Intimacy: Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me...

By ItsGoneForever - 25/06/2016 00:48 - Netherlands - Driehuis

Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 370

You deserved it 2 595

ItsGoneForever tells us more.

ItsGoneForever 15

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Saturday 25 June 2016 18:48

Hello, I am OP. Just a bit of clarification :-) Things were really heated and my gf was just really aroused as we hadn't seen each other for a while, so she was really into it. However, when she was cooled down again she apologized and we had a good laugh about it. And of course had another go later that evening ;-)

Intimacy

Another great day to be alive

Good kid

Relatable

By indefiniteforest - 10/09/2016 04:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 832

You deserved it 1 105

By Michaelichael - 28/03/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 235

You deserved it 11 674

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 21:40 - Canada - Markham

Today, my brother finally paid me the $60 he owed me. I later found out that he'd stolen those $60 from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 3 846

By gkid92 - 16/08/2011 16:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 416

You deserved it 42 968

By bg4545 - 24/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 423

You deserved it 18 487

By Kitten_Love - 28/01/2013 19:52 - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 025

You deserved it 6 603

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 16:59

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 195

By anonymous - 06/05/2015 13:36 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 602

You deserved it 3 228

By buccaneer - 23/10/2012 16:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 819

You deserved it 3 535

Responsibilities

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 20:00

Today, I got chewed out by my boss. Why? Because my coworkers haven't gotten their work done. Now I have to scan them their work for them to complete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 103

Get it on, bang a gong

By DrySpellcaster - 07/10/2020 16:57

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 204

By hickhick - 07/07/2019 04:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 1 610

By oh dang /: - 25/05/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 414

You deserved it 7 530

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 01:57 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 2 406

By DingusGinger - 21/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 149

By Redhead4life - 18/03/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 820

You deserved it 2 860

By Matthew - 27/11/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 818

You deserved it 4 551

Like glue

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 10:01

Today, it's been almost 3 years since my wife has wanted sex, and I get turned down every time I ask. Even when I insist on a romantic date night, we just sit with no idea what to say to each other. How did we drift so far apart? The only thing keeping us together is the mortgage and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 193

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 02:01

Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 1 613

Understandable

By sweetlilthing - 31/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband is depressed because the government is relaxing coronavirus isolation and he doesn’t want to have to return to talking to people, or having family drop by unexpectedly, or socialising at all. He prefers being stuck at home as an antisocial Xbox and Netflix goblin FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 1 155

Lock in

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 14:00

Today, my boss told me I could do my university work as long as I served customers when they came in. No customers came in all day, then I realised I’d been so focused on my laptop, I'd never noticed I’d left the bolt on the door, so customers couldn’t get in. My boss sacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 698

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 832

You deserved it 1 679

By crystalwho - 20/01/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I went downstairs to grab a snack and a glass of Silk (you know, the soymilk). When I get back to my room, I go to throw the snack on my bed to shut the door, but I tossed with the wrong hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 403

You deserved it 24 368

By Lifes_a_bust - 08/08/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 905

You deserved it 4 426

By ronniewciv - 30/12/2010 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 506

You deserved it 3 751

By BohGlam - 01/12/2016 20:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 622

Never enough

By Notgoodenough - 26/11/2021 22:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my ex-husband quit smoking and went back to school for his new girlfriend. I’d been behind his ass getting him to stop his bad habits for the entire year and a half of our marriage, and he didn’t wanna do it. Nice to know he wanted to be a better man… for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 284

By mrmidi - 21/05/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 4 268

Healthcare is broken

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 17:01

Today, after driving 3 and a half hours to the nearest major emergency room, waiting 7+ hours to see my grandfather's bowel cancer specialist, we were told to go back to our hotel. Why? The triage nurse never logged my grandfather into the system, so his doctor went home at 9.00 p.m. when he'd finished theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 53

By ellesworth - 01/09/2017 23:15

Today, while sharing my screen with our tech guy at work, I forgot he was there and opened Facetime to pick a zit on my chin. After going in for the squeeze, I horrifyingly remembered he could see everything and quickly closed it. After a few seconds, he said, "Did you get it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 2 739

By fmlimoverit - 12/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 3 674

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 16:56 - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 10 288

By sadmama - 23/02/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that while my mother-in-law claimed to be babysitting my son, she was actually dropping him off at an unlicensed “day care” in a shady part of town so she could go out. How did I find out? The house was raided by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 658

You deserved it 317

By anal-retentive - 23/06/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 4 220

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 291

You deserved it 11 322

By Anon - 28/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 271

You deserved it 2 434

By poop towel - 15/09/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 521

You deserved it 2 223

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 25/08/2021 22:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 142

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 3 611

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Top comments

analhehskb 5

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

analhehskb 5

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

_EnderDoge 22

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:31

Nice

Sir_ND_Pity 35

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Saturday 25 June 2016 23:56

#1, it isn't that hard? It seems OP agrees, considering he went soft. Get it, not hard? Soft? *mutters under breath* I need to work on these jokes...

nanner6206 24

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Sunday 26 June 2016 4:05

yep. Just leave #1s joke as is.

BlueBaronBitch 22

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

Coolhwip92 8

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Saturday 25 June 2016 17:07

I think the word "accidentally" in the OP answers that question.

interesting33 36

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:42

Why would she get mad at you for that? That is ridiculous!

Blizz18 14

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Sunday 26 June 2016 4:24

I hope you meant ri-dick-ulous.. I swear, it's like you people aren't even trying anymore...

ber4fun 23

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Saturday 25 June 2016 15:50

Talk about being inconsiderate..

wanted_2_want 40

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Saturday 25 June 2016 17:28

That was a dick move. Or lack there of.

icemand90 17

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Saturday 25 June 2016 17:30

whats a little kick to the face?

urbanbigfoot 20

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Saturday 25 June 2016 17:54

A kick in the face? Sounds pretty damn kinky OP.

sherri_baby88 35

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Saturday 25 June 2016 17:56

That's ridiculous. You should wait until after a few sexy times pass. When it seems she's 'forgiven' you, initiate sex. "Accidentally" kick her in the face. See if she wants to keep going then.