Health: Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to...

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 3 161

Health

Hiding from the drama

Best teeth in the game

Simps gonna simp

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 22:06 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 352

You deserved it 4 749

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 473

You deserved it 104 529

By letmediealready - 22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 665

You deserved it 321

By friendless - 03/12/2009 06:12 - Canada

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 534

You deserved it 3 787

By Anonymous - 26/01/2019 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 364

By Lovelysister - 21/10/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 953

You deserved it 9 732

Is this dude a puma?

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 1 371

First date, and probably the last

By DrunkGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 764

You deserved it 63 258

Kitchen nightmares

By Clumsy - 24/08/2021 11:01 - Brazil - Niterói

Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 844

You deserved it 4 118

By Macy - 11/06/2011 20:36 - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 3 370

By TheDeathguard - 20/07/2017 20:05

Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 603

You deserved it 277

By sadbride - 09/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I am severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 253

By God hates me - 26/01/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 8 214

By initforthewrongreasons - 18/05/2017 02:00

Today, I texted my exes, not because I missed them, but because I wanted to know how their pets were doing. This holds true for at least 4 relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 570

You deserved it 1 245

By doomed - 11/02/2015 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 060

You deserved it 3 775

By smileydays - 29/01/2014 03:09 - Canada - Merritt

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 734

You deserved it 3 799

By Boner Ben - 08/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the play I'm doing requires me to strip naked and get an erection for a few scenes. It didn’t come up in rehearsal and the play starts in 2 days. I'm not sure how to tell my family who are coming from out of town that my first role involves me playing with my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 640

You deserved it 670

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 22:00

Today, I visited with my cousin on her deathbed. When I asked what she was doing, they replied that she was sleeping. Next thing out my mouth without thinking was, "She can sleep when she's dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 2 296

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 03:18 - United States - Woburn

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 293

You deserved it 15 677

"I Raised a Sociopath"

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 253

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 178

You deserved it 8 166

By Kate - 03/06/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 4 056

By sickbaby - 11/06/2011 13:06 - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 330

You deserved it 3 220

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 626

You deserved it 5 894

By Raset24 - 30/06/2016 17:40

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 632

You deserved it 1 060

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 59

By Me - 26/11/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 3 339

By idiots - 29/11/2014 03:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 047

You deserved it 2 762

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 03:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 3 120

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 01:31 - United States

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 919

You deserved it 7 230

By Anonymous - 26/07/2019 22:00

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 310

Parental fear

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend found out that she's pregnant and has spent the last 5 hours in the bathroom crying at “what her father is going to think”. She’s 32 years old for god's sake, in an adult relationship, and still thinks her father is going to be angry at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 241

By AquaRevolver - 25/05/2009 10:35 - New Zealand

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 643

You deserved it 54 278

By awkwardmandy - 11/03/2016 18:28 - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 2 352

By ohshootgirl - 04/10/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 966

You deserved it 28 044

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 991

You deserved it 2 803

By boobs are for baby - 05/06/2018 11:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I’m still trying desperately to explain to my boyfriend why I’m not interested in any kind of breast or nipple play. I gave birth to our son just 2 months ago and I strictly breastfeed. He insists it’s "not fair" that the baby gets the breasts all the time. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 913

You deserved it 1 050

Go to a doctor

By norelaxtime - 20/04/2021 08:00 - United States - Lexington

Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 71

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 705

You deserved it 4 839

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Top comments

faithhaylee 11

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:30

Why did you go on a cruise if you have debilitating seasickness?

Aquila_Umbrae 26

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:36

Maybe the OP didn't know they had seasickness until they were on the cruise.

ThepurpleCow 19

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:28

Good luck with that one OP.

BigLatchZatch 14

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 3:34

Time to reconquer that shit.

Rayth 19

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:29

Well that sure is a shitty situation.

miianah1 22

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:30

You must be new.

Shemp_5 14

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:30

I knew some shit-head would make a shitty pun

faithhaylee 11

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:30

Why did you go on a cruise if you have debilitating seasickness?

Aquila_Umbrae 26

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:36

Maybe the OP didn't know they had seasickness until they were on the cruise.

Enslaved 36

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:40

I've gone on a few cruises. Seasickness was never an issue until one night the waves were especially rough! Worst experience ever.

Lavelle1313 11

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:57

I went on my first cruise this summer! I didn't have much of a problem with seasickness, even on the roughest day. The part that got me was when I got OFF. The whole earth kept swaying for a week

Helpfulman 17

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 18:11

Usually cruises don't get too rocky unless you go out into open ocean. If OP were on a Mediterranean or Caribbean cruise it shouldn't be much of a problem.

MidnaLink 33

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:30

Time for another shower!

BassinBoy14 13

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:31

Liar.

TeacherTeacher 11

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:32

Dramamine Less Drowsy is your best friend. I'm sure they have some in the gift shop for an exorbitant price.

DoubleJay95 13

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:32

At least it gave you some incentive to use that balcony shower again

blubblubbnb 6

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:35

I think you misread it... OP took a shower THEN went to the balcony

jennlody 26

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 22:37

it says and not then, I realized this too but I got what op meant.

blubblubbnb 6

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 5:34

@25 I did not say that OP used the word "then". I was clarifying the order of events for the upper comment.

ooft 8

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 5:53

#9 used the word "again" so your clarification is wrong

blubblubbnb 6

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 15:01

Lol #38 I was pointing out that op went to the shower then the balcony not a "balcony shower" altogether so the "again" that you mentioned #9 used is irrelevant....

mkstar13 13

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:33

Your vacation has gone to shit

Aquila_Umbrae 26

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:34

Stupid rat birds!

thenewgirl29 20

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:36

When I was pregnant with morning sickness I found that putting pressure two fingers length from the inside of my wrist slightly helped relieve nausea.

ThepurpleCow 19

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 21:40

That's called a pressure point. Relieves everything but headaches.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Tuesday 9 September 2014 23:40

I get carsick very easily and have since I was a child. They have wristbands with a ball that puts pressure on the pressure point. Unfortunately they've never worked for me. I also don't think they work well once you're already seasick or carsick. Best thing for me is a gravol/Dramamine and let it knock you out, hopefully you'll sleep through the whole thing.

josiemorehouse 12

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Wednesday 10 September 2014 13:11

#29 - If it knocks her out, she wouldn't enjoy the cruise. When my hubby & I went on our honeymoon cruise, I was horribly nauseated. I'd never been on a cruise so I had no idea. I did buy a pair of those anti-nausea bracelets, and they worked for me. They also sell the patches that you put behind your ear to help with the nausea. OP - check out the gift shop on board, I'm sure they have something that you can use that won't knock you out so you can enjoy your vacation!! Good luck!