Today, I had to abandon my normal duties and help out the electrician my boss called, all because my boss couldn't handle speaking to him since he was attractive. She's in her fifties. I'm in my twenties and I'm the more mature one. FML
FML - The Follow-Up
C8H18 tells us more.
C8H18 33
The full immaturity: So the manager and supervisors, (all of which are middleaged females) were at the front of the building with me. Electrician arrives and I let him in the building. By the time I turn around, all the ladies are at the opposite side of the building. I don't think much of that at the time because I know a lot of people aren't comfortable working around wiring. So I help the guy out for the day. Once he left all the ladies suddenly appeared again; giggling and acting like little school girls. My manager started bombarding me with questions like, "What's his name?! He's so handsome! Is he married? When's he coming back? Will you warn me before he does?" I was quite shocked at the behavior honestly. He did return and I caught manager and supervisors spying around corners as we worked. He needed the managers signature for the work he'd done when he was finished. She refused to approach him because she was blushing too much. I had to bring her the paper in the back room before she'd sign it.
Today, I was flirting with a really cute girl and we ran out of things to say, I got so nervous with the silence that I asked her if she had hiccuped lately. FML
ScarletSpirit tells us more.
Hi there, OP here. We talk frequently on social media now and we still flirt a lot, now "have you hiccuped lately?" is our opening question to each other :)
Today, I was, once again, yelled at by multiple tourists because I don't speak their language, even though they could neither speak English or Norwegian. They also yelled at me for not accepting Euros. Norway is not a part of the European Union. FML
hemiol tells us more.
hemiol 30
Because I do understand some of the languages of the tourists who usually come through. I usually get by with a couple of words here and there, some Norwegian and English, but some tourists just don't bother to even try. Usually it's fine, and everybody's happy, but every day I meet at least one asshat who turns to yelling in stead of being a bit patient.
Today, I have a huge crush on my best friend who views me as his little sister. My coworker found out and has since been making incest jokes. FML
millie_marie tells us more.
OP here! I felt like I should probably clear a few things up. He's been my best friend since we met first semester of college, and we tell each other everything. Our relationship has ALWAYS been brother/sister, but we went to a late showing of Suicide Squad over the weekend and he slept at my house since it was almost one in the morning when the movie ended. And we both cuddle with the person in bed with us, and I realized I must have been catching feelings for a while because I really wanted more than that. He's interested in someone else (again, we tell each other everything), so I know nothing's going to come of that. As for my coworker, someone said to let him know what he's doing is harassment, but he and I joke with each other all the time. We work at a place where if we all don't joke around and make fun of each other, we'd go crazy trying to stay sane. He is an ass, but he'll stop eventually. It's just that it stings a bit now because he wasted no time when in the past he's waited until I'm out of my bad mood about the situation. Thanks for the support and jokes, guys. It made me feel a bit better (:
Today, my boyfriend was truly upset because I refused to pee on him. FML
wondermoose tells us more.
wondermoose 28
Hello, OP here. My boyfriend and I are very open and communicate about what we want to try and what we don't want to try. We've been together three years and pretty much will try anything as long as we are both comfortable. We were in the shower during this conversation and it started as a joke for me to pee on him and I told him I didn't want to but I think he was offended because he thought I was feeling self conscious in front of him so he felt like he wasn't doing his 'boyfriend duty' by making me feel okay with that... I know sounds strange. But we're over it and he actually doesn't want me to pee on him at all. Go figure. Thanks for the jokes and advice to you all!
Today, I thought I'd save some money by doing my own electrical work. When I turned the power back on, it caught fire. FML
chewsef tells us more.
chewsef 17
OP here....I'm getting hammered on this one as I expected. Waiting on a electrician as we speak.
Today, the owner of the restaurant I work at texted me to let me know the manager does not want me to come in anymore. Why? I'm the most praised of the staff by the customers and they love me, which makes the manager look bad. The owner hired me solely for customer service in the first place. FML
browneyedgirlx3 tells us more.
