21/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out my new boyfriend owns, and regularly drives, a forty year-old, smog-spewing sports car. I asked him if he'd ever consider upgrading to electric for the sake of the environment. He said that we wouldn't work out, and that I should leave and lose his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 780

A bug, not a feature

By is. - 08/04/2021 00:30

Today, I discovered that it is not, in fact, normal for ones hands to randomly stop working sometimes. I thought I was just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 113

Stay safe, everyone

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 05:00

Today, I found out that one of my workmates had passed away due to Covid-19. He was among five other workmates who were calling me a "pussy" for going back and forth to work in car, instead of public transport. These five guys were eventually infected by someone in the public transport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 188

By missingno007 - 28/08/2017 13:00 - United States - Clarkesville

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 369

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 13:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 175

Corporate frown

By Vicky - 13/11/2023 20:00

Today, I thought it would be cool to make a TikTok dance routine while at work. Today is also the day the District Manager chose the perfect ass fucking day to pay my unit a visit. I was fired. Christmas is now ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 662

Is there that much demand for that sort of thing?

By Paper Plane in the Night Sky - 16/11/2023 00:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my overly jealous insecure brother "found" my ATM receipt, and called me out during a family luncheon, accusing me for being a drug dealer because, "How else could someone who is unemployed even before the pandemic could have almost 7 digits?" I couldn't answer them. Secretly, I'm a furry hentai artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 247

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 06:00

Today, my 70 year-old mother complained about the patio window being dirty. I asked her why she couldn't clean it, or anything else in the house for that matter. I was informed she can't clean windows because she's not left handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 227

Gross

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 21:59 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 142

Consent

By Anonymous - 10/01/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 209

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 20:00

Today, when my boyfriend got home, I told him about how I’d had the worst day with our baby. Without blinking, he told me to say the word and he’d drive to a different city and anonymously surrender our son to a fire station and all our suffering would be over. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 446

Completely wet

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 20:00

Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 2 091

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 172

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 2 865

Afterthought

By Anonymous - 31/03/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 220

The Marlboro Man

By Victoria - 19/10/2022 18:00

Today, I'm trying to quit smoking because I'm actually running low on money. I just realized that I'm actually spending a lot more money and gaining more weight by eating junk food to relieve my anxiety than what I used to spend buying packs of cigarettes. I can't afford a psychologist, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 260

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The Top

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 906

You deserved it 975

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 457

You deserved it 3 829

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 780

You deserved it 7 178

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 798

You deserved it 7 146

Today, my mother started fostering a child to make some money. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she didn't make me babysit the kid and take him to and from school every day because she's "too busy". I work full-time and she's unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 285

You deserved it 511

Today, my son's plan is to become an entrepreneur, even though this requires having a brilliant idea worth money. This is the same guy who got fired from Subway for deliberately dropping bread on the floor so he could steal it from the bin later. I'm gonna kick him in the asscrack before the month is over, I know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 177