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By Dirtisgood - 24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my kid was going to end up paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 171

By Xandar - 09/11/2018 17:30

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 530

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 925

You deserved it 681

They're perfect for each other!

By yosmurf - 11/03/2017 18:00

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 664

You deserved it 569

By sugar baby24 - 28/06/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 6 563

Stingy

By Will - 23/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 3 308

By EuropeEst - 16/04/2014 07:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish the job. Welcome to Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 91

By Pimp Daddy - 30/04/2017 20:00

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 594

You deserved it 550

Cravings

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 455

You deserved it 354

By buggyluv - 30/06/2016 15:50 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 383

You deserved it 978

Sorry sweaty

By smellychick - 14/03/2018 19:00 - United States - Hesperia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 374

You deserved it 326

By Sloppy Cashmere - 09/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 901

You deserved it 1 450

Bored to death

By J Money - 03/09/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I'm being paid to watch paint dry. I work for military defense, and the door l just painted is an opening for a secure lab, so has to be monitored nonstop. This cannot happen until the paint dries. The U.S. government is literally paying me to watch paint dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 369

Bigmouth strikes again

By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during lunch, I said, "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on." One of the guys present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying, "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman." Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 647

You deserved it 10 240

By Unlucky - 19/10/2018 05:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, my parents installed an air freshener above the toilet. While I was standing to pee, it sprayed me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 924

You deserved it 347

By Inez333 - 03/04/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 552

You deserved it 178

By MaydayManic - 10/08/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 114

You deserved it 5 054

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 462

Long haul

By ripped off and blown out - 08/06/2017 00:00

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 771

You deserved it 503

By rosecolas - 12/11/2016 13:36 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 3 734

By Anonymous - 19/06/2017 14:41 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I found out that my divorced father is moving 3 houses down the street with his girlfriend, with whom he cheated on my mom. He will now be living 3 houses away from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 178

You deserved it 394

TheDword tells us more.

TheDword 9

Sunday 18 June 2017 20:38

Hey guys OP here, i cant believe this got featured especially as incoherent as i thnk it is. To answer some questions i do kinda wish that they would get back together but it really was a mess of a family. As pathetic as it sounds i am living with my gf and her family since my mother, who knows that he is going to live there, currently lives with her mother and its rather packed. The house my father is going to live in was our old house. Dad got custody of that. Fortunately neither get custody of me since i am 19. Ty for all your support!

By deerlord - 12/08/2017 21:45 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my mother pointed out to me how much my fiancé looks like my brother. She's right. I never noticed before, but now I can't unsee it. I don't think I'll ever be able to touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 765

You deserved it 526

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Spicy

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 1 543

By Anonymous - 24/08/2016 03:07 - United States - Dover

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 693

You deserved it 1 007

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 524

You deserved it 435

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 404

You deserved it 1 429

Degrading

By Failure2017 - 05/11/2017 00:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband referred to me as his “favorite meat sock” in front of our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 506

You deserved it 491

Hi!

By x…… - 21/02/2009 02:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, a 32 year-old man I've been dating for a few months finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home. Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 938

You deserved it 10 391

Stir crazy, part 16

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 05:00

Today, my wife was so sick of being isolated with the kids while I, a key worker, got to "escape" to work everyday, that she locked herself in our room and got completely trashed on my cider, meaning I had to stay at home with the kids instead of helping my elderly patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 535

By H3lmu1 - 06/06/2018 04:49 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, a few idiots were fooling around and they knocked down a porta-potty. The thing is, I was in that porta-potty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 240

You deserved it 224

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The Top

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 84 282

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 598

Random

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 733

You deserved it 34 816

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 568

You deserved it 4 703

Today, I went in for a doctor's appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 545

You deserved it 9 295

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 443

You deserved it 52 630

Today, I spent an hour meticulously crafting the perfect text to ask my crush out. Just as I hit send, I realized I'd accidentally sent a screenshot of the conversation to my crush instead. Now they know my level of commitment: zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 572

Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 178