Health: Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 32

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 134

04/10/2014 03:08

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 697

You deserved it 5 100

Stop talking!

Mama's boy

WHERE IS IT?

30/10/2009 05:08

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 564

You deserved it 2 154

09/03/2013 06:06

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 540

You deserved it 3 649

20/07/2015 08:21

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 836

You deserved it 1 931

9 to 5, what a way to not make a living

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 18:01

Today, I excitedly went to check this week's paycheck, only to see that I only received $9.00. This isn't a mistake, this is really what I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 143

05/07/2016 06:49

Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 374

You deserved it 937

Conspiracies claim another victim

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 11:02

Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 164

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 332

01/08/2013 15:18

Today, a customer pulled a knife on me after I informed him that we'd run out of avocados to put on his pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 907

You deserved it 3 777

16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 449

02/10/2015 05:49

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 29 892

31/08/2019 16:01

Today, my boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 713

23/05/2017 19:00

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 102

You deserved it 484

13/12/2009 10:12

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 2 763

25/08/2012 03:31

Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 2 505

07/03/2009 07:01

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 380

You deserved it 6 743

01/02/2010 19:29

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 820

You deserved it 4 099

14/11/2011 05:23

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 592

You deserved it 4 747

30/12/2009 01:05

Spicy

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 625

You deserved it 11 319

26/11/2014 20:45

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 883

You deserved it 3 669

21/01/2010 22:17

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 484

You deserved it 4 910

Our little bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my partner and I were both horny at the same time. I entertained our 3 kids while he jerked off, then he entertained them while I went and masturbated. We live together and this is the first time we’ve been horny at the same time since Christmas, because we’re both so exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 347

Couch potato

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 17:06

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 092

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 19:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 110

Messed up

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 304

31/10/2013 14:30

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 213

You deserved it 15 289

Karen strikes again

By Ihateithere - 13/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was reduced to tears and called a "useless fat bitch" by a customer I was serving. She didn’t realize that the steak fajitas she’d ordered had steak in them. She said she was a vegetarian. She failed to mention it, but apparently it was "my fault" because I “should have known." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 58

06/09/2014 22:19

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 938

You deserved it 4 112

26/04/2016 00:00

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 858

You deserved it 846

24/11/2010 04:41

Today, I received my acceptance letter to one of the most prestigious universities in the US, as well as a nice scholarship. I was so proud of myself, I eagerly showed my dad, hoping he would shed a tear or two. His only words were, "Just get a job so you can get the hell out of my house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 626

You deserved it 3 767

01/01/2016 14:28

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 971

You deserved it 1 972

Backwards world

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 03:02

Today, my life is so messed up that when I got pulled over, the officer asked about my life and not only did I not receive a ticket, he made me write down his personal number, patrol number and to call if I ever needed a favor or to talk, telling me that I had a friend in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 253

19/11/2010 16:54

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 730

You deserved it 34 973

11/05/2019 18:00

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 318

13/03/2010 05:18

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 144

You deserved it 3 369

15/11/2010 00:23

Today, I had to purchase a new flat screen TV for the bar I work at. Last night I was dared to break an ashtray against the wall. I completely missed the wall and smashed the screen of the new TV they bought last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 621

You deserved it 47 879

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 96

21/08/2009 04:52

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 3 391

03/08/2009 06:06

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 983

You deserved it 45 816

10/12/2008 19:31

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 18 310

18/01/2010 06:03

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 104

You deserved it 2 864

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:09

yea the acne in her womb

llamarrama01 21

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:09

Maybe it's time to have a certain talk with her.

Comments

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:09

yea the acne in her womb

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Saturday 4 October 2014 23:18

It does help regulate hormones but it wouldn't really affect acne that much...

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Saturday 4 October 2014 23:32

84, you might be confusing the morning after pill with birth control.

BlockOfRedStone 25

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Sunday 5 October 2014 1:08

Maybe the daughter mixed up Morning After pills with Birth Control pills? Maybe she heard that Birth Control prevents acne, and assumed that all pregnancy preventing pills get rid of acne? This needs a follow up

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Sunday 5 October 2014 7:28

Sorry about that, yes, I did get birth control and the morning after pill mixed up.

llamarrama01 21

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:09

Maybe it's time to have a certain talk with her.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:24

It appears a little late for that.

CoolCookie210 22

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Saturday 4 October 2014 15:16

Plot twist: it's actually for her acne

euphoricness 28

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Saturday 4 October 2014 16:31

Plot twist: the acne is on her belly making her look pregnant!

okaydisarray 17

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Sunday 5 October 2014 2:12

50, if she's far enough along to look pregnant, it's way too late for the morning after pill...

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Sunday 5 October 2014 3:26

Plot twist: 42 and 50 are trolls.

Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ 13

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Wednesday 8 October 2014 14:39

Why is everybody down thumbing #49 /#50? Have a sense of humour, they were mere jokes.

Saturday 4 October 2014 12:11

I really hope she meant birth control, but I doubt that's the case. Good luck OP

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:19

I don't think you're fully grasping the concept of this FML.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:34

morning after pills are actually emergency contraceptives!

tournamentdecide 33

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Saturday 4 October 2014 16:01

I don't think you're grasping the concept of this comment. I think she meant she hopes OP's daughter meant she wanted normal birth control for her acne instead of morning after.

Almost_Positive 18

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Saturday 4 October 2014 18:04

Birth control helps with acne. I have a friend that takes it for that purpose and that purpose only

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Saturday 4 October 2014 22:10

Yes #47 that's exactly what I meant

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:11

Speak up..One2One

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:16

You can actually use it for acne...

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:22

That's the contraceptive pill, not the morning after.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 22:24

No you can't. You aren't supposed to take the morning after pill on a regular basis. That's why it's called EMERGENCY contraceptive.

CA4495 17

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:19

I am just going to take a wild guess and say she's lying it being for her acne.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:21

That or she truly believes it'll help with her acne. Kids these days don't have a lot of knowledge on those kinds of things.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 13:42

My best friend in high school used to have a bad problem with acne. The idiotic things she tried, just because someone anonymous in an online forum recommended it...

princesspeachxox 18

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Saturday 4 October 2014 13:43

I agree #8 I think she may have mistakenly thought morning after pill is the same as birth control which actually helps with acne... Maybe :p

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Saturday 4 October 2014 14:50

Hey!

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:27

Obviously she thinks you were born yesterday

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:35

But I'll bet you've been in town all day today.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 13:27

She could actually think that it could help her acne, but I'm doubting it

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:34

The pimple in her womb.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 13:27

Hey #13 great job copying #1, come up with something original next time....

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Saturday 4 October 2014 14:32

OOOOOO , #24, I'm shaking in my boots , you got me running scared.

drivingmissdaisy 13

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Saturday 4 October 2014 19:17

@33 that didn't even make any sense to say that. It's not like he threatened you.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 22:29

Ever hear of sarcasm?

atav 17

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Saturday 4 October 2014 23:10

@81 Yeah, something you obviously don't know much about.

Kyp_kingofhearts 12

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Monday 6 October 2014 6:21

XD epic...fail.

Blahblahrasputin 3

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Monday 6 October 2014 21:31

If there's anything in her uterus other than sperm, it's too late for the morning after pill.

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:42

lay the smack down on her.....

littleteapot 21

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Saturday 4 October 2014 14:51

I bet you'd be an amazing parent.

2i1337i2iscore 13

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Saturday 4 October 2014 12:43

Well, for all our sake, hopefully you got it for her.