By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Blue Christmas

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML
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By  Marcella1016  |  31

She may be severely depressed and need treatment.

Why does this make Christmas awkward? How long were you together? Do you have kids? Is there no way to avoid each other for Christmas?

Sorry OP and hope your wife gets some help.

By  Chazzster  |  20

OP, it’s not going to be easy. Even when you are the one to initiate a separation or divorce it’s not easy starting a new life without someone you had once loved. I know, I have been there. Sometimes in a relationship there comes a time when you have to accept that a relationship is not fixable and you have to take appropriate action to protect yourself from being pulled down with the failing relationship.

In general, if a marriage or relationship has the potential to be fixed I am in favor of trying to honestly address the issues. But if you have tried to address the issues without any improvement, or they are insurmountable then it’s time to pull the plug. Unless you take care of your own mental health you cannot take care of others.

COMMENTS
By  Marcella1016  |  31

She may be severely depressed and need treatment.

Why does this make Christmas awkward? How long were you together? Do you have kids? Is there no way to avoid each other for Christmas?

Sorry OP and hope your wife gets some help.

By  Yummi_913  |  15

I guess "in sickness and in health" meant nothing to you. I hope she gets the help she deserves for what is clearly a crippling and deep depression. At least she's lucky to be one step closer to being rid of the likes of you.

By  Chazzster  |  20

OP, it’s not going to be easy. Even when you are the one to initiate a separation or divorce it’s not easy starting a new life without someone you had once loved. I know, I have been there. Sometimes in a relationship there comes a time when you have to accept that a relationship is not fixable and you have to take appropriate action to protect yourself from being pulled down with the failing relationship.

In general, if a marriage or relationship has the potential to be fixed I am in favor of trying to honestly address the issues. But if you have tried to address the issues without any improvement, or they are insurmountable then it’s time to pull the plug. Unless you take care of your own mental health you cannot take care of others.

By  xxlk4xx  |  5

I'm going to agree with everyone else here that your wife is REALLY struggling with depression! my question is have you done everything you can to help her before pulling the plug? have you sat down with her and asked her if she'd like to get some help for it? it can be extremely hard to pull a loved one out of depression.

By  Isaac Shields  |  9

I agree it sounds like depression maybe you should try to find out what's going on before finalizing a divorce she made you happy once so it most likely was not always like this I understand the strain you're going through but you did sign up for this when you got married get her some help give her some time and most importantly try to understand what she's going through. if she refuses the help and communication then yes it might be a lost cause but if she accepts it and you stand by her through it I guarentee you she will love you more than ever and do whatever it takes to make you happy.

By  theyellowgoose  |  2

sounds selfish. did you really love her? doesn't seem like it! you promised in sickness AND in health. right now she's sick and you run. that's pretty crappy of you. she's better without you.

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Exactly. If you love someone, you love them when they're depressed. People are really down right now, suicide rates are crazy. I can't imagine abandoning my spouse because they are too sad to function right now. That's not what marriage is all about.