Today, I went to work using the train. While on the train, I fell asleep. I woke up 130km late. FML
FML - The Follow-Up
Code_Skull tells us more.
Code_Skull 12
OP here, turns out my boss was also late. Coincidences like this are called "luck" i suppose. about setting an alarm, i've done that but for some reason i slept right trough it. also, dutch trains are pretty crowded at the moment, so nobody thought about waking me up. until the next post thingamading i guess.
Today, due to summer Ramadan, we have 16 hour long fasts. Normally this is okay, except today I managed to sleep through both suhoor and iftaar. I haven't eaten for 36 hours. FML
r1has tells us more.
r1has 28
For everyone telling me to break my fast, had it actually been a problem and had I actually been sick, I would have broken it. But since I'm on summer vacation, I fell asleep, making it a lot easier to deal with. So while I was really hungry, it wasn't a health risk. I checked. God doesn't want you to kill yourself, just feel the pain of the poor and needy. And #3 pregnant women, menstruating women, nursing mothers, old people, sick people, kids e.t.c aren't supposed to fast. They can either make them up later or give in charity, if they are able to. If they aren't then no big deal. Plus puking, bleeding or fainting automatically breaks your fast, so even if I had gotten dizzy, I would have broken it. It was just kind of a miserable day because I get kinda pissy when I'm hungry, and I was snapping right and left. Thankfully my family understood, and made sure I woke up and had food the next day
Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
OP here. here's more info: of course the pasture the horses were in didn't need to be watered, and they had two lawns with sprinkles. The majority of the rest of the property was newly planted vegetable gardens. They were in the process of installing a watering system and it wasn't hooked up yet. Everything was being watered with hoses. Btw, how the hell did you guys come up with house plants? I didn't have access to the house, and why would I mention six acres if I was talking about indoor plants? Come on, people. I did call my neighbor's after they pulled this and they explained that husband thought wife had told me already while wife assumed husband had told me. They didn't realize their mistake until they were about to pull away. So, innocent mistake, but had they told me sooner I would have had the chance to mention I've never been able to keep a plant alive. :(
Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML
star71075 tells us more.
star71075 12
OP here. Just to clarify a little, I have traveled with her multiple times and she has only done this once before. That is why I didn't question anything. Anyway, we have since talked it through and have worked everything out. I am still going and sharing her room.
Today, my supervisor gave me a grand introduction as I met the CEO for the first time. He introduced me as, "Employee number zero." FML
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
OP here. I don't work in programming. I teach weapons safety courses and coach people while shooting on the range. The only thing that came to mind when my supervisor said this was the center ring on the targets. Maybe I am wrong, but I took this as I should be shot at.
Today, I sent my daughter to her dad's house for the week. She decided to pack my remotes and most of my clothes and shoes, in an effort to make me come get her as soon as I noticed. FML
Forever_Cursed tells us more.
Im the OP!! Glad this got accepted but to clarify some things nothing is going on in his home. She is just being a drama queen because he lives in a middle class home and I live in the suburbs . She doesn't like being there because " the demon spawns" also known as her brother and sisters are there and she is the oldest. She also doesn't have her own room at his house like she does at mines.
Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML
Angsty_Armadillo tells us more.
Holy crow after 7 years I finally get posted! Even though it was on an email I never use.. But I thought I would share a little somethin somethin with you guys. I have tried ear plugs but they cause blockage in my ears. Also to the people who say I shouldn't let the dog sleep with us. Have you tried keeping a 1 year old pit with seperation anxiety in a kennel or simply out of the room? You can pick up the tattered remains of my living room. It's just one of those things you gotta deal with when you have a SO and a dog that snorts loud even when awake. PS I snore loud as **** too my boyfriend is just a heavier sleeper! :D
Today, I was at a wedding reception. I had to repeatedly shout and wave like an idiot to the waiter for my order because he ignored me several times and kept forgetting about me. I was the bride. FML
Nyusziful tells us more.
Nyusziful 26
It was actually a small family event with only 20 guests, so he really didn't have to look after a huge crowd. And I was the only one in a big white dress :)
Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML
EevieBear tells us more.
