Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML
Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML
stitchesgirl12 tells us more.
OP here! No, my stitches weren't anywhere near my butt, I have a bunch on my arm. And, well.. the doctor sewed me up really tight, and I legitimately ripped them while pushing. Lmao. Not my finest moment, but definitely FML worthy. The doctors in the Niagara Region were half asleep over the Easter weekend, my sewed up wound actually looks like a ******.
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML
Gilan tells us more.
Gilan 14
So a follow up. Once my head felt better I did buy her a new one. I do see a few asking what I did to deserve this. She's only three and didn't realize there would be any consequences, only thinking it would be funny. The only thing I can think of doing to even possibly deserve it is I told her she needed to stop running around yelling. But nah, all's well now I guess
Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML
Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML
Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML
Today, I went to see my ill granddad in hospital. I saw lots of doctors around his bed, and they pronounced him dead, so I ran out crying. A little later, I found out that my granddad had been moved, and it was a different man in his bed. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, at the DMV, I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and that my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, placing my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML
Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML
Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML
Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML
Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML
Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML
Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML
Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML
Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML
Today, I got a call from the ICU. Apparently, my boyfriend has been there for 3 days and I'm the only person who didn't know. Even my parents have been to see him. FML
quietecho95 tells us more.
quietecho95 11
This is the OP. Actually I had a baby a few months ago with him. We don't live together and it's common for him to disappear for days at a time. He's okay. It was actually a suicide attempt and he's in a clinic now. We were texting but he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to freak out because this makes 6 attempts in a year. My parents didn't tell me because they were leaving town and knew there was no way I could take my infant into ICU.
Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I'm so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML
Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML
Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML
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