Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML
Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML
Bella0304 tells us more.
Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!
Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML
Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML
Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML
KristaAaronn tells us more.
KristaAaronn 25
OP here! I also told her that they reason they made sporks was because they wanted to completely rid the world of forks
Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML
DumbAndYoung tells us more.
DumbAndYoung 30
OP here, I can't believe this got posted! First of all, I was at school when this happened, I went during lunch. I left when lunch was about over and I had to go to class. I know I need to overcome my fears, I've been this way for a long time. I'm also very shy. I don't usually tell people about it because they just think it's pathetic or stupid. My anxiety influences actions I make on a daily basis, and it sucks. I appreciate the sympathy, and the tips! I'll definitely keep trying to overcome it.
Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML
Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML
BagelTheOtaku tells us more.
Wow I was really surprised to be published, it made my day a bit better. I held off on commenting until I knew more about my issue. I actually went to the doctor two days after this got published. The doctor said it had happened because I had missed like 3 pills(birth control) in one month. The period continued for 3 months with 2-4 day breaks in between. I'm glad to say it's back to normal and on a regular cycle. (I'm 15)
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML
HauntedTwilight tells us more.
Hey, OP here :) I've never experienced any side effects from medication (until now), and when the doctor and I went over the side effects together he kind of chuckled when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur". The medication is cymbalta (anti-depressant) so I took it as a joke that an anti-depressant could cause such a side effect, and when he chuckled I really thought he was kidding. I was clearly wrong, haha. Luckily, I was able to bolt home before anything extremely bad happened. My dog enjoyed the quick run a lot more than I did. Still easily one of the most embarrassing days of my life! I've earned the nickname "Shitty pants" from my 61 year old father who is never going to let me forget this. Shitty situation all around! :P
Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML
winstonweigand tells us more.
Hey y'all it's OP here. This story was actually from a few years back, but someone asked me about the nasty scar on my leg and it reminded me of this event and how pathetic it was. This is how it happened: My family was cleaning out all the cupboards in our kitchen, and when it came to the cans, my dad would open them, empty them and then throw the can in the trash. He tends to not give a shit about Mother Nature. I was tasked with taking the trash out. The can was at the bottom of the bag, facing outwards, and the bag was stretched tight, but it didn't split open so the can wasn't protruding. I was swinging the bag back and forth because I was happy we were done, but when it hit my leg I felt a funny tickling feeling, only to look down and see blood gushing out of a large wound in my leg. Naturally, I was hysterical, because I had no idea how it had happened. The story actually gets funnier from here. In my panic, I ran inside to my family, but since I was bleeding so much, I slipped on my own blood upon entering the kitchen and slammed into a wall head first. I never felt pain throughout the whole thing because of all the adrenaline. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital getting an anesthetic shot DIRECTLY into the gash, followed by a bunch of stitches. Your comments were really funny hahaha, and yeah, we should have recycled, but I was just following my dad's orders! When I'm on my own, I always recycle. I guess Mother Nature punishes those who associate with environment criminals as well :)
Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML
wasteroftime tells us more.
OP here! Thank you all for the praise, I honestly did not think twice when I jumped up and performed the Heimlich maneuver on her. One thing I want to make clear here was not that my situation was worse than my friends, but the fact that the wait staff had no remorse about what had just happened although they stood there and watched me save her life. Learning the Heimlich can really be life saving before you know it :)
Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML
Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML
Today, I went directly from the shopping mall to the hospital. My sister had slammed my hand in the car door, all because I considered purchasing a dress that looked like something she might buy for herself. FML
vicious_fashion tells us more.
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML
Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML
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