Health: Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my...

By Tampax - 30/09/2014 18:46 - Spain - Cuenca

Today, my hand was stung by a wasp. It has resulted in all my fingers being swollen and therefore much bigger than usual. I'm getting married tomorrow and there's no way I can get the ring on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 215

You deserved it 3 181

Health

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Dementia or hate? You decide

No Future

By thatisfuckedup - 13/06/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 360

You deserved it 3 866

Bad start

By Kathryn - 28/10/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for school and stepped out on my porch to go wait for the bus. I literally said out loud, “Today is gonna be a good day.” I took one step and fell all the way down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 669

You deserved it 5 300

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 566

You deserved it 7 007

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 235

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 184

You deserved it 2 366

By Loveless - 09/04/2018 13:00 - United States - Ashland

Today, I asked my girlfriend of 8 years if we should get a bigger place. She responded by insisting she get her own place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 162

You deserved it 411

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 914

By bummed out step monster - 24/06/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 3 091

By purrykitty - 23/04/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 815

You deserved it 40 696

By Anza - 29/06/2011 06:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum told me that my sister's little kiddie swing wouldn't hold my weight. I told her she was being stupid, and went on anyway. A broken ankle and two pins in my elbow later, I'm willing to accept this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 142

You deserved it 59 290

The Fear

By marie - 26/04/2021 22:59

Today, the kids in my 6 year-old daughter’s class were asked what they feared the most. My daughter’s worst fear is apparently not werewolves, sharks, monsters or clowns. Nope, it’s "eating food I don’t like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 172

By fullmoonfml - 12/08/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 157

You deserved it 57 597

Denial

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 17:01 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I noticed several grey streaks in my hair while putting it in its usual combover. I'm only 18 years-old, and my hair was once one of my greatest sources of pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 159

By nothing_nobody - 23/06/2016 01:31

Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 530

You deserved it 1 938

By what the fuck, mate - 30/09/2012 19:00 - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 388

You deserved it 2 548

Don't be an asshole

By Anonymous - 11/03/2021 00:30

Today, the only person I know that ever traveled with me told me he doesn't enjoy the experience and thinks I'm an asshole, so I don't have a travel buddy any more. Every affordable trip requires two people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 023

Thanks Dad

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 14:01

Today, I was cleaning out my deceased father's closet and found 4 boxes of BDSM porn videos, magazines and DVDs. To save his dignity, I hid them in my room to throw away on garbage day. My mom found the boxes in my room and now wants me to go to therapy. I'm only 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 162

By poop towel - 15/09/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 526

You deserved it 2 223

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 398

You deserved it 5 449

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - 29/03/2016 04:51 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 957

You deserved it 1 227

By HomicidalPegasus - 25/05/2014 15:50 - United States - Bethalto

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 219

You deserved it 36 197

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 474

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 26/12/2018 06:00 - Australia

Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and spilled my chicken, chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people see me do this, but my dress is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 719

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 689

You deserved it 2 240

By yaa - 26/05/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 008

You deserved it 4 245

Where's mah caaaaake?

By Furi - 28/05/2021 11:01

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I was on my way to pick up her cake but I got into a car accident and ended up in the emergency room. When I call her to explain what happened, she called me an useless fuck for ruining her birthday by not bringing the cake. She’s yet to ask if I'm okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 304

By ShutTheFuCupcake - 13/05/2014 23:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 609

You deserved it 70 742

By Godwhy - 17/09/2018 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 7 years has been cheating on me with my friend's 18-year-old sister, took her on the vacation we planned, and will be starting with my company next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 579

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 17:55 - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 278

You deserved it 3 346

By Electric Eddy - 22/05/2017 00:00

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 180 644

By that guy - 18/11/2014 00:19

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 631

You deserved it 30 895

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 01:30

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 331

You deserved it 374

By pimdala_major - 30/10/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 558

You deserved it 39 741

By oldtimerclark - 21/06/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 540

You deserved it 3 942

By Anonymous - 05/02/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriends mom walked in on us having sex. She is partially blind so she couldn’t tell what was going on. She had a full conversation while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 078

You deserved it 851

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 22:04 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 328

You deserved it 2 279

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 20:05

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 418

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

RageWolf16 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

It's okay! As emergencies go, yours is pretty easy to deal with. You could put it on a chain and have your significant other put it over your head, maybe? Whatever ends up happening, congratulations on the marriage!

Pingvinai 37

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:04

That stings.

RageWolf16 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:02

sayyestothedress 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:20

Or she could put done sort of cream that helps

Wingman527 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 3:58

It can be like The Lord of the Rings!

incoherentrmblr 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 8:04

What does Tampax have to do with a wasp sting?...

LuckBeNimble 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 9:32

you can reduce swelling of a wasp sting by allowing it to soak in vinegar; this can be done by wrapping cloth soaked in vinegar around the site. perhaps OP wrapped a vinegar-soaked tampon around her finger?

tayymeds 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 20:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 22:21

#71- Why? Wasps do sting...

Pingvinai 37

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:04

That stings.

killerdana 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:12

That's a lot of time and money down the drain

R3TROxLOV3 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:15

21, do you have any idea what actually goes into planning a wedding? She can't just reschedule it for next week.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 4:06

*Looks at username.* Do you mean STRINGS? No? *Sees self out.*

omgbrainZ_fml 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:05

Medicine is like magic these days. Don't worry.

ShyGuy477 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:06

Seriously, f**k wasps!

peacheso 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 0:22

That would be a terrible idea

ShyGuy477 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 10:05

You win.

willow196 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:07

Yikes, sorry. I'm sure they'll understand though, good luck :)

orbit 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:39

It's op's wedding, no one needs to understand. As long as op is happy everything's fine.

Norja 33

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:07

Go straight to a pharmacy, there must be something to rapidly reduce the swelling. You may have to put the ring on your other hand until you're better. Sorry this happed OP.

sarah5745 41

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:54

I think that some creams do reduce the swelling overnight. Don't worry op, you'll be fine :)

stingray112 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:09

Yeh ask for some medicine or just ice it or tell the priest or whomever about it and I'm sure it'll work out! Good luck bro

kc_bbg15 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:09

Did you take it to the waspital

LittleBastard 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:14

That pun stings.

omgbrainZ_fml 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:18

Bruh

cinskeep43 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 4:55

#13... don't even say that. it's not a real word. it sound's like a grunt

IKickPuppiesHard 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 6:40

what makes a word real? Aren't all words just variations of grunts?

Vegetarian27 24

Send a private message

Wednesday 1 October 2014 11:36

This comment made me very happy for some reason...

Mauskau 35

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:12

You could put it on your other hand, just for now. Or do as someone else said, put the ring on a chain and wear it as a necklace.

clubber101 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 September 2014 23:15

My uncle has had this happen to him numerous of times. Take an allergy pill like Benadryl, and keep ice on it, Swelling should go down over night. Congrats on the wedding though!! Hope everything works out