All the FMLs

By not crazy enough - 17/11/2014 18:48 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 896

You deserved it 3 533

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 2 589

By UnchainedGaruda - 17/11/2014 15:29 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 278

You deserved it 3 500

UnchainedGaruda tells us more.

UnchainedGaruda 8

Tuesday 18 November 2014 2:17

Hey guys! OP here to shed light on the situation. Homecoming is this weekend and my girlfriend, mother and I were out getting the final vest and tie to finish off my attire, so I can match my girlfriend's dress. Then my mom said that. She isn't ignorant, a bigot, or anything of the sort. She was joking around and said it proudly. She went on to say that "if you're in the store buying face cream to stay smooth or whatever it is, he's right there with you to look good too" Which has an element of truth in it. I try to look good and keep myself hygienic and it pays off. It's also a bit of curiosity to be honest too! There's so many things for girls!! Anyway, my girlfriend laughed with her, and yes that's probably one of the reasons she's with me. Hope you all enjoyed!

Final Destination

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 3 614

By username - 17/11/2014 03:52 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job". He has been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 000

You deserved it 3 260

By areyouserious - 17/11/2014 03:46 - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 999

You deserved it 2 501

By no - 17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 649

You deserved it 4 007

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 02:25 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 238

You deserved it 2 600

By Quackadoodledoo - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 276

You deserved it 5 778

Quackadoodledoo tells us more.

Quackadoodledoo 13

Monday 17 November 2014 22:45

I was watching a tv series on my tablet...after one episode (45 minutes) I looked on Google maps to see how far I had got and that's when I realised! It was a cross country train and the next station was 60 miles from where I got on the train. A place called Darlington. If I had stayed on the train all the way I would have ended up on Edinburgh!

By INeedaNewJob - 16/11/2014 23:25 - United States - Kent

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 488

You deserved it 3 672

By tine - 16/11/2014 09:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 3 778

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 03:44 - Australia

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 636

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 01:22 - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 283

You deserved it 7 973

By SeaBind - 16/11/2014 00:41 - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 837

You deserved it 3 267

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 773

You deserved it 34 467

By UH60 - 15/11/2014 22:58 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I have an Army fitness test. I was worried I'd cramp up during the last mile of the run, so I drank a large amount of water in preparation. I later woke up in the very small barracks that I share with three other people, soaking in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 6 535

UH60 tells us more.

UH60 26

Sunday 16 November 2014 9:31

Yep, didn't cramp and so dropped two minutes off my run.

Weird customer of the day

By ChimerV - 15/11/2014 18:20 - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 4 163

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 15:23 - Australia

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 414

You deserved it 8 503

Bad omen

By coveholli - 15/11/2014 14:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 261

You deserved it 3 197

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 3 038

By Anonymous - 15/11/2014 00:11 - United States - Macungie

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 3 169

By loner - 14/11/2014 23:12 - United States - Madison

Today, I noticed that I get more calls from people who've dialed the wrong number than I do from people I actually know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 291

You deserved it 2 822

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "Should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 604

You deserved it 2 599

I've seen it all

By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 5 039

By overseasbummer - 14/11/2014 19:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my wife and I had an argument serious enough to end our marriage, while overseas on vacation, with my whole family present. Three more days of awkward tension until we get to fly home and it all ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 3 924

You can't explain that

By shreking_bawl - 14/11/2014 18:39 - Norway

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 185

You deserved it 3 439

By PPP - 14/11/2014 03:39 - United States - Elk Grove Village

Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 409

You deserved it 2 802

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 4 204

By Jakeok - 14/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Fraser

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 418

You deserved it 7 646

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 988

You deserved it 3 739

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 786

You deserved it 13 806

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 930

You deserved it 1 619

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 3 327

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 363

You deserved it 2 823

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted, Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 158

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 772

You deserved it 4 004