Hi guys, OP here. Just going to give a bit more detail: the restaurant is Chinese, owned and employed by 99% Chinese. Their culture is entirely foreign to me, and while I did my best to understand it, I've come away from this with the thought process that they are just extremely condescending to anyone who is not Chinese/Asian. The owner hired me specifically to be able to communicate with "Western" customers, as while the staff could speak English, it is not the native language of any of them, and they could not joke and chat with customers the way I could; they were looking specifically for someone of "Western" culture (their words). There were multiple customers who: A) quickly became regulars, despite the restaurant having only just opened, and; B) praised me to many members of the staff, including the manager. The first time I heard a customer tell the manager how good my service was, his response was literally an emotionless: "All staff is good." There were many customers who were disgusted with his treatment of them, and while I tried to defend his actions (and I saved the restaurant losing least one customer [who ended up having a nearly $400 bill] by doing this) by explaining his English was so poor that he did not like to keep conversation going too long, I now think he really is just a grumpy old Chinese man. Now, someone hit the nail on the head by suggesting the owner is inexperienced: this is his first restaurant. The manager has 40 years of restaurant knowledge. I have 6, and so while I understand I may be a bit behind in experience, it doesn't take a brainiac to know how to treat people with common curtesy and respect. This manager is extremely short with customers, barely looks them in the eye, and makes them feel very rushed in everything from ordering to being seated to leaving. He also left me stranded at the restaurant late at night when the busses had stopped running, and if it weren't for the kindness of one of the older waitresses, I honestly don't know how I would have gotten home. I had been thinking of leaving for a new job after that was done anyway, because I could not work with people who are so disrespectful and disregarding of others like that. That was the night I got the text message (last night), so obviously the decision was made for me, but I still think it's so shit how everything turned out. In terms of my job description, I did absolutely everything right (and did everything to alleviate the workload of others). It's just that no matter how much I tried, I just could not connect with any of the Chinese staff, and I think that's what inevitably led to my dismissal. Which, again, I think is shit, because the owner was specifically looking for a "Western" assistant manager (which they didn't give me; they advertised and I accepted the role of assistant manager, but I actually ended up being no more than a waitress/hostess, with the added responsibility of opening in the morning). If it was going to be such an issue with the Chinese staff, they should have never brought a "Western" in in the first place.
Today, I attempted to bleach the little hairs above my lip. I had it on for about 15 seconds. Turns out that the horrible stinging that I had felt meant that it was not just working, but also eating through my skin at the same time. FML
AlmightyVoice tells us more.
Hi OP here! No this was not my first experience with bleaching my upper lip. I have done it many times before but with a different product. I had my friend do it also with me and hers did not end up like mine. Every time I had done it before it had stung so I figured that it was just doing its job but I guess my skin was just very sensitive to the brand I had. Good news is that everything is good now and I will just go back to using the kind I had before. Also the only reason I decided on not shaving or anything else was because I do not want the hair growing in darker or thicker:)
Today, I learned that marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. Instead, it's digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband's ass cheek because he can't reach it himself. FML
snazz23 tells us more.
snazz23 20
OP here! So, we're very open about our gross habits. We have no problem popping each others pimples and such. I was actually the one to point out the infection and asked if he wanted me to get it. I'm not grossed out by it, I simply found it funny that everyone always says what bliss being a newlywed is and here I am squeezing and digging and infected hair our of my husband!
Today, I sent a text to my volleyball group chat congratulating everyone who made the school team, which I hadn't. Someone removed me from the conversation. FML
washcaps tells us more.
washcaps 11
Hey everyone, OP here. (: First off, I would like to thank you guys for your nice comments, they made things better! And since I didn't have much room to explain, the group chat was consisted of the girls in the coed league we all played together in the winter, thus creating the chat. We all attend the same school and are all upcoming sophomores that tried out for JV. The competition was very hard. In the end the coach toke 6 sophomores, (all that played in same coed team) and 8 juniors. There were 9 of us in that didn't make it, also all 9 were in the chat. After I realized I was removed I was a little saddened and didn't quite understand why because it wasn't anything too much. A friend of mine that also didn't make it informed me that after I had been removed, she congratulated them too, and she had also been removed. So basically it's came into realization they aren't worth it and I'm more likely to try another sport but if I can't decide on one I might just practice more. Sorry it's long, and thank you if you read!
