Health

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 351

You deserved it 4 017

By jjcod - 31/05/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 285

You deserved it 10 228

By julie24 - 30/05/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 194

You deserved it 46 132

By angelamegan21 - 28/05/2014 20:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 597

You deserved it 6 114

By cc13799 - 28/05/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 541

You deserved it 4 391

By JayCee500 - 27/05/2014 23:05 - France - Paris

Today, I deliberately didn't tell my therapist half of what I was going through because I didn't want to depress her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 341

You deserved it 11 438

JayCee500 tells us more.

JayCee500 2

Thursday 29 May 2014 11:42

I'm the OP. I posted this after my last session with my therapist--I'd realized that this particular person wasn't working for me because I didn't really connect with her to an extent where I'd be able to tell her all my problems. This is the first time I'm seeking therapy, and from what people have said, it sometimes takes a while to find someone you are truly comfortable with. Just to be clear--I don't think that my particular problems are at all special, and they aren't even that bad when compared with half the shit people I know go through. It was just getting to the point where I was deliberately excluding things that had happened to me/that I felt because I considered them too "pathetic" to share. You can probably guess that one of my problems is that I care way too much about how other people perceive me.

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 758

You deserved it 7 487

That one weird kid

By Laura - 27/05/2014 15:58 - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stays away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling, "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 458

You deserved it 4 145

By 5p4571k - 25/05/2014 17:35 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I was cooking dinner for my children, managing for once not to screw up and hurt myself. Then, while chopping vegetables, I accidentally sliced my finger open. The same finger that was still covered in juice from a lemon I'd just squeezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 973

You deserved it 7 583

By HomicidalPegasus - 25/05/2014 15:50 - United States - Bethalto

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 297

You deserved it 36 261

Ouch

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 06:08 - United States

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 847

You deserved it 37 071

Sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 682

You deserved it 17 205

Simmer down, dad

By QQQ - 20/05/2014 17:27 - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that, "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 188

You deserved it 5 379

By bruised_scrotum - 15/05/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 4 806

By thanks4support - 14/05/2014 13:12 - United States - Grove City

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 611

You deserved it 11 673

thanks4support tells us more.

thanks4support 11

Wednesday 14 May 2014 20:51

OP here, first off I am not overweight, just gained about ten pounds shortly out of nowhere. Thank you to all of those who did have health concerns I am looking into all that.

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 462

You deserved it 11 666