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WTF?

By Raspution - 16/06/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 176

Not safe for work

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 00:02

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for when they arrive tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 2 367

No exit! No choice!

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 283

You deserved it 307

Mom has an interesting past it seems…

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 21:30 - United States

Today, I was informed by my mother that my extremely long pinky fingernail could probably get me mistaken for a coke addict. My fingernails grow uncontrollably fast, and my pinky nail is completely natural. It just happens to grow much longer than the others. Imagine explaining that to a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 342

Betrayal

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 08:01

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sexting my friend for about a month. I've already paid for our wedding, which was supposed to be next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 133

Oversharing

By Anonymous - 13/03/2020 12:30

Today, my 10-year-old son told me that sometimes he wishes that he could be a girl, so that he could masturbate more easily in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 274

By Anonymous - 30/03/2018 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I experienced the old joke about recognising women by their shoes sticking out of the driver and passenger windows. It was my mother's shoes in my mother's car, but the guy happily plowing her on top of the hand-brake was not my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 608

You deserved it 317

Need more details, please

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 00:01 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I fucked up a relationship, by accident, and then they broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 735

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 803

Suspicious Minds

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 16:01

Today, I finally found out why my wife always told me to never visit her at work. You see, my wife and I are dark haired with blue/brown eyes and our daughter is blonde with very striking emerald green eyes. You know who else is blonde with striking emerald eyes? My wife’s boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 127

Indifference

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 5 319

By Lostring - 02/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 156

You deserved it 1 001

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 1 831

Drunk confession time

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 18:01

Today, I'm cat sitting for some friends. Their whiskey selection is well curated and top notch. I grabbed a bottle that I thought was the cheapest, I ended getting drunk on a $500 bottle. I’m going to have to fill it with a lesser brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 2 036

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 213

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 26/08/2021 04:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 192

Well trained

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 16:00

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 309

By Lonely - 02/08/2018 15:00

Today, I sent a question to a newspaper self-help column about how I often feel ignored. I quickly received a note telling me to not feel ignored, but due to the volume of questions, I would likely not receive a response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 996

You deserved it 370

Noise annoys

By Mystic - 04/09/2021 08:01 - United States - Denver

Today, it’s the fifth day in a row that my mom has vacuumed right outside my room, from 5 to 11 AM. Despite this, I still can’t fall asleep before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 136

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 571

Thanks Sony!

By Disco Bedroom! - 20/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 446

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 389

I love that for you

By friboy2791 - 27/09/2021 17:01

Today, my long distance friend-with-benefits informed me she's now in a relationship with an amazing guy. I should be happier for her, as even I admit he is perfect for her. Too bad I just spent over a thousand dollars on plane tickets to visit her. The tickets are completely nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 954

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 23:01

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 445

That escalated quickly

By GoulashQueen - 08/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 527

Busted

By Don13 - 28/05/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my soon-to-be ex-wife had installed a Ring front door camera. The way I found out was when the PowerPoint presentation I was supposed to present at work started with the footage of me taking my girlfriend to the house when my wife wasn’t around. The next slide said, “Call your lawyer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 1 779

Petty quibble

By Time wasted - 19/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent forty minutes making pasta sauce when we had a perfectly good jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 1 042

Disrespectful Puppy

By FML Videos - 02/10/2018 18:30

So much sass from such a small dog!

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 99

Extreme late fees

By Martin - 08/09/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 378

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 1 285

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The Top

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 6 904

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 212

You deserved it 274 651

Random

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 3 686

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 717

You deserved it 2 122

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 842

You deserved it 3 954

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 135

You deserved it 3 551

Today, I scored the winning goal for a tournament. Too bad it was for the opposition team. If only looks could kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 830

Today, my coworker and I were written up after we dropped a glass table, which shattered and left us with big cuts on our hands and arms. We weren’t written up for breaking the piece, but because a nearby customer heard us both swear in pain and reported us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 475

You deserved it 334