Health: Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant,... - FML

By catgiraffegirl - 23/09/2014 18:30 - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 884

You deserved it 2 928

Dementia or hate? You decide

No sex, lots of violins

So compassionate

By zoosmell pooplord - 02/09/2012 19:41 - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 880

You deserved it 1 728

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 177

By GlueAndCarrots - 20/08/2015 02:38 - Canada - Markham

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 1 781

By Curly - 09/01/2013 00:26 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my wife has the flu, while I have strep throat. We have a two-year-old toddler and have no clue as to who's more contagious and who should take care of her as to not get her sick. Yay for the entire day of surgical masks and Sesame Street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 316

You deserved it 2 717

By Kailey - 28/10/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was moving into my new house. While trying to turn on the light in the bedroom, I realized I couldn't reach the string on the fan. I got a chair, climbed up, reached over, and fell badly. While writhing in agony on the floor, I looked over to see a light switch on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 33 799

By drive thru madness - 25/12/2016 12:15 - United States - Amherst

Today, I was working the drive-thru. Everything was going fine until I handed a customer her order and said, "Happy Holidays". Before she drove off, she yelled, "it's Merry Christmas, bitch" and threw her coffee at the window. I'm Jewish and was trying to be polite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 997

You deserved it 920

By AntiAxe - 29/11/2010 06:23

Spicy

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 102

You deserved it 3 559

By haku4u - 01/04/2013 23:18 - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 093

You deserved it 2 902

By Oops - 13/09/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 927

You deserved it 845

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 17:03

Today, I was riding the subway home after a long shift at hospital. I accidentally made eye contact with a sketchy dude for a split second. He launched a wide spray of spit at me. At least I was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 256

You deserved it 16 420

Extreme phobias

By Calimero0 - 11/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 946

A good shower

By headache - 26/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was taking a shower when the water suddenly went cold. It spooked me so much I slipped and hit my head on the metal edge of the tub. My husband then said that I had the best Christmas gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 224

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 7 457

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/02/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 047

You deserved it 1 298

By EmBAREassed - 31/07/2009 13:43 - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 462

You deserved it 60 203

By 50love - 13/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 867

You deserved it 8 094

By Professionally Curtious - 09/07/2017 18:30

Today, I was offered my dream job. When I gave my current employer my 2+ weeks notice so they'd have time to find a replacement, I was told to pack up and leave immediately. Now I'm out a month's pay because I gave notice instead of just leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 987

You deserved it 413

Downhill from here

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 15:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, I'm in a relationship in which the sex was great and constant at the beginning. Now it’s so quick, bad and inconsistent, it’s like going at it with a virgin who doesn’t even know how the clit works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 170

By Queen_of_Night - 27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 6 551

By misopower - 25/07/2009 18:50 - China

Spicy

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 038

You deserved it 9 285

By lonely - 01/08/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 689

You deserved it 4 037

Awkward family moments

By hated - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 2 913

Give it away

By zobara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 872

You deserved it 3 993

By bras r expensive ppl - 27/01/2017 16:00

Today, I realized I was at a top quality ski resort when, while riding the lift, I counted three bras which appeared to have been thrown into the trees from the lift. My little brother counted eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 093

You deserved it 699

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 530

You deserved it 1 325

By nerp - 29/03/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 958

You deserved it 2 653

By Anonymous - 26/05/2012 00:15 - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 192

You deserved it 2 714

By keyless - 14/04/2012 15:20 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 315

You deserved it 2 181

By chinesef000d - 29/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 899

You deserved it 3 172

By maxedoutidiot - 13/12/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 809

You deserved it 5 382

By AshWil - 26/06/2015 16:54 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 854

You deserved it 22 998

By bex - 07/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 526

You deserved it 2 167

By Josh - 27/09/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 349

You deserved it 5 802

By fugly - 06/06/2015 00:44 - United States - Landenberg

Today, as I was putting stuff into the back of my car, a man walked by and said I looked "super fine." When I looked up to look him in the face, he immediately looked disgusted and basically ran away. Apparently, my face does that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 2 356

Ed Sheeran-lite

By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it is shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 666

Heavy traffic

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 14:00

Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 64

By stubble - 13/11/2009 06:26 - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 3 473

By sadface - 11/08/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 305

You deserved it 3 446

By sadman - 05/02/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 953

You deserved it 3 774

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Top comments

yeyeboys 20

Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:36

I would try to talk to her in the nicest way possible. You don't want to offend her and start a fight between you two considering you live with her.