Today, I was sitting on the floor petting my cat. Something that felt like a rock was jabbing into my leg so I reached down to remove it. It was an ancient, rock-hard piece of dung. FML
sw2f2fchik612 tells us more.
This is my FML. And yay, I finally got one published! Anyway, yes it was inside on the floor and yes, it was freakin' gross haha. I had just come home after being away for several weeks for those saying I haven't been cleaning lol. I didn't see it because it blended in with the color of the rug. It actually hurt when I sat down on it. I can only assume one of the dogs snuck it from the litter box as they tend to do.
Today, it's my birthday. I share it with a guy I've been seeing for over six months. I showed up with a handmade pie and a gift bag. His ex-girlfriend accepted it for him, as he was busy. FML
lostmykeys tells us more.
Follow up - He was back together with her and neglected to tell me. He was having a dinner date with her when I arrived, so I kind of handed over the gifts and walked away. and cornyrob - Super funny you'd mention the wedding singer. That's his favourite rom-com. Although in this situation, my adam sandler was most definitely aware his Linda was around. It really kills me that this made it onto the FMLs.
Today, I got a letter from my old bank saying I owe them over 400 dollars. I closed the account 3 months ago, or at least I thought I did. The teller never finished closing it and I've been getting hammered with maintenance fees and overdrafts on an account I didn't even want anymore. FML
vxdragon23 tells us more.
op here. the first fee was a 12 d9llar maintenance fee after I had "closed the account" it was then followed up by multiple extended overdraft fees for 35 dollars each. there wasn't anything that was auto drafting from the account.
Today, I found out that the woman who has been secretly sexting my husband for the last two months is my new co-worker. I have to train her. FML
CinnamonBunny tells us more.
OP here. Just to clarify: - I found out about the texts a month or so ago when she sent one just as we were cuddling in bed. That was fun. - Husband had not responded to her texts the way she would like, but he hadn't exactly told her to **** off either. He just kept bleating on about how they were supposed to be friends. Ostensibly it's because they worked together (we all work for an IT company but they were in a different department) and he didn't want to cause trouble but I think it's more that he quite liked the attention. He is well and truly in the doghouse. - She is well aware of our marriage and had met me several times prior to sexting my husband.
Today, I was talking with my girlfriend. We both have family issues, so we'd agreed to open up to each other today. Turns out I'm dating my cousin. FML
meltingturtle tells us more.
OP here. Here's your follow up. My mom and her brother had a rocky relationship. She moved to the west coast some twenty years ago, and never talks about my uncle. I know of him, but never met him due to problems between them. I moved out of state for college, and met my girlfriend there. I'd only been told I had a cousin once, pretty much in passing. My gf and I were both talking, and she mentioned how her dad, named David, was bipolar and had several issues. I asked if she had any aunts or anything cause that sounded a hell of a lot like my estranged uncle my mom hardly talks about. She was all, 'yeah, but my dad never talks about her. Her name is Emily or something I think?' And I was like 'o shit that's my mom'. It was super awkward. I'd known my uncle had a daughter, and she knew her aunt had two. Thing is, I'm a trans boy who goes by a completely name, so we never really figured it out until now. Hope it makes more sense to y'all now.
Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML
CliffyB03 tells us more.
