By Anonymous - 29/09/2014 19:39 - United States - Derry

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 467
You deserved it 4 115

Same thing different taste

Top comments

It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose

This made me cringe so hard...I am so sorry OP


incoherentrmblr 21

What does vaginal lacerations & vanilla pudding have to do with it? Is that a way of saying there might be a possible yeast infection?...

It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose

A small, small, very small silver lining.

Forget chocolate and vanilla. Banana pudding is the best medicine.

Vanilla, make it chocolate and I'm up for it.

incoherentrmblr 21

Where's Bill Cosby when you need him?...

Corbane11 16

Wow that really sucks OP. They didnt even have chocolate!

Yikes sorry op guess U won't b going sailing again!

Just because things didn't go well the first time doesn't mean OP should quit.

littleteapot 21

I dunno... vaginal lacerations are enough to make me think twice.

This made me cringe so hard...I am so sorry OP

Personally, I shall never uncross my legs again.

just because your legs are crossed doesn't mean vaginas aren't accessible to things. on another note, I cringed reading this. good luck next time.

I came here to find out what a cleat is, and I'm still none the wiser. To google!

It's a metal clutch on the boat ya idiot

No need to call her an idiot...thanks for rudely answering the question, though

Smart way of asking for a definition without the downvotes.

her guess was probably better than mine. i was wondering why she had soccer cleats on a boat. call me dumb

The thing I'm wondering.... How can you sit on a cleat... They aren't exactly small or camouflaged. That's like deciding to sit on a bike without a seat and wondering why it hurts.

Thank you, 37, for helping me learn that it is possible for a ****** to retreat inwards.

A cleat is a twopronged metal horn. They are on boats and docks to connect the two together with rope and line.

To be fair, there are different types of cleats even in sailing...mostly clam cleats and the horn type ones.That said, I sit on both types regularly and they're not really sharp or cutty...I snagged my wetsuit a bit once but I'm struggling to see how on earth one could actually lacerate their downstairs, in two places no less. Was OP humping it or something?

37 - larger ones you wouldn't sit on but there are plenty of smaller ones round the edges of boats that you can sit on easily. You shouldn't really have too much because they're normally to the side of where you would sit but if the wind's right you can end up sitting further forward or back than usual. And if there's no wind at all and you're lazy like me, you end up sitting wherever.

orbit 22

I'm wondering that too #37. I would normally use Google but I think I'm going to skip that on this.

Actually #47 the larger ones are safer to sit on. I'll refer back to the bike without a seat terminology. Because a pipe that's a couple inches in diameter going into your corn hole hurts a lot worse than sitting on something that's basically a huge metal tube. I've done maintenance on admirals yachts, skiffs, and all sorts of small naval craft along with being on real naval vessels. I can guaran damn tee you I would rather take a seat on the cleat of a DDG as opposed to the small rectum penetrating cleats on an admirals yacht. Still the "small" cleats aren't exactly "small" just the horns are a much better size to slip right into your crack and destroy the rectum. Not seeing and then sitting on one takes an almost complete lack of awareness.

I missed edit timer. But I just remembered a time when a nub tripped and managed to land ass cheek first on a cleat. Had to get something like 10 stitches on his right buttock. Maybe FML staff changed the wording from "fell" to "sat" so it sounds a bit off to people who have some experience in the area?

SkyGuy32 17

I think he meant that he missed it as in didn't edit his post in time, #61

56 - Oh, I didn't mean a larger one would be unsafe, just that it might be more uncomfortable. But I guess it does also depend how big we're talking. I don't think I've been on boats that big much before. :) I was thinking more 1-6 person dingys and footers as I thought that might be a starter boat, and I can say that the small ones don't really go 'in' anywhere though.

Unless you fall on them apparently, lol. Missed edit timer too, hopefully my other post makes SOME sense.

You know what's kinda funny. And this is totally off the topic of the FML but meh. We totally miscommunicated because our brains were thinking about different size cleats. Large and small were two completely different sizes in our respective brains. Just a funny quirk that made me chuckle.

Lct1196 31

Always look on the bright side of life :) Their vanilla pudding must be pretty good.

That's so true, although it's either really good or really bad most of the time.

Things took a stern for the worse when you took a cleat to the clit. But look on the bright side, it's better than taking a boat load of seamen.

If that happened, her poop deck would never be quite the same again.

ahippienamedrae 10

I feel bad for having laughed at that...

lennon_ 16

What would that bright side be? Getting pudding? I can easily just buy that from the nearest grocery store!