The Top

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By royallymessedup - 14/08/2016 13:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 063

You deserved it 1 129

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 331

You deserved it 293

By sastgamer - 21/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 1 788

Great seeing you

By Nicole - 09/05/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 310

You deserved it 916

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 371

You deserved it 2 148

Cover me

By Mrmz07 - 01/05/2016 09:32 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 662

You deserved it 1 590

By Nasty - 25/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 010

You deserved it 1 379

By JBone - 22/01/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 420

You deserved it 33 359

Just No

By KelseNM - 05/07/2020 14:02

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is on December 19th, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 561

You deserved it 215

By noname - 04/01/2009 05:39 - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!" She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 031

You deserved it 25 370

By amilia - 07/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 388

You deserved it 342

Insecure

By Anonymous - 25/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was trying to be sexy and sent my new boyfriend a nude. Before we started dating, I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 4 221

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 652

You deserved it 1 211

Disappointed

By Lonelyhopeful - 05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down, he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 676

You deserved it 1 010

The truth

By Class - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 984

You deserved it 4 614

Use morse code

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OB-GYN's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 732

You deserved it 831

Dream on

By Robert - 01/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 720

You deserved it 2 722

By Brennan Lebrun - 18/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 946

You deserved it 376

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 952

You deserved it 502

By wowza - 31/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 514

You deserved it 2 509

By thesporkhop - 25/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 110

You deserved it 4 117

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 18:21 - France

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 970

You deserved it 2 217

By Eyalsh - 30/01/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 2 807

Scared to bed

By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 12:00

Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 437

Social parasite #7887889098

By Good tenant - 03/05/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 185

Salad days

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 418

You deserved it 834

Who's a good boy? Not you.

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 692

You deserved it 3 436

By ihateithere - 25/03/2019 20:00

Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 230

By Nico711 - 30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 493

You deserved it 215

Nice guys…

By Don'tjudgeabook - 05/04/2017 20:00

Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 957

You deserved it 371

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The Top

Today, I asked a customer three times before he saw the doctor if he had any medical insurance and he replied "No" each time. Paying his bill out of pocket, this dude had the nerve to ask, "So why didn't my medical insurance cover this?" He had coverage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 998

You deserved it 164

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 091

You deserved it 2 868

Today, my wife, who often complains about being walked on by everyone, let a person take items from our rummage sale without paying for them and simply walked away. When I asked her why she didn't say or do anything about it, she stated, "I just didn't want to make a big deal out of it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 150

Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 524

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 139

You deserved it 12 305

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 114