Health

OP here, first off I am not overweight, just gained about ten pounds shortly out of nowhere. Thank you to all of those who did have health concerns I am looking into all that.

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 606

You deserved it 2 127

All I want for Christmas is free healthcare

By effmylife - 25/12/2022 00:00

Today, I’ve been battling an aggressive form of cancer for the past 3 years. Due to the financial strain, I started a GoFundMe. I’m grateful for what I got, but a friend also started one for her dog’s surgery and got thousands of dollars. Guess the dog is more important than my kids having a mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 183

You were framed

By Slippery! - 01/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while walking through my living room, I slipped and nearly fell, narrowly avoiding hitting my head against a nearby door jamb. What did I slip on, you ask? A single cat treat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 158

By missgayle319 - 15/03/2012 07:53 - United States

Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 276

You deserved it 13 016

Belly bounce

By Somehow fat and flat at once - 08/06/2022 14:00

Today, my mother gave me a dress she'd made for herself at twenty five. I’m seventeen. It fits around the stomach but is gappy all around my butt and boobs. Thank you for reinforcing my theory that I’m somehow both flat and fat at the same time, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 225

Ballshot

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 14:00

Today, I shot my boyfriend in the balls by mistake, twice. First it was a paintball gun I was using with my nephew, then it was a slingshot I use to scare away the bird who keeps eating fish from my pond. He is now sat icing his groin acting like I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 962

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 259

By shinymcface - 19/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 289

Take this seriously!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2023 06:00

Today, I got the hiccups while my dad was yelling at me. He then said, “You’d better stop hiccuping or I’m gonna kick your ass!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 115

Irony stress

By Anonymous - 02/07/2022 06:00

Today, someone stole my Amazon delivery of stress balls from my apartment’s mail room. Now I’m more stressed than before about my stuff getting stolen, and have no stress ball to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 109

By scratchy - 08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 2 741

By Anonymous - 17/01/2013 00:53 - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 639

You deserved it 4 607

Hammered

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother-in-law wanted a boxing match, which was the last thing I wanted since he’s a trained boxer. The last thing I expected was to knock him out cold on my first swing. My wife is now mad at me because he’s sulking, and I “could have held back to be a good sport.” Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 78

And you are?

By Firefighter Groom - 07/02/2021 23:01

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 64

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went through my boyfriend's old phone to get over a gut feeling I've been having that things aren't as good as they seem. Turns out he's been taking videos of himself masturbating and sending the videos to chicks on WhatsApp, and contacting an old neighbor trying to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 228

Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 58

The Top

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 677

You deserved it 4 434

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590 363

You deserved it 100 224

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 246

You deserved it 6 133

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 834

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 571

You deserved it 5 183

Today, at 7 months pregnant, I have come to accept the morning sickness isn’t going to ease off. It’s so severe that I don’t make my meal choices based on calories or even cravings, rather on how bad it’ll taste when it comes back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 149