Intimacy: Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me...

By ItsGoneForever - Netherlands - Driehuis

Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML

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ItsGoneForever tells us more :

Hello, I am OP. Just a bit of clarification :-) Things were really heated and my gf was just really aroused as we hadn't seen each other for a while, so she was really into it. However, when she was cooled down again she apologized and we had a good laugh about it. And of course had another go later that evening ;-)

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Thanks for the support

By erin - France

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

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By madgf - France

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to skip school with him. His mom came home early. I had to hide in his closet and wait 6 hours for her to go to her book club meeting. FML

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By Lord Buttfuck IV - France

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

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By MereLewis95 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

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By BrillianceSucks - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

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By TimJack18 - United States - Whiteville

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

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Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

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By trex_life - 14/3/2021 20:00

Chill out, Bugs

Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML

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By TheFatOne - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

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Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

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Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

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Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

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By confused - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

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By ugly duckling - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

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By boundandgagged - United States

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

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By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

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By tuggernuts - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

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By poop hands - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

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By Morgan - United States

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

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By ellesworth

Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML

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By frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

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By pzy

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

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By Screamslikeagirl - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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By sasd32 - United States

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

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By myheadhurts - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

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By sex sent me to the Er

Life imitates bad art

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

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By XxMe123xx - France

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

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By hopeless-.- - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

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Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

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By dude, where's my balls? :( - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

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By "refines"

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

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By momoftheyearedition - United States - Landenberg

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

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By El Stupido - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

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By Danielle - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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Top comments

By analhehskb | 5

#6636059 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6636066 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

COMMENTS

By analhehskb | 5

#6636059 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

_EnderDoge | 22

#6636060 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:31

Nice

Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#6636401 - Saturday 25 June 2016 23:56

#1, it isn't that hard? It seems OP agrees, considering he went soft.
Get it, not hard? Soft?

*mutters under breath* I need to work on these jokes...

nanner6206 | 24

#6636523 - Sunday 26 June 2016 4:05

yep. Just leave #1s joke as is.

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6636066 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

Coolhwip92 | 8

#6636122 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:07

I think the word "accidentally" in the OP answers that question.

By interesting33 | 36

#6636067 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:42

Why would she get mad at you for that? That is ridiculous!

Blizz18 | 14

#6636537 - Sunday 26 June 2016 4:24

I hope you meant ri-dick-ulous..

I swear, it's like you people aren't even trying anymore...

By ber4fun | 23

#6636075 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:50

Talk about being inconsiderate..

By wanted_2_want | 40

#6636128 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:28

That was a dick move.
Or lack there of.

By icemand90 | 17

#6636130 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:30

whats a little kick to the face?

By urbanbigfoot | 20

#6636144 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:54

A kick in the face? Sounds pretty damn kinky OP.

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#6636147 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:56

That's ridiculous. You should wait until after a few sexy times pass. When it seems she's 'forgiven' you, initiate sex. "Accidentally" kick her in the face. See if she wants to keep going then.

By roshkosch | 11

#6636167 - Saturday 25 June 2016 18:30

She was probably embarressed... (hopefully)

By ironhead_fml | 20

#6636181 - Saturday 25 June 2016 18:47

Tell her to suck it!