Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML
Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML
Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, I hurt my back at work due to faulty, outdated, and just crap equipment. Workers’ comp offered me two Tylenols and a pamphlet about "mindfulness over medical bills." FML
Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ihaveasushicat 24
Hide his keys...
BigLatchZatch 14
In his pants - he'll never find them.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
ihaveasushicat 24
Hide his keys...
BigLatchZatch 14
In his pants - he'll never find them.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Better to ride with free willy
nmrat 10
Holy crap, 8. You just made my day.
junkman6 22
All joking aside courts love to hammer people for driving on painkillers. I had a dwi 5 years ago because I drove while on prescribed Percocet. 2 every 4 hours and I blacked out and drove somewhere then fell asleep in a parking lot. I was using the drug as intended I just had a bad reaction. I'm still paying the price in insurance and being branded as a "pill popper" every time a background check is done. It's worth calling male friends over to hold his ass down until the crazy passes.
ksktwin84 14
Driving under the influence of narcotics can be just as bad as driving drunk. 2 Percocet every 4 hours might cause many people to black out. It doesn't matter if they're prescribed to you, the big disclaimer saying not to drive or operate heavy machinery is there for a reason.
joshea123 10
Not to drive vehicles or use machinery until you know how this drug affects you. That's actually the normal warning
junkman6 22
Didn't drive on purpose I was blacked out completely. Last I remember I was in my house in bed. Didn't have anyone around to stop me though was the issue.
Grootensliven 10
Pants are always optional
tournamentdecide 33
At least he wasn't in a mini skirt?
MrSassypants 34
I don't see how that's a positive thing; everyone should wear mini-skirts.
Stazza11 27
Nah mate kilts, kilts are the shit haha. It's like I want to show you my feminine side but if you sneak a peak who knows what you will find XD
kaytasha 18
I totally agree with the idea of all men in kilts
GentlemanBastard 15
Real men wear skirts!
Axipiter 24
Down with pants! Up with miniskirts!
schhichick 14
Phil Dunphy is not a real man
sweetest_jenn 18
Well at least he still has a shirt on.
weswheatley 14
Or does he? bom Bom BOMM
jvfelicio 13
What a waste of pixels this thread is.
nesteremily 31
I've been on narcotics meds after surgeries and trust me, it's just like an other dug, crazy! lol
Meettitan 14
Like Tylenol?
ksks1234 33
I think you are on"narcotics meds" now.
nesteremily 31
*narcotic meds, *any other drug. Autocorrect got me there
GentlemanBastard 15
Percocet is Oxycodone and Acetaminophen. Oxycodone is basically synthetic heroin, so yeah, they are just like any other drug. Specifically heroin.
martin8337 36
Percocet and other prescription drugs are perfectly legal but highly addictive and dangerous. Pot is much safer but illegal, go figure.
tournamentdecide 33
That is why they're prescription. Weed can be just as addive, and most states have medical marajuana for things like dialysis.
thefmlman2011 37
Just get him to take the day off, if he's in pain, get him to rest.
Ltsdragons 19
No shirt no shoes no service, he can still go to work :p
mrhe3t 9
lol... and after all these years they still haven't added pants to the list.
XBurytheCastleX 25
Keep him away from piercers and tattoo shops. People do crazy shit when they are high.
cjwayy 22
Put him on lockdown for the rest of the day haha
23lf 16
Take his pills, keys, or anything that can end up hurting him and give him the proper dosages.