Today, my mom told me that she wanted the whole family to move to Guatemala. I told her, as nice and calmly as I could, that this was an awful idea. She is now furious with me because I don't want to move to Guatemala. FML
holluphollup tells us more.
holluphollup 12
OP here. I'm here to explain this a little better. Ok so first off, I'm under 18 so therefore I can't leave. Second, my mother wants to do this because she wants to be a midwife, and Guatemala has cheap midwifery classes and programs. You might say she's doing this to help us financially, but my dads a doctor so that takes care of itself. Also, my mom has horrible back problems. At times she can barely move without hurting. If she's like this, then how will she be able to perform her job well? ( Surgery isn't an option because everyon we've tried has failed). I'm 17 and I've been in a small town where everybody knows everybody. I'm at the top of my class, and I have a real shot into getting into a prestigious university. I also have very deep connections with the people here. I don't want to throw this away. I don't mean to be rude and thwart my moms dreams, but it's just not what's best right now in my opinion. Hope this answered a lot of your questions. Also, thanks for all the support I really appreciate it. :)
Today, I walked up to my sister's car to give her some money I owed her. She refused to open the window and take back the money. After begging her to open the window, a passer-by mistook me for a beggar and gave me some loose change. FML
Marmarfarfar tells us more.
Marmarfarfar 25
I was so shocked and confused I kind of just froze and the person had already walked off before I could even process what happened! My sister was just laughing so hard the whole time. I did pay it forward though!
Today, on a girls night out at a very fancy restaurant, our waiter spilled my chocolate dessert over my new white pants. To repay up, they gave us a free bottle of red wine, which he promptly coated me in. FML
Hutchie931 tells us more.
Hutchie931 15
Hi to continue after that fiasco the waiter was very apologetic and so was the owner and I got 15% of my bill and got recommended a Dry Cleaners that specialised in "accidental" stains so not all bad :)
Today, I realized I got more birthday wishes from people checking my ID for alcohol purchases than from friends. FML
taroschain tells us more.
taroschain 11
Huh, didn't think this would make it. Neat. Thanks for the birthday wishes! To clear a few things up: 1. I started getting birthday wishes from ID checkers a week before my birthday and for a few days after, during which time I went on a couple beer runs for my roommate, bought a bottle of wine for a family dinner, had a weekly girls' night out with some coworkers and, yes, went barhopping with a friend on the day of. 2. I only got Facebook because my college required it and didn't bother filling in the information other than schooling. 3. I'm not one of those people who reminds everyone about their birthday five times a day for two weeks, and I track friends' birthdays on my iPod calendar. Also, I'm a bit of a workaholic and tend to forget events if they don't affect my work schedule (thus the calendar) and didn't actually realize my birthday was coming up until it was mentioned on one of said aforementioned beer runs. 4. Partly due to a lack of FB and other social networking, most of my friends are either from work or people I was really close to in high school and chose to keep in contact with via phone or e-mail (I'm an old person in a 25-year old body. I knit too!). Also guildmates, but I don't think that counts. Hope this helps!
Today, it's the fourth day in a row that I've been kept awake by my grandmother's snoring. I want to be pissed off, but she has sleep apnea, and I feel guilty for even wanting her to shut the hell up. FML
Checkpoint96 tells us more.
Checkpoint96 10
Hi, OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions, I have not mentioned to her that her snoring keeps me awake, as I think that would be rude, especially as she can not do much about it. For all those telling me that I should tell her, or that it is fatal, she knows she has it, and she is also aware that it is fatal, as is my entire family. She is just one of those people who stubbornly refuses to get treated for anything, as 'it can't possibly be that bad'. My family and I have talked to her about getting a CPAP machine, but as I mentioned before, she stubbornly refuses to do anything about it.
Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my young neighbor flew his RC plane right into my ear. FML
BoboCracker tells us more.
BoboCracker 21
Op here, thanks for the funny comments, I'm here to clear up a few things. No, the whole plane didn't go into my ear, the nose got stuck and broke off. I eventually pulled it out, but it still hurt like hell.
Today, I was fired from my job because my boss "doesn't think I'm happy there". FML
someonesometime tells us more.
