By çapousse2904 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 40057 You deserved it 4027 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lopez - France Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML I agree, your life sucks 10004 You deserved it 34954 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ufhdafuhds - Egypt Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML I agree, your life sucks 138453 You deserved it 14364 271 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By canabana - Canada Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML I agree, your life sucks 56969 You deserved it 6202 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PissedOff Today, my husband sent me a short video of my snoring last night because I wanted to hear how bad I sound. The first few seconds went by OK, but for the rest of the clip I could barely hear anything else over the sound of my husband taking a long piss in our bathroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 4696 You deserved it 460 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hahahaha91 - United States Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML I agree, your life sucks 16051 You deserved it 51526 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SharpDressedMan - United States - Leesburg Today, I spent almost nine hours cleaning because I was promised I could go to junior prom if my room was cleaned. I missed a dust bunny and couldn't go. I had a date for this, who I'd had a crush on for over a year and barely managed to ask to go with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3964 You deserved it 315 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Do you have an evil twin? Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 6820 You deserved it 349 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymousyo - United States - Vacaville Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML I agree, your life sucks 34026 You deserved it 4204 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML I agree, your life sucks 30071 You deserved it 3888 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML I agree, your life sucks 20644 You deserved it 64510 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shelby - United States Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML I agree, your life sucks 38417 You deserved it 27298 207 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Imagino1234 - Canada - Prince George Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML I agree, your life sucks 6798 You deserved it 1213 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coco1234 - 9/3/2020 12:35 Brain melt Today, I stood there for 10 minutes trying to fix the toaster, until I called my brother to help me. I'd forgotten that it wasn't plugged in. He now thinks I'm a complete idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 478 You deserved it 1324 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Danbury Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML I agree, your life sucks 34149 You deserved it 2879 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth Today, I sneezed incredibly hard while eating a granola bar. 5 hours later, it's still hellishly painful to swallow. Please kill me. FML I agree, your life sucks 21068 You deserved it 1817 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 18:57 - Mexico - Garza Garcia Bye then! Today, while on holiday. I got a call to let me know my job will be gone away when I return. FML I agree, your life sucks 862 You deserved it 55 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML I agree, your life sucks 28193 You deserved it 3403 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Patiently Watching Today, after three university degrees and a decade of avoiding social media in order to make intelligent use of my time online, I discovered that giraffes are addictively mesmerizing. FML I agree, your life sucks 5201 You deserved it 1317 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohgosh1428 Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1730 You deserved it 145 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML I agree, your life sucks 45072 You deserved it 30505 442 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML I agree, your life sucks 1970 You deserved it 260 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML I agree, your life sucks 56910 You deserved it 3523 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML I agree, your life sucks 35422 You deserved it 3978 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML I agree, your life sucks 37203 You deserved it 75472 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dogmom Today, I overheard my manager tell a customer that it's perfectly safe for dogs to eat grapes if they're seedless. I work in a pet store. FML I agree, your life sucks 3135 You deserved it 185 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By the other woman Oops... Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 3973 You deserved it 484 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shouldn'taWornaThong - United States - Tempe Shouldn't have worn a thong... Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML I agree, your life sucks 5485 You deserved it 284 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zac545 - United States Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML I agree, your life sucks 53853 You deserved it 11186 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Pillock - United Kingdom Today, I came across a street musician. He looked extremely well-fed already, but his music was pretty good, so I gave him some spare change. As soon as I turned away, he started screaming at me for being "cheap", and chased me half a block before running out of breath. FML I agree, your life sucks 41629 You deserved it 4210 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unbelievable Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML I agree, your life sucks 7102 You deserved it 1453 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadSarah - United States - New York Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML I agree, your life sucks 41201 You deserved it 4774 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML I agree, your life sucks 11902 You deserved it 38946 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lansing Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML I agree, your life sucks 23895 You deserved it 4414 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By muffin - United States Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML I agree, your life sucks 46848 You deserved it 16542 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By apparentlytoougly - United States - Garden Grove Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 39447 You deserved it 3829 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bigbuldge Roommate From Hell Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML I agree, your life sucks 1566 You deserved it 134 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I asked my friend to come sit next to me in class. I pulled out the chair next to me. Coincidentally, she started to sit at that same moment. Now both she and my teacher are convinced I did it on purpose, and they want to have a talk with my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 23336 You deserved it 2402 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brittany - United States Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML I agree, your life sucks 12874 You deserved it 37918 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By efff my life. - Canada Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML I agree, your life sucks 72995 You deserved it 4278 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML I agree, your life sucks 19146 You deserved it 1180 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lazymaximus | 11 #7601362 - Tuesday 20 February 2018 2:19 how are those even related? Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Emma Hersø Rasmussen | 10 #7651560 - Friday 22 June 2018 3:47 your stomach gets really hard when constipated, especially when you've been for that long Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By lazymaximus | 11 #7601362 - Tuesday 20 February 2018 2:19 how are those even related? Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Reply Emma Hersø Rasmussen | 10 #7651560 - Friday 22 June 2018 3:47 your stomach gets really hard when constipated, especially when you've been for that long Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By timinator5000 | 28 #7815436 - Wednesday 26 June 2019 4:19 Now you know what you must do. Never poop again! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 208 You deserved it 64 3 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 336 You deserved it 138 3 Comments