EevieBear 26
Hey guys! Op here. I'm pleasantly surprised this got published! I guess I should have explained the whole situation a lot better. It was not my idea to snoop, as I was making them dinner, and I heard doors opening and closing. I went to investigate, praying it wasn't a break in. Instead, I found the kids looking through the closets. I asked them to stop, sit down, and watch tv while I continued cooking. I watched them go back to the main room by the kitchen where I was, but I guess they snuck back out. When I checked on them again, they were looking at, you guessed it, sex toys.
Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML
ItsGoneForever tells us more.
Hello, I am OP. Just a bit of clarification :-) Things were really heated and my gf was just really aroused as we hadn't seen each other for a while, so she was really into it. However, when she was cooled down again she apologized and we had a good laugh about it. And of course had another go later that evening ;-)
Today, I lost my virginity. It was painful, but not as painful as my boyfriend asking afterwards: "Um... did you use to be a guy?" FML
hellolaina tells us more.
hellolaina 18
And to answer everyone's question, no I didn't use to be a guy. And yes he is my ex.
Today, my sister played a prank by pretending to break into my house. I ended up nailing her in the chest with my baseball bat. Now all of my family is bitching and wants me to pay the medical bills. FML
BlueBaronBitch tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here, really glad that this was my first FML to be published :) I guess I should fill in the plot holes here, yes the house was dark, she came through my porch door and through the dining room, which the creaking in the floor (as my dining room floor is known to be obnoxiously creaky) is what alerted me to think of an intruder. I was in my room on the second floor and there is a wall blocking my vision of the dining room once I get down, so when I got down I peeked the corner and just went at it at the human-ish form. Ended up fracturing one of her ribs, would have been worse if my boyfriend was home and he was the one doing the hitting. Family thinks I'm responsible because "I should have recognized it was my sister" but sorry if I hear someone breaking into my house I'm not going to sit down and have a nice chat and tea before deciding to do something. My family was in on it, and they're still trying to get me to pay, but I'm not budging on the fact that I was just trying to defend myself. Hope I explained it pretty well, thanks to everyone who helped get this published :)
Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her I was at my dad's house, she clarified; she meant her husband of one year, not my actual father who has raised me for the past 25 years. Apparently, he feels "left out." FML
PaintedDoll tells us more.
PaintedDoll 13
Hey guys OP here. For a little back story the call was from my mother (I thought I put that in there). She has been married to her husband for about a year and they dated for about a year before that. I don't really see him except for holidays, because I've been living on my own since before they met. I didn't call him because he has his own children from a previous relationship, so I assumed he was spending time with them.
Today, I was going to take my father to dinner for Father's Day. It all would have gone according to plan, but he saw my Facebook post about a 12-hour stomach virus I had yesterday, so he went out fishing with his friends instead without telling me because he didn't want to catch my "disease." FML
crispyjello69 tells us more.
I put it on Facebook to see if anyone had any recommendations besides just trying to stay hydrated. I didn't list my exact symptoms, because let's just face it that's gross! It would have been nice if my father asked how I was feeling or talked about rescheduling, but neither happened! It will be a conversation for another time!
Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried to cover it up by having her stuffed. I found it "her" on my bed when I got home. They think that it's sweet that they stuffed the cat they killed. FML
sadblufly tells us more.
sadblufly 18
WOW I didn't expect to get published haha. But I do think it's ****** up, and my parents ended up agreeing. My cat was an indoor cat and has always hated going outside, especially because she was allergic to grass/something outside so I know she didn't just...run out the door or whatever. I'm not saying that they did it on purpose, because it's possible she was in the car for the vet or something and got out/they didn't notice? I don't know. I was completely heart broken and still am, I grew up with this cat and was having a rough time when I came home and looking forward to seeing her. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the..remains, but I definitely dont want to keep my stuffed cat...I think I'm going to bury her when I get the chance. My parents haven't stopped apologising, but it still sucks to have this happen.
Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high school. As I type, can hear them having sex through our paper thin walls. FML
AlphonseMuchacha tells us more.
Hey all OP here. Thanks for all the kind words. For those wondering, I gave my flatmate my blessing. The guy and I dated for a little while but it didn't work out, for him at least. I still harbour feelings for him but want them both to happy. Still sucks though.
Today, someone finally came to fix my phone line after three weeks with no Internet. The engineer reconnected the phone line to the wrong apartment. I hope my neighbour is enjoying my unlimited broadband. FML
caggybandicoot tells us more.
