Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me...

By ItsGoneForever - 25/6/2016 00:48 - Netherlands - Driehuis

Today, while making love, my girlfriend accidentally kicked me in the face when changing positions. She then got mad at me when I went soft due to the pain. FML

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ItsGoneForever Say more :

Hello, I am OP. Just a bit of clarification :-) Things were really heated and my gf was just really aroused as we hadn't seen each other for a while, so she was really into it. However, when she was cooled down again she apologized and we had a good laugh about it. And of course had another go later that evening ;-)

Intimacy

Family values

Business savvy

Higher standards

By twinkletoes - 17/9/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I went to get my nails done for the first time in a while. I don't like to go that much because two of my toes are connected, and I'm very self-conscious about it. The man painting my toes started laughing when he saw them and called all the other employees over to look. FML

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By lonelygirl - 17/8/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

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By fatgirl4 - 20/7/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

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By misc - 8/6/2011 17:52 - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

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By This Is My Life - 1/7/2017 02:00

Jesus Christ!

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

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By Tyler - 19/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML

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By jackelking - 25/5/2009 08:33 - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

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By Good sister - 13/10/2011 23:20 - United States

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

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By Jack W. - 9/12/2015 19:26 - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

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By Clogged Nose - 19/3/2020 02:32

Smells like teen spirit of America

Today, I had to train a new guy whose body odor was killing me. After he'd left, I had to run two industry size fans to blow the stench out of my office. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2012 18:29 - United States - Monson

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

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By Anon - 28/1/2019 06:00 - United States - West Jefferson

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

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By Doy - 19/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

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By I don't condome that, babe - 24/7/2014 20:51 - United States - Lutz

Today, I overheard my boyfriend saying to his friends, "I never knew what real contraception was until I saw Laura's face." I'm Laura. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By Bigpoppa0507 - 31/8/2011 14:02 - Canada

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

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By bucktooth - 26/4/2012 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

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By hitandrun - 10/8/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

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By Jojo - 8/5/2019 16:00

Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML

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By Chris Altenbach - 23/2/2010 20:55 - United States

Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

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By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

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By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

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By downinthedumps - 13/1/2015 02:47 - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

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By ButItWasRareDad! - 3/8/2016 22:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

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By Nyquilwtf - 23/9/2012 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

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By GD - 21/2/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

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By misty - 28/6/2011 16:14 - Canada

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

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By scaredofbozo - 11/3/2011 16:05

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

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By lawdwhy - 12/11/2017 22:09

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid that discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

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By BathroomDweller - 20/3/2017 20:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

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By hk - 20/9/2016 15:29 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

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By knoppad - 13/6/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2011 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Pasadena

In a zoo

Today, I learned that I am referred to as the girl who has "the ass like Beyoncé, but a face like a gorilla". FML

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By Bethany - 7/8/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

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Top comments

By analhehskb | 5

#6636059 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6636066 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

COMMENTS

By analhehskb | 5

#6636059 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:25

Come on dude, it's not that hard.

_EnderDoge | 22

#6636060 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:31

Nice

Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#6636401 - Saturday 25 June 2016 23:56

#1, it isn't that hard? It seems OP agrees, considering he went soft.
Get it, not hard? Soft?

*mutters under breath* I need to work on these jokes...

nanner6206 | 24

#6636523 - Sunday 26 June 2016 4:05

yep. Just leave #1s joke as is.

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6636066 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:38

Did you ask for it rough OP?

Coolhwip92 | 8

#6636122 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:07

I think the word "accidentally" in the OP answers that question.

By interesting33 | 36

#6636067 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:42

Why would she get mad at you for that? That is ridiculous!

Blizz18 | 14

#6636537 - Sunday 26 June 2016 4:24

I hope you meant ri-dick-ulous..

I swear, it's like you people aren't even trying anymore...

By ber4fun | 23

#6636075 - Saturday 25 June 2016 15:50

Talk about being inconsiderate..

By wanted_2_want | 40

#6636128 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:28

That was a dick move.
Or lack there of.

By icemand90 | 16

#6636130 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:30

whats a little kick to the face?

By urbanbigfoot | 20

#6636144 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:54

A kick in the face? Sounds pretty damn kinky OP.

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#6636147 - Saturday 25 June 2016 17:56

That's ridiculous. You should wait until after a few sexy times pass. When it seems she's 'forgiven' you, initiate sex. "Accidentally" kick her in the face. See if she wants to keep going then.

By roshkosch | 11

#6636167 - Saturday 25 June 2016 18:30

She was probably embarressed... (hopefully)

By ironhead_fml | 20

#6636181 - Saturday 25 June 2016 18:47

Tell her to suck it!