Kids

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 00:55 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years-old. FML

agreeclassic 27 073

vote type 1 4 681

Now we cook

By JAdams - 13/08/2012 00:49 - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

agreeclassic 29 669

vote type 1 2 952

Worst babysitter ever

By shira512 - 10/08/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

agreeclassic 26 267

vote type 1 4 055

Guys, I'm here!

By nalathelionqueen - 10/08/2012 22:44 - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

agreeclassic 26 611

vote type 1 3 104

By bellabreeze - 09/08/2012 03:29 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

agreeclassic 26 149

vote type 1 3 365

By milf - 06/08/2012 01:10 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

agreeclassic 27 209

vote type 1 5 251

By Kolkata - 05/08/2012 23:25 - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

agreeclassic 29 666

vote type 1 2 337

Kids these days…

By daughter - 05/08/2012 07:49 - United States - Kailua

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text, saying, "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

agreeclassic 29 894

vote type 1 2 387

By Anonymous - 04/08/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

agreeclassic 27 155

vote type 1 7 352

By me - 04/08/2012 19:14 - Canada - Debert

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

agreeclassic 11 202

vote type 1 26 894

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

agreeclassic 34 031

vote type 1 4 880

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21 - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

agreeclassic 35 104

vote type 1 2 695

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 14:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

agreeclassic 32 504

vote type 1 3 064

Pleasant

By daddydaughterWTF - 02/08/2012 00:06 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML

agreeclassic 27 608

vote type 1 2 646

By 1D-107 - 31/07/2012 17:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

agreeclassic 23 595

vote type 1 2 483

By mcase - 31/07/2012 05:36 - United States - Compton

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

agreeclassic 31 239

vote type 1 4 988

By oink oink fuck off - 29/07/2012 18:49 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

agreeclassic 25 976

vote type 1 3 722

What's up doc?

By fml - 29/07/2012 12:20 - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

agreeclassic 28 705

vote type 1 5 859

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

agreeclassic 26 778

vote type 1 3 443

By love_to_live - 28/07/2012 04:17 - United States - Waupun

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

agreeclassic 12 821

vote type 1 22 551

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 19:04 - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

agreeclassic 30 333

vote type 1 8 382

By Anonymous - 25/07/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

agreeclassic 31 568

vote type 1 13 837

By Jessi - 24/07/2012 18:33 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

agreeclassic 28 413

vote type 1 3 102

By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

agreeclassic 31 514

vote type 1 12 610

Shower time

By poolboy - 23/07/2012 04:28

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later, while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

agreeclassic 25 338

vote type 1 2 818

By It was the 11 year old - 21/07/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

agreeclassic 29 941

vote type 1 5 040

By great - 20/07/2012 10:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

agreeclassic 21 553

vote type 1 31 431

By ssydneyy - 17/07/2012 19:47 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

agreeclassic 23 055

vote type 1 3 024

By trisha - 16/07/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

agreeclassic 29 647

vote type 1 7 528

By oops123 - 16/07/2012 14:38 - United States

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

agreeclassic 19 258

vote type 1 29 395

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

agreeclassic 34 092

vote type 1 9 544

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

agreeclassic 22 642

vote type 1 40 457

Today, I learned my most recent ex-girlfriend is dating my previous ex-girlfriend who also broke my heart back then. I also learned that they both sometimes have threesomes with a man. I wanted to experiment by adding another woman when I was with each of them, but they always said no. FML

agreeclassic 306

vote type 1 517

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

agreeclassic 29 829

vote type 1 5 728

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

agreeclassic 20 297

vote type 1 47 058

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

agreeclassic 44 031

vote type 1 6 446