OMG this made me snort my coffee it's so funny. xD (Sorry OP.)

#19 so did you do it through a straw or somehow line it up on the table?

I prefer to use a rolled up $20 bill, makes me feel more important while I snort my coffee

Conspiracy theory: OP only created an FML to further cover up his fake-cough & fart routine.

19 means snorted out coffee. I've spit my coffee out at something funny before

*cough*

*fart*

I see what you did there.

When I was very sick every time I coughed I would: vomit, shart, and pee

I once came down with food poisoning during hay fever season. I had to replace my entire underwear collection after that week!

Please don't

Or work on your pelvic floor exercises

In what world is this possible? I'd gladly become a citizen of that universe

Yeah, I'm not going to try this out. And not because I'm a guy that doesn't want to wear a thong, but because this is ludicrous. If you have gas, you might be able to make it unnoticeable. If you have gas and a cough or anything that requires a sharp contractions of your diaphragm there's no controlling of how the gas exits. Maybe stuff a squeaky toy squeaker up your ass and say it's just your lungs wheezing LOL.