Health: Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed... - FML

By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36885

You deserved it

6032

Tweet

Share

Mother of the year

Serious times

Facts over feelings

By i guess - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42550

You deserved it

3580

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a gun under his pillow. This was only after my friends and I surprised him with his birthday cake while he was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35377

You deserved it

7022

Tweet

Share

By pissedoffexgirlfriend

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6753

You deserved it

560

Tweet

Share

By hitlerfish

Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5893

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By mommydearist - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33653

You deserved it

2879

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47405

You deserved it

8656

Tweet

Share

By santabelly

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9471

You deserved it

919

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31544

You deserved it

2965

Tweet

Share

By IDIOT - United States

Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39557

You deserved it

3257

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26969

You deserved it

1826

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30536

You deserved it

4955

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12971

You deserved it

58886

Tweet

Share

By imnotastranger

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52540

You deserved it

6909

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7924

You deserved it

5712

Tweet

Share

By wtf - United States

Today, my parents went to the Cayman Islands, leaving me at home in freezing Iowa. Also, even though I never get into trouble, they don't trust me enough to be home on my own. So they hired a babysitter to stay with me until they get back. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35138

You deserved it

4229

Tweet

Share

By MWT77 - United States - Chicago

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1787

You deserved it

81

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 20:02

Horsing around

Today, my horse, who has been nothing but gentle for 27 years, kicked me right in the knee on my last vacation day. It's so bad, I can hardly sleep or sit down on the toilet. Tomorrow I go back to work, which involves lots of walking, sitting down and getting back up, as well as lifting heavy stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1579

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By silvercity09 - Canada

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18960

You deserved it

63849

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42416

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By LoveLifeFail - 11/4/2021 14:01 - Canada

Love bites

Today, the man I love showed me the ring he's going to give to the woman that he loves. Who is someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By Black Cat 13 - United States

Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36034

You deserved it

3499

Tweet

Share

By I'm_Not_Interested - United States - Reno

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29038

You deserved it

2868

Tweet

Share

By yingyang2 - United States

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37082

You deserved it

4974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21268

You deserved it

1838

Tweet

Share

By mr_dinzaster

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

765

You deserved it

1739

Tweet

Share

By heresmybellybotton - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54806

You deserved it

3650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks

41635

You deserved it

4140

Tweet

Share

By facepalming all the way - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26587

You deserved it

2316

Tweet

Share

By apparentlyunattractive - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60893

You deserved it

7424

Tweet

Share

By guess I'm stuck - United States - Alamo

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73915

You deserved it

7707

Tweet

Share

By preggers - Canada

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33467

You deserved it

3916

Tweet

Share

By mehdi-online

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66646

You deserved it

17972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Good catch

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21516

You deserved it

90640

Tweet

Share

By The Rock's arse - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37085

You deserved it

7396

Tweet

Share

By JessicaandGhazi - 26/5/2020 20:00

Expanding universe

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those wont even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

324

Tweet

Share

By Squashed - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53033

You deserved it

22818

Tweet

Share

By Mrmz07 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14453

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1555

Tweet

Share

By Elmo - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73613

You deserved it

4072

Tweet

Share

By ERnightmare - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3041

You deserved it

4061

Tweet

Share

By Maddi - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a coffee date with a man I met online. His "friend" had tagged along. We were having a good conversation, until the friend pulls out his laptop and says, "So let me tell you a little bit about our travel business," and talked about a pyramid scheme for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15648

You deserved it

1355

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#22448 - Monday 9 March 2009 2:25

Sounds like you've already had enough care packages, dear.

By Seegtease | 0

#2940 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:09

Free stuff from mom, why are you complaining? Motive is irrelevant. Free stuff.

COMMENTS

By GhostOfPerdition | 0

#2910 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 7:26

i agree with dmh3000 [3]

By Seegtease | 0

#2940 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 10:09

Free stuff from mom, why are you complaining? Motive is irrelevant. Free stuff.

By mariasaur | 0

#3004 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 13:56

Moms think their kids are fat if the doctor says that youre even a pound overweight. It's how they are.

Reply

LilHitla | 15

#6193603 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:27

you can tell if they are fat/overweight/obese by looking at them. and you can tell if it's muscle or fat because muscle doesnt jiggle
when you walk either.

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#3133 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 0:10

WAAAH MY MOM SAYS I'M FAT WAAAAH WAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAH.

Get the fuck over it or lose some weight.

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#22448 - Monday 9 March 2009 2:25

Sounds like you've already had enough care packages, dear.

By 91Caleb | 0

#34231 - Monday 16 March 2009 7:02

you think you'd take the hint...

By textme | 0

#326135 - Sunday 21 June 2009 8:32

Sell it!!!!!

By Jandude | 9

#976065 - Thursday 8 April 2010 1:13

-Care package ready for delivery, mark the DZ.
*enemy care package incoming!

By zezjo | 3

#981456 - Sunday 18 April 2010 18:34

lol

By Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#1226519 - Thursday 12 August 2010 6:04

dammit, it's just ammo.