OP here. First submission got posted :) there is no HR to talk to as there was only me, the owner and another coworker and we all got along just fine. I do have Resting Bitch Face but I'm aware of it and consciously smile to make up for it. I also did not have a bad attitude. The worst part was that I was still training so I haven't had time to meet the requirements of the job or not. Oh well, she was a flaky boss anyway. But she said she'd give me a good reference.
Today, despite my best efforts to keep my new apartment clean and weeks of denying the complex has a bug problem, I came face to face with a roach in my cupboard. I swear the little bastard waved at me. FML
jettison17 tells us more.
OP here. I've spoken to management and they're working on an exterminator, as the whole complex was bought out 3 weeks ago. Hopefully it's sooner rather than later, or I will have to burn it down! In the meantime my cat and I have shown no mercy.
Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML
brerj09 tells us more.
brerj09 13
Ok so I feel like I need to clarify a few things. I'm 21 and my husband is 27. We have been married less than a year. He has gone to the doctor about this before. His testosterone levels are within the normal range but just barely. He doesn't have ED. And it's not that I'm bad in bed... He has a very low sex drive. I have a normal sex drive. If he had his way we'd have sex like once a month. I'm not happy with that. Things were getting better but then he dropped this bomb on me last night. He isn't interesting in having sex and he's doesn't want to do anything to change that. And I'm abnormal because I want to have sex. We are going to be seeing a marriage counselor....
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating because I've been buying generic groceries instead of name brand to save money. Apparently, I must be using the extra money on another woman. FML
Jaraxxus_fml tells us more.
Jaraxxus_fml 15
OP here! No, we talked about it before this, so she knew why. I'm not sure why she thinks this.
Today, my budgie learned to fly, having finally outgrown his clipped wings. He flew straight over the gate, out the door and into my dogs jaws. FML
InsanityShard tells us more.
OP here, I had only had the two budgies for a month, I bought them with their wings clipped but I didn't think he could fly with two inches missing from his wings, especially since he and the other budgie hadn't been doing so well. They couldn't get any lift on any of their attempts, and could only fly about 5 feet or so, so I was fine letting them sit at my window. That;s all they had been doing in the past 2 weeks I'd been letting them out. I was just sitting here, and suddenly I hear my mum screaming- they had somehow flown over the gate and into the living room. Another thing to note is that they had made a lot of noise every other time they flew, but this time I didn't hear them fly at all... I was letting their wings grow out so exactly this couldn't happen. They hadn't been able to fly far enough to get over the gate before, having nothing to jump off and being unable to gain lift. I wanted them to be able to fly away from my mums dog if they got out. Sadly, they tried to fly out the glass door after going out my door and the one the dog got was the same colour as his fluffy toys... I do understand this is at least partially my fault, if not all my fault, I was right here and didn't hear them fly, let alone get over the gate that stops the dog coming in here. I was too focused on what I was doing on my computer at the time.
Today, I learned that lightning and flash flooding are the best motivatiors. I learned this while on a run and 2 miles away from school. FML
benjamin03_fml tells us more.
Op here! To clarify, I was a cross country practice which meets at the school. We run from there and end there at the weight room. I did end up getting soaked, mostly because we got stuck at a red light. Thanks for the comments!
Today, my friend and I were brushing our teeth, standing side by side. We both have a sympathy gag reflex. He brushed his tongue and gagged, which caused me to gag. So we had a never ending gag-fest until we both began throwing up and couldn't stop until one of us could manage to hold it in. FML
StateOfEuphoria tells us more.
It's what I've always heard people call it, a sympathy gag reflex, but I'm sure there's a different name for it. its just where you gag at the sound of someone else gagging.
Today, my batshit crazy coworker told me that she wants to hear my skin sizzle. I'm afraid to go to work now. FML
hellolaina tells us more.
hellolaina 18
OP here. This happened a few years ago. She's like 28 and has loose wires in her brain. I ended up quitting that job. Not because of her. I haven't seen her since.