OP here - can't believe this got published?! I immediately phoned my ISP once I'd figured out what happened - I couldn't reconnect the line myself as I can't access the exchange box (and plus I wouldn't trust myself to be fiddling around in there anyway), and my internet has been restored. As for compensation, I should be getting a portion of my bill back as it took them so long to send an engineer out. Thanks everyone!
Today, I washed my boyfriend's work clothes, trying to make up for a fight we had earlier. After taking them out, I found his phone, wallet and keys at the bottom of the washer, completly waterlogged. This is not the peace offering I'd hoped for. FML
bigbagofnope tells us more.
bigbagofnope 25
Hay OP here, yeah I know it's my fault, I seriously ****** up. The original argument was about him spilling his coffee milkshake all in my car and on my purse, but that's water under the bridge now. I normally do check all the pockets before I put them in, I was just in a rush. I told him stright away and the wallet and keys are salvageable but the phone very much not. He's attually really chill about it bc he knows I didn't mean too and I am going to help him sort out a new phone asap. Always check your pockets folks!
Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML
1sasafras1 tells us more.
Yup. Just the skimmer net under water. The location made us unable to use the pole with the skimmer attached
Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML
Sady_Ct tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here... Wow! My first FML posted. To explain the situation, I was talking with my mum about how I'm unable to have kids due to physical issues with my body, my spine etc, all of which contribute to my financial and mental/emotional state. When some psycho storms up to me in the food court and screamed at me. What I actually do is help build the education funds for my nieces for when they grow up. Thanks for the support for everyone who understands... I get it on a weekly basis from everyone, including my partners family, and really gets under the skin. My father told me on his birthday at the start of the month that if I'm not pregnant by the end of the year he doesn't want to see me any more.. It's hard and it hurts, but i would never put a child of mine through what I went through. Thanks again for all your support! ^_^
Today, five minutes into a first date with a woman I really wanted to impress, we got on to a very busy train. I was so concerned with making sure that my backpack didn't get caught in the closing doors that I forgot to worry about my head. FML
dannidoll93 tells us more.
Hi everyone-OP here. In answer to some of the questions: - My backpack is silver and pretty small. I use it instead of a handbag because I'm prone to losing bags that aren't strapped to me through putting them down and leaving them places. - The date was pretty standard- drinks and a meal at a cool bar. Nothing crazy in the backpack! - The doors are curved on the tubes here. In addition, we were literally packed in so close that I could have had full intercourse with like 5 strangers where I was standing. I thought I was clear of the door but apparently not. I laughed it off and she was very sympathetic. My head feels okay now but I did have a bit of a headache for a while! - Other than that, we had a fun date but we didn't really click and we've agreed to just be friends. Thanks for all the comments!
Today, I found out that ever since I went from working full-time to part-time, my boss frequently blames me for different things behind my back. Currently, she's telling people I clogged the toilet and lost her keys - on what was actually my day off. FML
cocacola999 tells us more.
cocacola999 27
Hi, Op here! Thank you for all the kind comments (and yes, I am searching for a new job so I could leave). To clarify: my boss has very bad memory and she likes to blame people. It was only yesterday when my coworkers told about me having become the new scapegoat. It is not a daily occurrence; she's claimed a couple of times that I should have done something, when in reality she had forgotten to tell me about these tasks. It is a small office and everyone knows which days I have off, so my coworkers didn't tell me about it - they never believed any of her stories anyway. All claims were made only in front of three other people, we share a room, so naturally they knew I wasn't there on those days. Clogging the toilet and losing keys, however, were such remarkably stupid claims that they felt I should know. She found her keys and apologised in front of everyone, clogging the toilet was a passing remark ("oh, maybe it was her!") that she's probably already forgotten. Still, I don't want to work for someone who badmouths her employees behind their back. I am currently filling a job application - fingers crossed!
Today, I decided to act on my therapist's advice and ask my crush out. She turned me down because I'm apparently too much of a downer. The reason I have a therapist is because I'm depressed. FML
Bleiz_fml tells us more.
Bleiz_fml 18
I just want to say thank you for all of the love and such. Just getting y FML published made me excited a little! And to all the people saying that the girl is "not worth it" and stuff like that, we are still good friends and I get where she was coming from. Like multiple people have said, dating someone that has a mental disorder can be tough (especially if said person has multiple, such as ADD and an anxiety disorder I forgot the name to). Anyways thanks for the support and all..
