Health: Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed... - FML

By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36875

You deserved it

6029

Tweet

Share

Sorry…

Some winners…

Yeah, fuck the poor

By killmenow - United States - New Orleans

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38747

You deserved it

14314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35700

You deserved it

3987

Tweet

Share

By boohoo - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was on a date with a very intelligent and handsome guy. I was so nervous that when he was telling me about his twin sister, I asked him if they were identical twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17515

You deserved it

20944

Tweet

Share

By mommy - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38184

You deserved it

3323

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10941

You deserved it

40936

Tweet

Share

By snazz23 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11986

You deserved it

1100

Tweet

Share

By Uglyshirts - South Africa

Today, I was the first one to wear the ugly corporate shirts we received. The people in my office-all of them guys were all saying that it looked a lot better than they thought it would. Later that day I went to the toilet and saw the shirt gapes open in front and you could see my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47691

You deserved it

18013

Tweet

Share

By Diffy - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31216

You deserved it

2152

Tweet

Share

By musik_ist_liebe - United States

Today, my 13 year old sister had to explain the bases to me. Turns out, I have skipped first and second base and gone straight to third, without even realizing it. What makes it worse is that she told my mother, and now my whole family thinks I'm a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18936

You deserved it

63682

Tweet

Share

By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12711

You deserved it

1480

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18237

You deserved it

51144

Tweet

Share

By tadam - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13457

You deserved it

74563

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, my son asked me if slavery was ever abolished. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46777

You deserved it

7372

Tweet

Share

By RyanTheMan15 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house watching a home makeover show with her and her mom. The show's host had a giant portrait of himself on his wall and then I said, "I hate it when people do that, it's so stupid." Her mom stared at me and pointed to the portrait of my girlfriend on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10513

You deserved it

30754

Tweet

Share

By mnote - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34238

You deserved it

2900

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1632

You deserved it

597

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks

54712

You deserved it

10641

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33753

You deserved it

5416

Tweet

Share

By Whyudodis - Canada - New Westminster

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12538

You deserved it

879

Tweet

Share

By bewitched and bothered - United States

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36388

You deserved it

2593

Tweet

Share

By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By hipthrustdude - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11394

You deserved it

54254

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17906

You deserved it

28693

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43260

You deserved it

3570

Tweet

Share

By spougeineye1 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9296

You deserved it

29795

Tweet

Share

By fml9124

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1665

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By jessel_ladd92 - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46542

You deserved it

5815

Tweet

Share

By coolhand - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14467

You deserved it

67253

Tweet

Share

By pey - 21/5/2020 14:00

Revelations

Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2346

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By tkoester - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25880

You deserved it

1551

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23735

You deserved it

12013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Business school of business school

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks

872

You deserved it

104

Tweet

Share

By Whatthehell

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6404

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By WTF - United States - Plainfield

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49159

You deserved it

4455

Tweet

Share

By ugh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31203

You deserved it

9162

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26785

You deserved it

64314

Tweet

Share

By that_culinary_degree_though - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41265

You deserved it

5118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35292

You deserved it

3089

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62371

You deserved it

9018

Tweet

Share

By Molly Lee - 16/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Stay safe

Today, after going to the ophthalmologist, I got some really cute glasses. When I got home, my dad saw them and told me that when he was in high school, they called girls with those glasses BC. When I asked what BC stood for, he said, "Birth control." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1035

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#22448 - Monday 9 March 2009 2:25

Sounds like you've already had enough care packages, dear.

By Seegtease | 0

#2940 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:09

Free stuff from mom, why are you complaining? Motive is irrelevant. Free stuff.

COMMENTS

By GhostOfPerdition | 0

#2910 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 7:26

i agree with dmh3000 [3]

By Seegtease | 0

#2940 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:09

Free stuff from mom, why are you complaining? Motive is irrelevant. Free stuff.

By mariasaur | 0

#3004 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 13:56

Moms think their kids are fat if the doctor says that youre even a pound overweight. It's how they are.

Reply

LilHitla | 15

#6193603 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:27

you can tell if they are fat/overweight/obese by looking at them. and you can tell if it's muscle or fat because muscle doesnt jiggle
when you walk either.

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#3133 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:10

WAAAH MY MOM SAYS I'M FAT WAAAAH WAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAH.

Get the fuck over it or lose some weight.

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#22448 - Monday 9 March 2009 2:25

Sounds like you've already had enough care packages, dear.

By 91Caleb | 0

#34231 - Monday 16 March 2009 7:02

you think you'd take the hint...

By textme | 0

#326135 - Sunday 21 June 2009 8:32

Sell it!!!!!

By Jandude | 9

#976065 - Thursday 8 April 2010 1:13

-Care package ready for delivery, mark the DZ.
*enemy care package incoming!

By zezjo | 3

#981456 - Sunday 18 April 2010 18:34

lol

By Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#1226519 - Thursday 12 August 2010 6:04

dammit, it's just ammo.