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

I don't see how people live like that. It just feels so gross not to shower; I hate the way my hair feels especially. Not even trying to be rude, I just genuinely don't understand how people can stand the feeling of not being clean and willingly do it

Comments

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:34

Ew

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:35

Waste of a first comment...

orbit 22

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:39

Dammit #2 it was your job to make up for it

yeyeboys 20

Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:36

I would try to talk to her in the nicest way possible. You don't want to offend her and start a fight between you two considering you live with her.

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:36

Or subtly hint at it, like nominating her to do the ice bucket challenge. Then when she is wet, say "you might as well take a shower."

onealmxwilson 18

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:48

So for some reason I read this as "in the incest way" and I was like ???

littleteapot 21

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:49

OP's roommate might say, "But that was my shower."

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:52

#31 I did the same thing and had to read it again

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 1:59

Poor hygiene is the worst

simplysarcastics 26

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 2:13

Shoot at least you get dry shampoo and cover ups, I got nothing from my roommate, I just had to grin and bare it...

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 18:38

^^^ The implications of the homophone in this comment are wonderful.

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:36

Is he in middle school?

ChristianH39 30

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:05

OP said perfume so I'm gonna guess it's a she.

addictedtoIASIP 14

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 1:40

Plus it's her roommate, they must be a lot older than middle school

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 5:44

I know guys that wear perfume.

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 6:17

And I know perfume that wear guys...

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 6:48

Sorry, english is not my native language.

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Thursday 25 September 2014 1:57

Girls/women wear perfume. Guys/men wear cologne. *virtual nohomo high five from one non native englizian to another*

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Thursday 25 September 2014 6:13

Your English was fine, I was just being stupid :P

Si123 33

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Friday 26 September 2014 9:50

#78 in the UK we don't say cologne we say perfume, for guys also

AoC15 10

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Friday 26 September 2014 15:22

Or girls that spray perfume on guys

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

I'm guessing this roommate is the same as the guy from the last FML? In all seriousness though, you didn't think to tell your roommate like, a week ago?

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:00

As long as she's not using snot to keep her hair back, or to control friz you have no problem.

simplysarcastics 26

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 2:16

You cannot make someone bathe, I've witnessed people tell others they stink, and it did not work. So we can talk all day but I can't make you wash your ass or brush your teeth. Remember Ben from that's so raven, ray resulted to bathing him herself, he would not get the picture.

kingdomgirl94 28

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Monday 29 September 2014 22:05

Uhm if you recall, once she told him he smells bad, he agreed to bathe more. He didn't even know and thought his mom was just being a nag because she said his dad stank too.

thatsawkward7 18

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

Maybe time to have an intervention :/

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 3:15

Are you telling me that I've been showering wrong this entire time?

Cheezits4dayz 14

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

Has anybody else noticed?

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:37

I don't see how people live like that. It just feels so gross not to shower; I hate the way my hair feels especially. Not even trying to be rude, I just genuinely don't understand how people can stand the feeling of not being clean and willingly do it

ChristianH39 30

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:46

I don't get it either, especially since I work at a machine shop so I end up covered in coolant oil every day. I shudder to think what that would feel like after two weeks

shay_serendipity 29

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 1:14

Even if I missed just one day of taking a shower I feel unclean. I take a shower almost everyday, washing my hair every other day. I don't think I would be comfortable with not showering for any longer than one day.

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:38

Their hair must be pretty... Soapy.. But hopefully your roommate decides to shower soon

finalyearsofhate 22

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:51

Dry shampoo is typically a powder or spray, it's not soapy.

michaelm1290 23

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:39

Suggest a slip and slide in the backyard with soap and a hose

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 5:14

Agreed. Add alcohol. Make it a party. Adults still enjoy the slip n slide! :)

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Tuesday 23 September 2014 23:45

That's really unsanitary. And she's a girl? I mean personal choice and all but I have to shower every other day or else I feel uncomfortable.

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:35

Every other day? That is so gross. Shower everyday

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 0:45

Showering everyday is actually bad for your skin, and especially your hair. Even more so if you use products every time.

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 6:18

I also feel uncomfortable when I don't shower every other day. My 13 year old brother on the other hand...

ohishkabibble 21

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Thursday 25 September 2014 7:30

Yeah, I don't think so, #26. Or have you not heard of "dry skin"? Unless you have unreasonably greasy hair, horrendous B.O., or get filthy at work every day, there's really no reason to shower every day. Every other day, or even third day (depending on the person), is perfectly reasonable.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 13

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 19

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 2 412