Kids: Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining... - FML

12/06/2013 02:12 - United States

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 136

You deserved it 3 303

Commando

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Still pining

19/03/2011 05:37 - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 567

You deserved it 4 901

12/02/2012 00:53 - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 365

You deserved it 7 481

17/09/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 186

You deserved it 2 795

29/06/2015 17:30 - United States - Sunset

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 132

You deserved it 2 219

Added protein

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was drinking lemon juice through a straw. After finishing half of the drink, I noticed there was a cockroach in my straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 149

27/01/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 493

You deserved it 25 922

28/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 648

You deserved it 2 994

13/08/2010 01:06 - United States

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 528

You deserved it 8 200

10/12/2009 13:08 - United States

Today, it was the last day of finals. After sleeping less than three hours in the last two days, I got in the car to go to school. For a second, I thought my steering wheel, the gas pedal, and brake pedal were all missing. That's when I realized I was sitting in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 879

You deserved it 14 086

05/08/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 152

You deserved it 308

14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 831

You deserved it 876

04/04/2015 00:42 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 2 592

06/07/2013 07:45 - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 695

You deserved it 3 530

30/06/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 682

You deserved it 34 712

02/10/2012 18:27 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 652

You deserved it 3 688

10/02/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 075

You deserved it 4 765

09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 177

09/03/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 7 791

02/09/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 919

You deserved it 4 300

22/09/2016 21:48 - Canada - Red Lake

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 301

You deserved it 861

15/02/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 651

You deserved it 4 959

20/11/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 527

You deserved it 3 858

Always check for tits

By Anistoncole - 13/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was showing why we picked the colour in our posters and ads for my department. I used a video to explain; I hadn't watched the full video. I skipped to halfway through and there was a picture of a naked woman with starfish on her tits. Everyone kinda went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 1 151

07/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 3 343

01/11/2010 10:15 - United States

Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 126

You deserved it 2 531

03/12/2014 18:34 - United States - Hartford

Today, I realized that although I'm dating the most loveable, caring and genuine man, the fact that he's a crack addict means I'll never be his drug of choice when he needs a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 21 513

24/08/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Spicy

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 668

You deserved it 3 476

10/04/2013 00:02 - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 12 054

12/04/2013 05:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 981

You deserved it 79 722

17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 10 255

25/10/2012 23:09 - United States

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 557

You deserved it 6 029

06/08/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I found out my ex is applying for a job at my current company. She may be my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 3 796

24/08/2015 21:56 - United States

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 2 135

12/04/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 523

You deserved it 5 755

19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 681

29/01/2019 12:00

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 494

There's no helping some people

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Livingston

Today, I was helping a 93 year-old hoarder organize her home. She asked me to make ropes from old plastic bags, fold bags in a specific odd way, then fit four large boxes of bags into one smaller one. I said I couldn't do those, nor fit four boxes in one. "Why are you here if you can’t do things?" she said. I’m a professional home organizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 271

26/10/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I witnessed a kid apparently getting jumped. Being a good citizen, I got out and started yelling at them. I ended up alongside the kid in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 803

You deserved it 4 610

15/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 557

You deserved it 4 415

23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 659

You deserved it 5 448

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Top comments

apaloosa_fml_fml 21

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:54

Congrats OP! Shame your mother can't be happy for you though, she should be excited to be a grandma!

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:53

A bit of a nutter. FYL

Comments

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:53

A bit of a nutter. FYL

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:08

455 FYLs and 0 YDIs, as of right now. Wow.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:33

she sounds like the mother-in-law of every woman's dreams. I feel more sorry for your wife than for you... You should stick up for your lady - threaten to cut contact with your mother until she gives your wife proper respect as a member of the family.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:46

maybe OPs mother waited more than 15 years to have kids after getting married.. lol

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:57

Well the families reputation isn't going to last long if reproducing is that frowned upon!

tj5810 21

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 11:08

#29, please tell me there's more like you!

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 14:50

I am...

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 17:47

Sounds like she was in an altered state of conscientious.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 20:07

#21 Who cares?

apaloosa_fml_fml 21

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:54

Congrats OP! Shame your mother can't be happy for you though, she should be excited to be a grandma!

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 14:46

Your mother is an asshole. But congrats on you new son or daughter!

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 16:31

True - she's probably worried about her reputation, because she is a Grandma now. Woman get crazy when they get older.

zzriel 12

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:54

At least your coworkers know your married

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:59

They were married 8 years. I'm sure he mentioned her at some point.

zzriel 12

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:07

Exactly my point...

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:09

Oh, your comment made it sound like his mom yelling was what made them know. Sorry.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:17

I didn't think it did at all. I took it as yup, the coworkers will know the mom is bat shit crazy

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:42

Sorry, I probably shouldn't be commenting this late. :p

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 12:36

But they could interpret it has the op cheated on his (assuming it's a guy) wife and got some random girl pregnant

mollyjynxjax 28

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 16:04

It's a guy. Girls can't get girls pregnant. Use your brain.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:55

Why is it that some parents just can't ever accept that their children grow up?

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:58

Agreed

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:17

Couldn't you have just thumbed her up?

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 11:58

Couldn't you have just thumbed him down?

nightbirdblue 27

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 13:57

Couldn't all three on you just used the thumbs in the first place?

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Thursday 13 June 2013 6:24

couldn't ALL of you have just taken your own advice? Now I'm doing it...

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:55

I think your mom wishes you were still a kid. Either that, or she went into a coma when you were 16 and didn't come out of it for a few years and believes you're 17-19 and unmarried. In all seriousness, your mother is pretty crazy, and not in a good way.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:55

Well that escalated quickly. Sorry OP. Maybe she had an encounter with the MIB and they erased that part of her memory...

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

MissCharlotte_fml 26

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Wednesday 31 July 2013 10:08

It didn't escalate at all. It just... happened. The second she walked into the office.

Dthnte 15

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:56

It's a shame she's not being supportive. Good luck with the new baby, OP! :)

xx000o 27

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 17:43

The new baby would be 7 years old.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:56

if your coworkers didn't know yet they do now. congratulations!

fightingkittens 39

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:57

Some mothers just can't seem to realize their kids aren't babies anymore. I imagine the rest of your family is aware of your marital status, though, and they're probably also aware of your mother's psychiatric status. Congratulations on your baby!

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 9:36

I bet this ain't about confusion over marital status or not wanting her son to grow up... This is about moms refusing to acknowledge / not liking their precious sons' wives. I've seen it happen plenty.

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 8:57

I don't see "30's and Pregnant" catching on anytime soon.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 123

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 137