The Top

Hey guys! OP here. So happy this got published! And to clear this up, the fly felt like a bump, that's why I kept scratching. Love your comments though! Keep them coming!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 06:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I came back from college excited to see my parents and enjoy a nice home-cooked meal, but as I walked in the front door I was greeted by my parents having sex on the kitchen table. They didn't see me so I sneaked out and waited. I had to eat dinner at that table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 686

You deserved it 682

By Broken - 29/06/2018 19:00

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 570

You deserved it 357

By BritishDates - 22/08/2018 13:00

Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 389

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 400

You deserved it 6 735

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 128

You deserved it 11 064

Running late

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 23:01

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 246

By Nosexever? - 25/10/2018 13:30

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 205

You deserved it 269

By leena - 23/02/2016 00:55 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 620

You deserved it 1 425

Shop til you drop

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 08:00

Today, after getting home from shopping, I noticed a security tag was still on one of the shirts I bought. I decided to take it back and ask them to remove the tag. They then accused me of trying to steal (even after I showed them the receipt) and kicked me out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 187

You deserved it 594

By stickyandwet - 30/01/2017 16:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, 3 hours into a 7-hour flight, I only ate half the chocolate mousse that came with my meal and decided to give the rest to my boyfriend. While reaching for his tray, he mistook the action as me stealing his mousse. We spent the rest of the flight covered in sticky soft drink splatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 866

You deserved it 918

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 440

You deserved it 2 569

By Anonymous - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 657

You deserved it 337

Freaked out

By allergyface - 16/12/2009 03:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents when all of a sudden my dad started freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is that he was dead serious the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 2 485

By fionna_fiamma - 12/12/2015 13:33 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 523

You deserved it 1 646

By Babysitter Probs - 27/11/2016 05:58 - United States - Fresno

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 356

You deserved it 978

By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 105

You deserved it 3 428

By Dominique Richards - 20/02/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. When I woke up I found out they pulled the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 826

You deserved it 222

By fatass - 19/02/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 981

You deserved it 7 535

By krabby patty - 25/05/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 535

You deserved it 1 639

By Noname - 13/02/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to run. I ended up at the hospital because i went into anaphylactic shock. Apparently I'm allergic to exercise now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 293

You deserved it 3 687

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Awkward Growing old Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Cheating Parents Love Break-ups Weird Annoying Summer Kids Gross Smells Work Scams Money Weddings Bodyshaming Friends My ex Mysterious AITA Social Media Family Teenagers Capitalism Food

The Top

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 589

You deserved it 10 958

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 898

You deserved it 7 059

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 111

You deserved it 72 769

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 213

Today, I told my mom that having watched my sister ruin her life having kids who grew into brats with criminal records before their teens, I refused to ruin my life the same way and will be childless. I then turned to leave and they were in the doorway, my sister and her two brats. I got slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 414

Today, I found out three things: One, I was apparently diagnosed with Tourette's as a child. Two, my parents apparently told everyone about it, and had no idea that I didn't know about this. Three, that the diagnosis is possibly incorrect. I'm in for quite the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 85