Today, as I was building furniture at work, I managed to get my fingernails ripped off and the tips mauled while cutting the wood for a nightstand. As my I was getting bandaged, one of my bosses looked at me and simply asked, "Why'd you stop working?" FML
acf1233 tells us more.
acf1233 16
Wow. I didn't expect this to get published like at all but hey I guess it's an upside to the whole thing. This actually happened yesterday and there's a lot more to what happened then you can fit in an FML so here's the full story. I work at a furniture store where one of our major sellers is the old, rustic, farm style furniture. I've recently became the first stage guy, cutting the wood, putting the frames together, that kind of thing. On the thicker boards there's always a little bit of excess on the end when you cut them down with a table saw and this particular sliver decided to get caught in the saw, catch under my finger nails, and launch back ripping two of them off. My bosses where really caring about the whole thing. In fact the store is owned by my best friends parents so they're like family to me. The guy who asked me why I stopped working was just giving me a hard time like he always does so I'm not mad in the slightest. He was just being a good ol hard ass dad and it was actually kind of funny.
Today, I finally got to see the professional photographs taken at the wedding I recently attended. I can't find a single picture of myself that I like. I was the bride. FML
Dediti tells us more.
Dediti 8
Hey guys: OP here. You're probably right to a degree about it being my issue. I'm not the most confident, I gained a lot of weight and I was hospitalised 2 days before the wedding so I was pretty ill. On the other side of the coin the photographers insisted on some outside photos and it was raining that misty rain... so my hair and makeup were ruined. The photos are all very natural and taken as you see them, not much in the way of editing so flaws are there for all to see. The girls were lovely and I've seen some of their other work and it was stunning. I guess maybe I don't have a flattering angle! Some of my guests candids were alright so I'll use those.
Today, one of my oldest friends blocked me for refusing to drive her to and from a wedding that was over 30 miles away. The wedding was mine. FML
snazz23 tells us more.
snazz23 20
Because I would have to go 30 miles out of my way to get her, and take her 30 miles out of my way to take her home. So that's 60 miles total....on my wedding day.
Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML
ForSeriousReally tells us more.
It was expensive.
Today, I was helping some teachers with an exhibition for my final project. I brought an old USB stick with my final piece on it to display on a TV, but what I didn't know was that the TV didn't organize files by folders. Three teachers got a glimpse of my friend's infected nipple piercing. FML
murtato tells us more.
murtato 15
Hey, I'm OP and I knew I'd get questions like "why do you have that on your USB?" I just copied my main folder onto my USB because I was clearing my laptop, just so I could have things like old art saved. I had it because my friend was asking for advice because I had one too, and since it was sent on Skype, it automatically saved the file. My entire folder was just a huge mess and I had one for received Skype files in it, and I completely forgot about it after it was sent. I'm still so shocked that it was one of the first things to come up out of the 3000+ files on it. :/
Today, on our anniversary, my fiancé left me. I now spent a couple hundred dollars on a hotel room and wine to cry myself to sleep, alone. FML
BloodyElegant tells us more.
Hey, OP here! (Sorry, I didn't think to use my account when I posted this) Turns out I'm sort of happy that it happened. It hurt (and still hurts), yes, but I'm glad I didn't go through with the wedding. We spent the next week going back and forth and he just treated me like crap. It made me realize I deserve someone who wants me, loves me, and treats me how I deserve to be treated. As for the hotel, I did have my best friend enjoy the amenities with me while I enjoyed some much needed catharsis. Thank you, everyone, for being so kind!
Today, after meeting my new girlfriend, my mom dyed and cut her hair the exact same way my girlfriend has hers. FML
TacoMan32 tells us more.
TacoMan32 21
Holy shit, this got published. I was having a garbage day, and this just made it! Okay, so My girlfriends a red head with medium length hair, while my mom was a blond. They met a few days ago, but when I got home from school yesterday, my mom, low and behold, sported her new hairstyle. When she asked me how I liked it, I was speechless. When I told my girlfriend what had happened, she looked at me like I was crazy ;-; Anyways, I hope I did the follow up right, never done one before