Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML
Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML
katnl21 tells us more.
katnl21 4
It was really offensive for her to say something like that. My mom and grandfather and boyfriend were in the room too, which made it even more humiliating. I didn't know what to say, I was in shock. My boyfriend led her out of the room, so the visit ended right then and there. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, and she hasn't seen her grand child either. I'm still working on an awesome comeback speech, I'm open to suggestions!
Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML
Today, I threw out my back while trying to put together my new ergonomic chair, which was supposed to help my bad back. FML
ShenaniganNinja tells us more.
Hey guys. OP here. Everyone's asking if I finished the chair. I did, but not for several hours. My old chair I was using was barely functional and leaned to one side causing me a lot of pain. I casually mentioned that my back hurt to my boss. The next day when I came into the office I found a box with a new chair was waiting at my desk. Since I am the sole employee of this business and was alone, I had to put it together myself. I threw out my back lifting up one of the parts of the chair. It wasn't even heavy, it was just awkward removing it from the box. My boss was running late and came into work 2 hours later to find me laying on the floor with the half constructed chair next to me. I'm doing okay now. The chair is actually helping.
Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML
Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML
ArmyIT tells us more.
ArmyIT 13
It's not like it's something I just decided was a symtom. It was my psychiatrists opinion/word that it was. They now want me to do further testing. its just disheartening to know that I could lose my job over this.
Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML
Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML
Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML
Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML
Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML
Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML
Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML
RyoKioKio tells us more.
First off, you guys have genuinely made me laugh, even the less than kind comments have been hilarious. To clarify: the tube of icing in question was snagged from a discount bin because the decorating tip was broken, and an improvised opening with a knife was required. I didn't gouge a hole in it because I was spelling something out and I didn't feel like getting icing everywhere. In regards to my weight, I'm honestly not that athletic, I am a bit on the plush side, and yes, I do need to work out more (I go on daily walks around the neighborhood with my dog as a start). Baby steps, right?
Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML
yus_fml tells us more.
yus_fml 17
Hey, author here! So basically, I'm in high school and the school I go to does drug tests to all of the students and it is completely random. Some people are tested multiple times, other people are never tested. It is basically whatever the computer says. So no, It was not because I failed it the first time or because I was suspected of doing drugs.
Today, while doing physical therapy exercises for my broken leg, I managed to throw my back out. Now I can neither walk nor sit up. FML
cray12 tells us more.
Thanks for making me laugh with some of these comments. The back thing is an old injury that flairs up every so often for a few days, it just had terrible timing. As for the leg....well it's getting better pretty quickly (is 2 months quick for a broken bone?) thanks to my physical therapist and an awesome surgeon that pieced my broken tibia together. Now I just have to learn my lesson and not get on an ATV that my brother is driving ever again. But on the bright side I get to laugh at all the FML's and get a couple of months off of work.
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML
Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML
Today, my friends and I went paintballing. The instructor showed us the sound of an unloaded gun by shooting at my face. It wasn't unloaded. FML
Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML
Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my acne has lined itself beautifully in a perfect 'L' shape in the centre of my forehead. FML
SeriousJoker72 tells us more.
Hahahahaha! Maybe I'll make that my Halloween costume!
Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML
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